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mburbank mburbank is offline
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Old Apr 12th, 2006, 12:21 PM        How Gentile Conservatives Became the Ultimate Jew Joke
'Arrogant white gentile conservatives can pose serious problems to Jews in this country. They contributed to some of the most enjoyable and least productive moments of my childhood. I went to an all-boys secondary school in North Andover; the pupils were overwhelmingly Jews. Some, like me, were the children of European Jews, others, refugees from Russia, Poland, Brooklyn . . .

We’d often get a thick necked, holier than thou, gentile teacher who had no doubt read ‘The Protocols of the Elders of Zion’, ‘The Confessions of Nat Turner’, and done an elective in Inbreeding at Old Money University Your Family Has gone to since the Mayflower. We ate those suckers alive.

Desperate to impress us with their superiority, they were knocked dead by our independent reading and science experiments. At the first sniff of presumed cultural superiority, the feral instincts of teenage Jews were unleashed and the class descended into self-guided study. They thought we were working off the assigned syllabus, and couldn’t be bothered to teach. They wanted to avoid military service with a teaching deferment and drink in the teachers lounge. When they did notice we were studying works far beyond their comprehensions and they threatened to march us to the principle’s office, our immediate protest would be! “We know you have child pornography in your bottom drawer. If you leave us alone, you get to read it; we’ll teach each other, and our excellent test scores will reflect well on you. Isn’t it nice that everyone can be happy?”

They’d cower behind their desks, mortified that we’d recognized some deeply repressed sexual maladaption so common among gentile conservatives, while we got back to making jokes beyond their understanding, comparing notes on various economic and scientific discoveries, and feeling the sort of bittersweet sympathy you feel for a Pitt Bull bred to violence that can’t understand why it has to be put down.

The softest touches were always deeply closeted, self-loathing gay male gentiles. For many of them, shameful longing, snapping towels in the locker room, ritual hazing and a desire to ”Let boys be boys” (whatever the hell that meant) were a greater priority in the workplace than actually doing the job they’re paid to do. We had a whale of a time whenever a deeply closeted, self-loathing gay male gentile was in charge.

A stalwart gang of diehard intellectuals prevented us from leaving school without completing the required core curriculum. Chief among them was Mr. Garrett, my form tutor. Wait, ‘form tutor’? What am I some sort of queer English Nancy Boy? He was a teacher. He was an imposing behemoth of a man, but his impressive size was meaningless unless you were an idiot slave to muscle lust, a gentile or both. He was also a scientist quite familiar with the genetically superior Jewish IQ. He had high expectations of how we should behave and apply ourselves, and flew into thunderous, terrifying rages whenever we failed to meet them, at which we laugh and start a betting pool to see if and when someone could make him so mad he suffered a heart attack. A few of the gentile students found Mr. Garrett’s periodic rages impressive, but really! Have you ever seen the way a person of Irish decent gets all red and blotchy when they are mad? It’s hysterical. Of course he was caught drunk, sodomizing a freshman. HUGE surprise, imagine our shock.

He was the kind of guy who’d never get a job in education today. For some gentile kids he was the most solid male presence they had in their lives, which I’m sure doesn’t sound the least bit rough trade. Whenever I bump into former gentile classmates in my old neighborhood where they still live and I moved out of long ago, he’s the teacher they remember most fondly, wondering if he’ out of prison yet. He didn’t always have their affection, but he commanded their bodies, and he wasn’t actually capable of understanding affection. I do miss the way his whole head would start to quiver like a Scanner Victim every time we made obvious what a stupid, brutal lout he was.

Things are very different today. I have a friend who teaches, and he says it’s normal for teachers to be reprimanded for caning children because “Caning is a crime”. The soft bigotry of wet liberals is as insidious as the racism of white supremacists. Hah! I’m kidding! When was the last time you saw the soft bigotry of ‘wet’ liberal tying some poor guy to a chain and dragging him around town behind their pick up? Jesus, what re you, a moron? Hey, how do you keep a white gentile in suspense for twenty-four hours? I’ll tell you tomorrow! Seriously setting the bar for children because you consider yourself in possession of deep truths on account of having been born a white gentile (like you chose to do it or something) is preposterous. You are as over as the Stegosaurus. Clear off before we have to burn you like the deadwood you are.

That Mr. Garrett. He was ‘hard’ on us all —Jew, white and Jew— but rigorously fair. Mostly he was just attracted to kids and in denial. Deep, brutal, lunacy inducing denial. I can still remember his ‘face’, purple with anger, as he folded and refolded a piece of paper, straining to control his ‘temper’ after I’d been reported to him for skipping Wrestling. He was the only teacher who ever inspired shame in me. No, no, not ‘shame’, what’s that other word that’s like ‘shame’ but it’s something else. Oh! Wait! Deep loathing. That’s it, deep loathing. Huh. I guess that’s not like shame at all, is it?'
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Old Apr 12th, 2006, 02:02 PM       
If that's the ultimate Jew joke, then don't bother telling us any less funny ones. :/
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Old Apr 12th, 2006, 03:06 PM       
If liberal whites are the ultimate black joke, the guy that wrote your article was born without a humor gene.
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Old Apr 12th, 2006, 03:09 PM       
No, black people just have inferior humor genes.
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Old Apr 12th, 2006, 03:14 PM       
What about all the great black comedians? I think it's a british thing, that their all so (genetically) racist they don't even know that Blacks and Indians and Pakis are all different. The author doesn't even know he isn't black!
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