I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips)

[ThrashO]

Originally Posted by Spaghetti

What's your favorite color? purple

In what city was bread invented? dont know, dont care

What are your favorite drugs? barbiturates

How are street signs made? in factories, duh!

what percentage of the rock on earth is sedimentary? all of it

Whats your favorite penis smell?

Which guitar is Ted Nugents favorite? the cheap one

What is the average number of deaths by boat propeller per year for manatees? 300+

What is 9 x 10 x 72 +16 - 78 - 13 + 27 x 8 - 32 + 7 x 4 divided by 3 x 7 + 72? I dunno

SHITHEAD

[LordSappington]

I give this a solid meh out of ten

[Zhukov]

So I was booking flights to and from the Gold Coast for the end of the month, and paying for it all online. Everything was going swimmingly until an error occurred on the airlines website. Now I have the money deducted out of my bank account, but no confirmation by the airline. I called them up and they said it must be a bank error (right), and say that the booking was cancelled. Even though I have the transaction details and a receipt for the payment going through without a problem.

Fantastic.

[LordSappington]

GET MAD. Start yelling, threatening legal action, etc.
The louder you are, the faster everything will work out in your favor.

[ThrashO]

Businesses respond quickly to violence/swearing. For example:

"Sir we're sorry, there must be a mistake as we have no confirmation whatsoever that you've made a payment"

"CUNT. I WANNA TALK TO YOUR MANAGER WHILE YOU SUCK MY DICK."

"Sir give me one moment"

"This is Manager. How can I do."

(This is when you fart into the phone)

[Aaarg]

"This is Manager. How can I do."

[Pentegarn]

That does sound like a typical sentence you would hear from an outsourced call center

[k0k0]

I worked in a Sears call center about 6 years ago and at the time, they told us that nobody was to speak to a manager. The managers were there, could talk to people, but instead they spend their days listening to our calls to make sure we weren't being dicks. That didn't stop me though, and that's why I ended up getting fired.

A guy who let one of his items go out of warranty yelled at me for a while after it broke and we couldn't come out to fix it for free. He wanted his warranty reinstated, but can't warranty a broken item. So he asked for the manager. Can't. Eventually he took to calling me names and saying I wasn't fit to work in fast food and that I should go back to working at Mcdonalds. I asked him how he liked his washer and dryer and refrigerator, because they all had warranties that I could easily take off as part of our 'we don't service dicks' clause. He shut up and then I asked if he'd like fries with that bit of news motherfucker? Then I hung up the phone. I knew I was in trouble when I looked over and the manager was staring me down and did the whole beckon me over thing. Call center work is the worst, especially when people yell at you.

[Zhukov]

I do understand that anger gets quicker results, but I have worked in customer service, and if I ended up dealing with a person that was like me; anger would leave me high and dry, since I just used to feign confusion and ignorance. I don't like being an cunt, especially when you can be a perfectly civil and polite arsehole.

[Fathom Zero]

Shit's so cool.

[Shrubfest]

That makes me sad. 'Mmmm a living meal! I know, lets scald it with something so it moves before I eat it! Yaaaay!'

[ThrashO]

I can only imagine the horrors those things see in japan. (vaginas, buttholes, etc...)

[k0k0]

It's actually not living when it moves. The thing is decapitated and it's head sliced into the bowl, then the body put in there to dance. The body moving is just the reaction to the sauce. It's already dead and has no feeling. After the dance party is over, the squid is given to the chef to prepare and then put onto the bowl.

[Shrubfest]

Oh. I shall rephrase.

'Mmm raw corpse for dinner! Lets scald it and make cadaver puppetry!'

Not sure which is worse.

[Fathom Zero]

Yeah, the primitive cephalapod neurons react to the sodium in the sauce and contract.

And this isn't any more or less cruel than eatin a burger to me.

[Shrubfest]

If it's dead it isn't cruel.

I just find the idea of eating prancing corpse macabre. Burgers don't dance.

[Fathom Zero]

I can make one, if I try hard enough.

[k0k0]

They do if you tie strings to them. You can attach little plastic legs to them. Maybe put them in a suit or a little burger top hat. Very fancy burger dancing!

But the squid, he's so much better than that. He's a natural dancer. He needs no strings, only salt is his payment to dance the night away.

[ThrashO]

I think it's the equivalent of hooking a headless cow corpse up to snares and making it do a jig. There is really no point in doing this except to be Japanese and really fucking weird. I'm surprised they don't put a dress on it and take pictures everytime it lifts a tentacle.

Blowfish is really the only thing that should be served that fresh, because once the chef starts chopping the little bastard up it starts releasing poison into the meat. I hear they have to train for like 7 years or some shit before they can do it in a restaurant.

[Shrubfest]

I think what it boils down to is I'm a food coward, and if I wanted my food to dance I'd buy it tap shoes.

