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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old Jun 22nd, 2010, 07:18 PM       
Pretty much that, yeah. I tried to look up where I'm sure I spoke at length about it before and, weirdly enough, I can't find it.

Matthew 6:3 is the one about one hand not knowing what the other is doing...in other words, "don't brag about charity, jackass".

Edit: here it is.

http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showp...5&postcount=44

for those too lazy to click:

"When I was a youngin' in school, a friend invited me to her church for an ice cream social. Stupidly, I thought I was just coming as a guest to some church function of hers...maybe hear a little bit about their brand of Christianity in the form of a pre-icecream prayer, or something.

When we arrived, the ice cream social had been laid out in this big church gym. I was grossed out because it was on long cafeteria tables and the ice cream "dishes" were nothing but a long expanse of plastic gutter. Seriously, plastic gutters, like troughs, stretching the length of the table. Women were scooping cheapie ice cream into it and here and there were bottles of syrup and canisters of sprinkles, and that was their ice cream social.

Anyway, we "guests" were immediately separated from our friends and taken off into a different room, where we were told to sit in row after row of metal folding chairs. I took a seat, wondering wtf was going on and just wanting to get out of there. Then their preacher came in and started on about how we were sinners and needed Jesus in our lives, blahblahblah. Keep in mind that this was a roomful of UNSUPERVISED CHILDREN without their parents or anything like that present. We were all immensely confused.

Then the preacher told us that we couldn't have any ice cream unless we accepted Jesus as our savior and were saved. As kids, we were aware by this point that this wasn't entirely kosher, some strange adult getting us away from our parents and trying to change our religion. But we didn't know what the hell to do because we just wanted out of there and most of us weren't going to be picked up for a few hours.

So the guy told us not to worry, that all we had to do was close our eyes. If we accepted Jesus and were saved, we should open our eyes and look at the preacher. Then we could go back in the gym with our friends and eat ice cream. I was at a loss. I didn't want the nasty plastic-gutter Aldi ice cream, but I didn't want to be stuck in a room forever with this guy, either. I decided to wait it out as long as possible, and closed my eyes.

Every once in a while you could hear a chair scrape as some kid gave up and accepted Jesus so they could get the hell out of that room. About every ten kids or so, we'd get a little reinforcement sermon about being sinners and going to hell and how we couldn't have any ice cream until we accepted Jesus as our savior.

Forty five minutes later, I was the last kid in the room and I knew for damn sure that I didn't want to be in there alone with that guy. I finally made a decision to fake him out. I opened my eyes and looked at him, which was no end of creepy-feeling, and he smiled and pronounced me good with God and fit to eat ice cream.

So I went into the other room and sat sullenly beside my friend while she shoveled ice cream into her mouth and asked where I'd been. Things were never the same between us after that."
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