The Poor, Poor Pitiful Poor

[VinceZeb]

From Boortz:

THE POOR, POOR PITIFUL POOR

Some of you remember the conversation I had with “Cheyenne” yesterday. She has two kids, not married, and makes about $14,000. She pays absolutely no income tax whatsoever and gets about $4,000 from the government --- that sickening Earned Income Tax Credit nonsense. What’s more, she sees absolutely nothing wrong with her scenario … after all, her parents pay taxes. I know you remember the conversation because I’ve received quite a few messages telling me what a heartless slob I am for challenging Cheyenne’s claim to someone else’s property.

My guess is that for most of her life Cheyenne has been surrounded by a bunch of supportive friends telling her that none of this is her fault.. You have two kids you can’t support? Well, that’s not your fault … blame their father(s). You don’t make enough money? That greedy boss of yours is trying to just keep it all for himself.

So – finally someone spells it out. This lady made choices, and those choices led to her being a single mother of two with marketable job skills …. And now she feels entitled to someone else’s money.

I took a few minutes to scrip a little meeting from a Cheyenne-type citizen and her congressman. See what you think.

(As the curtain rises we find Congressman Dewey Cheatem sitting behind his desk in his home district office. Ima Whiner, one of his constituents, has wormed her way into an appointment with Congressman Cheatem to voice some concerns.)
Yes, Ms. Whiner, what can I do for you?

I need some help. I just can’t make ends meet any more.

What kind of help?

Money. I need some money. I just don’t make enough money to support my family.

Your family? Tell me about them.

I have two kids. Seven and ten.

What does your husband do?

I’m not married.

Divorced?

No. I’m just not married.

Does the kid’s father help to support them?

No, neither one of them do.

Neither one of them?

Yeah. They have different fathers.

What do you do for a living?

Nails.

You do nails?

Yeah, you know, nails. I do nails at Nail Fantasy at the mall.

How much money do you make doing nails.

Not enough. I make about $14,000 a year.

How much education do you have?

I like finished high school, you know, but college just wasn’t for me. I wanted a new car, you know, and I needed to go to work to get the money for payments.

Your oldest child is ten. How old are you?

I’m 26.

OK .. what do you want from me? Why did you come see me today?

I need more money. I know there must be some sort of like government checks I can get. I keep hearing about people getting checks for all sorts of things. I want a check.

With your income, you don’t pay income taxes, do you?

No, but I have payroll taxes … and I should get some of that money back. Other people are getting checks. I want a check.

Wait a minute --- I have something here that might help you.

(Congressman Cheatem reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a .38 caliber revolver – he pushes it across the desk to Ima.)

Do you know what this is?

It’s a gun.

Can you use one?

Yeah, my first baby’s daddy showed me how.

OK then. I want you to take this gun, go find someone who has been more responsible with their life than you have, and I want you to use this gun to rob them. That way you should be able to get the money you say you need.

Rob them? I can’t just walk up to someone and rob them! Are you crazy?

Why can’t you?

Because that’s, you know, illegal. It’s, like, illegal! I could get caught and they could put me in jail!

But you’re here asking me for a check! What if there was some sort of a government check you could get, where do you think that money would come from?

I don’t know. The government?

Sure, the government. But where does the government get its money?

The taxpayers, I guess.

Yeah, the taxpayers. So you want me to arrange for some money to be taken from these taxpayers and given to you, right?

Well, other people are getting checks. Why can’t I get one?

Why don’t you just take this gun and go get some!

I can’t!

You mean you won’t. You won’t pick up this gun and go take someone else’s money, but you feel perfectly comfortable coming into my office and asking me to, right?

What do you mean?

Well just how in the hell do you think we get the money you want us to give to you? Do you think these people just come wandering in here with buckets of their money just begging us to find some irresponsible losers to give it to? Come on, girl? We take it, just like I suggested you take it. We take it at the point of a gun! We point that gun at those poor saps and we say “hand it over, or we’ll take every damn thing that you own.”

Well, everybody has to pay taxes!

You don’t!

I know, but that’s because, like , I don’t make enough money!

And whose fault is that?

It’s not my fault. I can’t help it if I just haven’t been as lucky as those other people.

Yeah, you can’t help it. You decided that you needed a new car and you couldn’t afford one if you were going to college, then you decided to get pregnant as a teenager by two different deadbeats who got between your legs and then out of your life … and it’s all someone else’s fault.

Hey! I don’t have to take that from you!

OK … calm down. (The Congressman puts the gun back in his desk drawer) You don’t need to use this gun. You don’t need to because we can.

Who’s “we?”

We .. the government. We can do what you can’t. Like I said, we can use this gun to take property from someone else … and I’ll see to it that some of that money gets to you. You’ll get your check.

Oh, thank you!

But there’s a catch here. You have to do something for me.

Sure! Anything!

No, no. Button your blouse up. That’s not what I had in mind. I have plenty of interns around here that would cause me a lot less grief than you would. What you have to do is get out there and register to vote … register to vote, and then remember just who it is that put that check in your pocket the next time an election rolls around.

No problem! I’ll do it, I promise!