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  #26  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 09:54 AM       


"Okay, maybe my dad did steal Itchy, but so what?! Animation is built on plagiarism! If it weren't for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners, we wouldn't have The Flintstones! If someone hadn't ripped off Sgt. Bilko, there'd be no Top Cat! Huckleberry Hound, Chief Wiggum, Yogi Bear… Andy Griffith, Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney! Your honor, if you take away our right to steal ideas, where are they gonna come from?"
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...I proved, son, without a shadow of a doubt, you ain't got what it takes anymore! You sit there, and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16; Austin 3:16 says, "I just whipped your ass!"
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  #27  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 11:52 AM       
Whats the difference between a hippy and a trampoline. ?

You take off your boots before you jump on a trampoline.

i stole that one.
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  #28  
Guitar Woman Guitar Woman is offline
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 11:56 AM       
as a new age retro hippie I take offense to that
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  #29  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 12:38 PM       
A guy gets a vasectomy and immediately buys the most expensive suit he can find. When his friends asked why he responded, "If I'm gonna be impotent, I gotta look impotent."
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...I proved, son, without a shadow of a doubt, you ain't got what it takes anymore! You sit there, and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16; Austin 3:16 says, "I just whipped your ass!"
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  #30  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 12:39 PM       
Sorry gw, but i am allowed to mock my own kind.
Its just a joke.
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  #31  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 02:07 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guitar Woman View Post
as a new age retro hippie I take offense to that
I sense an Earthbound reference.
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  #32  
Guitar Woman Guitar Woman is offline
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 02:09 PM       
No way.
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  #33  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 03:31 PM       
Q: What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

A: Hockey players shower after three periods.
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  #34  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 04:19 PM       
Whaddaya call a hippy in a shower room. ?

Lost.
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  #35  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 04:50 PM       
HOW'DYA HIDE SOMETHING FROM A HIPPY?

PUT IT UNDER THE SOAP :D:D:D:D
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  #36  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 06:44 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by dj bastard View Post
Q: What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

A: Hockey players shower after three periods.

I think that's one of the more fouler jokes I've ever heard without the gross out factor involved.
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  #37  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 06:48 PM       
How about........
Definition of a used tampon.....

A vampires tea bag.
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  #38  
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 07:08 PM       
Old lady doing 150mph on the motorway, the cops see her and give chase but despite the sirens and lights she refuses to stop.
Eventually they come to a red light, where she stops and the cops block her way.

When approached the old lady screams at the cop " you bastard son of a bitch, come any closer and i'll take out my gun and kill you like i did with the motherfucker in the boot".
Fearing for his safety the cop returns to his car and calls his supervisor whom attends the scene.

Oh approaching the old lady, now appearing very sheepish and nervous, he asks her whats wrong.

Nothing officer she replies, i dont know why i was stopped.

Well says the super, my officer says you verbally abused him and he has reason to believe you are armed, he also suspects you may have commited murder and have a body in you boot.

The old lady replies.....
He'll be telling you i was speeding next.....!

Was told that by a friend a few weeks back.
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  #39  
Black Flag Black Flag is offline
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Old Jun 14th, 2008, 08:48 PM       
pac-man that's me
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  #40  
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Old Jun 15th, 2008, 03:45 AM       
yeah the "erie, pa" in both their locations should have been a dead giveaway
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  #41  
pac-man pac-man is offline
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Old Jun 15th, 2008, 10:45 AM       
I edited it after a second look to add the "Or he's you" part. I didn't notice at first. It's a good joke, and when I plagiarize it down the road, I'll give you credit.
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...I proved, son, without a shadow of a doubt, you ain't got what it takes anymore! You sit there, and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16; Austin 3:16 says, "I just whipped your ass!"
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  #42  
ElPila666 ElPila666 is offline
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Old Jun 15th, 2008, 03:21 PM       
Ok my turn...

A guy enters a supermarket and he starts to watch under the food shelves, so he bends down, then an employee appears and ask him: hey sir what are you doing?
and the guy says: i'm searching the low prices

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  #43  
ElPila666 ElPila666 is offline
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Old Jun 15th, 2008, 03:58 PM       
what about this one....

The universal studios are on fire then suddenly the firemen appears and starts to calmdown the fire but a man started to scream for help on the building roof, but all the firemen crew are very scared except Marianito, the gay one, so he enters the building, after an hour the flames got extinwish but marianito haven't return with the guy, so the firemen are really worried and they decided to check, so they reach the top of the building and they see Marianito fucking this guy and they're surprise about it, so one of the firemen ask him: Hey what are you doing? why didn't you give him breathing mouth to mouth assistance?
and marianito says: well that's how we started though

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  #44  
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Old Jun 16th, 2008, 02:15 PM       
Lately I've taken to appropriating very cliché offensive jokes by repeating them with a punchline that doesn't operate by actual humor, it just throw off the audience by being offensive in a different light and they weren't expecting it. It really only works when the audience knows the actual punchline, but even so they're usually obvious from the direction of the jokes.

What do you call a black man with two masters degrees and a PhD?
-An Affirmative Action mooch!

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
-A pizza has never instigated a brutal cultural apartheid against the Palestinians!

One day a priest was hearing confessions and all of a sudden he got an emergency phone call and had to leave. He didn't want to leave his parishioners without a chance to say confession, so he grabbed a visitor to the area and asked him to stand in behind the confession screen. The man obliged and the priest gave him a list of common penances for common sins. This went well for three confessions, but the fourth confessor said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I performed a blowjob on a married man." Because oral sex was not on the list, the man excused himself for a moment and in a frantic panic asked an altar boy what the priest usually gives for a blowjob. The altar boy said, "Well, usually three Hail Mary's and an Our Father, but that's just because he's really old and too out of touch with reality to know what that means."
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  #45  
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Old Jun 17th, 2008, 03:46 AM       
The best joke in this thread, BlackFlag and Sethomas aside, is the fact that ElPila took GW's old picture as an avatar.
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