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FartinMowler FartinMowler is offline
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Old Jan 12th, 2007, 07:36 PM        Ads for musicians
This is a real ad that I found :/

Quote:
Monkeys trained as musicians wanted for dictator music project/band


Alright I am going to be upfront with you in this ad so that

a. I don't waste anyones time
and
b. you are well aware of what you are getting yourself into

Some background of the situation...

To be frank, I am a musical dictator who is looking for some casual musicians somewhere in the ages of 18-25 (university/college students welcome and somewhat preferred as we will be able to relate best) to work with. I don't want to give the illusion that I am some amazing arrogant musician or anything. I am really looking to lead some musicians in a band as the song writer and rhythm guitarist. like a just add musicians and water to make a band sort of ordeal

I have a good amount of material to play to give us a head start that once learned we might be able to get some gigging going on or recording. I am a good band leader with dedication who gets crap done, the problem is I need a band to lead.

I know it all sounds draconian but I am also open to input from others; I just want to forewarn you that predominantly I'll be writing entire songs and giving you the music and asking for your input so if your another band leader or main songwriter there wont be enough room for both of us.

Alright time for the criteria:

What you need:

- you need to have your own decent equipment that works and is reliable. You need to have good enough amplification as well. If you are playing a beginners Vantage guitar out of a 15 watt amp then we aren't going to work well... You don't need some big ass rig or anything but something good enough to play well at practice and eventually at a gig (considering I am on a University res at the moment I am not packing any fat stack at the moment so I am also understanding).

- you need to have a good amount of experience playing, minimum of 5 (doesn't have to be gigging as I havent really gigged all that much). I really need a few good players. If I hand you some music you have to be able to play it. I don't write anything exceptionally complex but you have to be able to be competent and confident in your playing.

- you have to be motivated and dedicated. That being said I don't expect you to quit school or your job or whatever but if your skipping practices every week or not learning the

- to be free of influences or the idea you want to sound like such and such band. Everything I write comes out as is whatever genre, thus its best if you love music in general. Generally I write on the rock radar. Its hard to explain, you'll just have to hear things.

- leave your personal problems at the door. I'd like to become good friends with my band members as well but I don't really tolerate any crap. If you have a heroin habit or have the repo men at your door step or whatever bullshit please pass on this. I need people who have their life together. I dont care if you have your vices as I have mine but i want dedicated musicians who have their shit together enough that it doesnt interfere.


What I need.

well first off if you play/listen to van halen/hair metal, death metal (actually most metal in general), emo, and whatnot we aren't really going to work. The last band I was in was a disaster. The lead guitarist and singer just listened to hair metal, and the drummer was a whiny weezer kid and it was just awful.

that being said, what I need... (if you sing and play something thats probably best as there isnt much work for the singer.. more below)

1. A really good technical guitar player, preferably one who can't write music worth shit (thats what I am for anyways). If you can be handed a piece of music, be dedicated enough to practice it (or just be able to play it no problem) then you fit the bill. YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO PLAY SOLOS, WRITE SOLOS AND IMPROV SOLOS. This is your creative outlet I suppose. I write solos but am open with collaborations or using yours if I like it better. I am also open on your input on song writing as well so im not 100% hitler here.
If you have a brain busting with ideas and songs this isnt the band for you.

2. a drummer with a good understand of drum fundamentals. You need to have an excellent sense of timing as a lot of fills I write are fairly fast. I dont write for a double kick but you have to know how to roll the pedal to the same effect for short bursts. Cymbal selection is also fairly important as I use chinas and splashes in addition to the ride and crashes. As the drummer you probably have the second most creative freedom. My kit is at my parents house 200km away so most of what I write is by tapping books and then plopping it into a drum machine to see how it sounds. I am fairly open to the drummer taking my basic idea for the drums and expanding on it providing it sounds good.

3. a monkey trained to play bass. I have bass lines pretty much created in 5 minutes that are good. very little creative freedom to be honest unless you can improve my bassline which i am open to. if you like to play bass in a band and are experienced this is probably for you.

4. A singer. you need to be able to sing, no bullshit. training is encouraged. gigging experience a big asset as working the crowd is one of your main jobs. Good stage presence is important. Most of my music has only small spaces for vocals as I writing mainly instrumental rock so no room for bono here. probably be best if you play an instrument and sing as singing would be like more of a part time job here.

5. keyboard/piano player. some of my music has keys in it, nothing complex as I suck ass at it. You probably would have a good amount of creative freedom as well if the song calls for keys as I use them only sparingly. perhaps a keyboardist/singer would be a good combination as they are both part time jobs here


alright, I think I've made my point and scared everyone away. Shoot me a line if you are interested. Ill forward you some MP3s of my stuff and we will talk.
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Grislygus Grislygus is offline
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Old Jan 12th, 2007, 07:56 PM        Re: Ads for musicians
Quote:
- to be free of influences or the idea you want to sound like such and such band. Everything I write comes out as is whatever genre, thus its best if you love music in general. Generally I write on the rock radar. Its hard to explain, you'll just have to hear things.
This guy is going places.
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FartinMowler FartinMowler is offline
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Old Jan 12th, 2007, 08:08 PM       
I didn't write it...
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Grislygus Grislygus is offline
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Old Jan 12th, 2007, 10:14 PM       
Whoops, forgot to edit out your name. Fixed.

Sheesh.
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Sacks Sacks is offline
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Old Jan 12th, 2007, 10:45 PM       
Whats the problem here, the guy has a vision.
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FartinMowler FartinMowler is offline
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Old Jan 12th, 2007, 11:21 PM       
I repied to him by asking if he was retarded and if he could send me his Mp3 of music to review
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Sacks Sacks is offline
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Old Jan 13th, 2007, 02:00 AM       
It's going to be the most beautiful music you've ever heard in your life!
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Grislygus Grislygus is offline
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Old Jan 13th, 2007, 02:25 PM       
Post some links if you get them, I'm curious how a "whatever" genre will sound like.
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FartinMowler FartinMowler is offline
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Old Jan 14th, 2007, 11:01 AM       
I don't want to reply to him again
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