[MockMeAmadeus]

Anyways, my friend had his bachelor party years back (and many more as time continue) two days before the wedding. He got drunk and I got drunker. Our mates (from hell, I tell you) bundled us in a car and took us to a busy intersection in the city. Proceeded to strip both of us buck-naked and then cuffed us to a lamppost. Might I add that it was winter? Bastards left us there, after taking enough pictures to fill a newspaper. I passed out and next moment my friend was shaking me awake. Right in front of me was this bitch, yes BITCH, laughing and pointing at my dick. She was blubbering shit like “…. Look how small it is, hahaha!” and other LIES to that effect. The more I tried to tell her to fuck off and by the way, it is WINTER you bitch, the more she laughed. Wells, later our buddies (bastards!) returned and took us home.

In any case, we got through the wedding and all that. Two months later was my birthday. My friends and I decided to go to a restaurant and have the party there. I could feel a vibe that told me that some big shit is going down, but left it at that. There we are, my friends, their wives and I. (I was still single at the time) waiting on the menus to arrive whilst stuffing our face with drinks. The menus arrived and we started looking through it. I was a bit slow going through the menu, and the next moment everyone around the table burst out in laughter. And there, right fucking there under Main Course, was a picture of me naked – obviously taken during the night of the bachelors – with a description: ‘Today’s Special: Chicken. Small cock with a choice of sauces, blah, blah, blah’. Fuck them, fuck them, fuck, fuck.

It was then that I realised that I do have a small dick. BUT ONLY IN WINTER YOU MOTHERS!