[Aaarg]

Originally Posted by Zhukov

I do understand that anger gets quicker results, but I have worked in customer service, and if I ended up dealing with a person that was like me; anger would leave me high and dry, since I just used to feign confusion and ignorance. I don't like being an cunt, especially when you can be a perfectly civil and polite arsehole.

haha, when you keep your cool with an angry customer it catches them off guard and either makes them angrier or apologetic. usually angrier.

[k0k0]

Originally Posted by Aaarg

haha, when you keep your cool with an angry customer it catches them off guard and either makes them angrier or apologetic. usually angrier.

Usually angrier from my experience. At Sears we weren't allowed to hang up on customers no matter how badly they were being dicks to us and some phone calls, like the one I mentioned lasted 45 minutes or more. I was part of the Television and garage door opener repair team, trying to help people fix them over the phone to avoid sending a tech out. They'd fire us if we didn't avoid sending 10 technicians out a day per person, so having to keep someone on the phone for that long really cut into my avoids, which pissed me off even more on top of getting yelled at. So while it's easy to keep cool for 10 - 20 minutes, it gets damn near impossible when you're getting shit on for an hour.

[ThrashO]

When I was younger (17/18, and I was out on my own), I used to think "Man serving tables is GREAT. I'm young, I meet new people, and I get to hang out with people my age!" well now I'm almost 25. I don't by any means take shit from any customer anymore.

It's not a race thing, I personally think racism is HILARIOUS but I'm not racist at all, but it's just common server knowledge that ghetto people love getting shit for free and they will go any lengths to do so even if everything went great. I could keep their drinks refilled, cut their food up and pleasure them sexually and they would still give me shit. For me though, it's a money thing. These are the people who pay my bills so there satisfaction DEPENDS on how nice I am.

However, they usually don't tip anything. So I usually don't take shit from them. This is how it usually goes:

"Here you go mam"

"I said I wanted the chicken"

"Mam you asked for the Jalapeno Smokehouse Burger, You even said you wanted it well done"

"Now I KNOW what I ordered! (Getting louder, other tables looking) YOU ACTIN' LIKE IM STUPID AND I--"

*lean in real close*

"I'LL GET YOU A MANAGER"

(proceed to ignore and walk away)

It's great and usually the other tables feel bad for what I dealt with but are entertained with how much they can see that I couldn't care if a train smashed through chilis and ran their table over. For the most part if you did nothing wrong and the customer is being a prick managers tend to defend their servers.

I had one really ghetto manager who was the most UNPROFESSIONAL dude I've ever worked for. He was missing a tooth and he would walk around the restaraunt freestyling. Anyways one time I had this drunk ass dude come in who wanted to get some booze. He was stumbling around and I said "Sir I can't serve you, I'm sorry" so he goes "Now I gots money, and is a payin customer. yo little white ass better go--" and my manager comes over and says "He said he can't serve you now get the fuck out of my restaraunt."

Totally became my favorite manager instantly.

[Kitsa]

I have a voucher for two free meals and I feel guilty about it. Not from Chili's. Another place.

What happened was that we were at the table closest to the door to the kitchen. All was going great, everyone was being friendly, no misbehavior anywhere, when someone coming out with a giant tray full of little glass bottles of maple syrup tripped and the bottles shattered everywhere.

We were literally sprayed with glass and syrup. I was picking shards of it out of my leg later that night, and I had to move the high chair and diaper bag so they could get it out from under there. I was finding pieces of glass stuck with syrup onto my purse for a while, too.

They were really nice and asked if we were ok, which was a valid concern seeing as about 50-60 glass bottles of hot syrup shattered on a hard floor less than a foot from us. I said that we were fine. I felt bad that they had such a big mess to clean up.

Everyone had gone about their business when it occurred to me a couple of minutes later that if glass sprayed all over our bodies, it might have gotten in the food too. We didn't feel right demanding a new meal after we just watched them on their hands and knees cleaning glass and syrup off the floor, so we just stopped eating and paid our bill.

I wrote corporate and did a "suggestion" more than a "complaint"...said that in future when something like that happens, maybe they should just replace the meal to eliminate any risk of the customer being harmed by glass in food. I reiterated how nice they all were and how the glass thing was all totally an accident.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and the manager's calling my cellphone to sincerely apologize for our displeasure. (?) Then I got a thing in the mail for two comped meals.

I wasn't really all that displeased, but I guess my mild-mannered suggestion didn't come across quite right.

Anyway, on the website to write to corporate there was a thing asking you if you felt you were mistreated due to discrimination.

[ThrashO]

Was it iHop? Because I worked there too. Worst fucking job ever. And yes I remember doing a switch from glass bottles to plastic, probably because of YOU

My favorite thing to do at iHop was throw everything away. Just everything. Plates, dishes, cups, highchairs, ramekins, full ketchups. One time I threw an entire box of about 36 full, brand new A1's into the dumpster. Why? because FUCK THAT PLACE.

My favorite thing to hear was "Guys make sure you give your customer plastic togo containers because they have been taking our sauce dishes home in their boxes."

That's when I say "Yup I see it all the time."