OK whoreable, I guess I'll take the first jab since you're a JERK
So...whoreable. I'll bet you think you're witty with such an obvious play on words. I also bet that you masturbate to yourself every night just thinking about how you are just the pinnacle of mankind, and everyone who isn't you is just like the scum you find in a discarded tuna can while dumpster diving. You probably look down on all those who engage in sexual intercourse, but secretly, you're jealous. Jealous that you can't have a cylindrical object sticking into your ass.
Well, let me save you some anguish.
I give you: the Hello Kitty Vibrator.
This also comes with
2700 different phrases which I'm sure you'll enjoy...
2000 Japanese phrases so you can figure out what the hell everyone is saying in the robo-tentacle hentai you enjoy in the privacy of your own room.
699 Different types of High-pitched girly Japanese moaning ranging from out-of-breath moans to the screaming ones. I'm sure you'd probably listening to these the most, because you're too much of an arrogant and lazy bastard to do it yourself.
1 Emergency phrase "FUCK OFF I'M TAKING A DOUCHE!!" in case your Mother overhears you thrashing about in the bathroom.
Unfortunately for you, there is no hope. In thirty years (when you're age 65) you might realize what a fucking pompous douchebag you are, but it would be too late by then. The years will have ravaged your body and mind (which there was little of in the first place), leaving you in a constantly bewildered state. The only thing that will keep you from a complete and total mental breakdown will be the one and only Hello Kitty Vibrator.
I'm such a nice guy. You can thank me in 30 years.