[Kitsa]

I don't puke a lot. The times I do are when I have actual, diagnosed, tell-the-health-department food poisoning. I've had salmonella (sour cream at an arby's in Niagara Falls in the 80s) and e coli (unwashed green peppers on a pizza in the late 90s). Haven't had botulism for the trifecta yet.

My dad is one of those dads who thinks you're faking, despite my history of 100% never faking ever because I have enough real medical shit to keep me well-supplied. So when I was walking through Niagara Falls and starting to complain of a bad stomachache, he wouldn't let me not eat. I remember very clearly that I had to eat turkey and mayo on white bread and Tahitian Treat (that's a godawful neon red, supersweet fruit-flavored soda, for those of you who don't know) with the rest of the family. So I threw up neon red for the first few days and then whatever water I tried to keep down for the remainder of the week.

The e coli was one of those bad-stuff-coming-from-every-orifice sort of illnesses.