[Rongi]

Jack's Diary

ENTRY Nov. 27th 5:45PM

My scullary maid of a mother made me see a psychiatrist today! She said she "I need you to get out of the house and stop moping around the house, so to kill two birds, you're seeing a therapist". How dare she. My hapless stooge of a father must have told her about our camping trip when he saw my package at the public shower and how it paled in comparison to his own. It's obvious she wants to get me out so she isnt tempted by my oh so forbidden fruit. What a harlot!

so i saw Dr. Beck. He was a tall man with many cats and a Mr. Rogers kind of look. He constantly smiled at me. It was a little creepy.

"would you like a truffle, Jack?" he said to me as he handed me a tray with various treats on it. i gazed at the temptous goodies. Dare i eat one?

"Um Jack? Jack? You've got something running down your chin." he took out a hankercheif and almost wiped my face but instead he contorted his face and started coughing, as i dabbed at my unbecoming salivation

"no thanks i'm watching my we-" and i couldnt help myself. i stopped mid sentence and started shovelling the delicious bits of refined sugar cookies down my throat. i was in absolute exctasy as the delicious treats trailed down my throat like a lonely cloud trailing down a vast mountain.

"...g-glad you enjoyed them Jack. Now, tell me about your day"

"Where did you get your degree? Mundane University!?"

"Now Jack I'm here to help you with your problems. I can't help you if you don't comply with me. There's no need to be rude"

"Let me ask you something, Beck"

"that's Doctor Beck"

"Whatever, why did you want to be a psychiatrist? So you could feel better about yourself by hearing about everyone's pathetic lives and you think to yourself "gee my life sure is great!". Did you go into this profession for an ego boost? So all your old buddies could say "man, that Dr. Beck really is doing something with his life." What do you even do to earn this money? Nothing that's what! You ask questions and pretend to listien to answers. You're a con! You're a schmuck! And furthermore, the girth of my loin is such that to compare it to yours would be to paint a horse paler than- !"

at that point, Dr. Beck cut me off, quite rudely and said something so vile about my weight problem i dare not repeat it. I couldnt help myself. Tears started to run down my chin like horses down a race track. i tried to think of some retort ANYTHING but nothing came out but tears. i hate that he defeated me so easily. he danced around me like an elegant sword fighter and struck me down with his rapier sharp wit. i ran out of there as he shouted vulgar things like the Viper-tongued soothsayer he truly was! i hid behind the local dairy barn and weeped until my mother pulled up in her car. her car twas like grace that brought me salvation from darkness. we road away as if we were on a shimmering white chariot going to heaven. mother bought me some pizza sticks and chips from the 711 to cheer me up but it hardly soothed the venom that that vile dr. beck spewed at me on this terrible night.