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say what now?
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Peebody
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Jul 20th, 2003, 02:07 AM
Quote:
i have decided to kill myself. yes, you probably think this is "insane", but it seems like the most logical and sensical thing to do.
first off, i would like to address all of humanity. it seems to me, in my small bit of experience, that the realities of life are hypocrisy and cruelty. concepts like truth dont actually seem to really exist. rather, they seem more of a fairy tale that most subscribe to, but none actually follow. humans hate truth. this is not a reality i can belong to.
i still cannot fathom how humans treat each other in the ways they do. the disgusting things they do, even miniscule things on a day to day basis, just seem so wrong to me. to not treat your fellow human being with dignity and respect and love is intolerable in my eyes. to not consider another's feelings and thoughts is the status quo, and i feel that i cannot be a part of this community.
i see beauty used as a commodity. bought and sold for the whim of men. women degraded and abused on a mass scale. this i cannot be a party to in any shape or form.
in summary, i can simply not understand how humans can live in this world and accept it in the way it is.
focusing on the internal, i see a never-ending struggle between my natural self, one of negativity and hate, and my enlightened self, one of truth and love. i feel that no matter how hard i try to improve myself and rid myself of my consistent and constant negativity, it is all for naught, and that negativity will always prevail.
i feed off of negativity. i enjoy seeing people hurt. the more that someone loves me, the more i enjoy seeing them tormented. i refuse to perpetuate this, and am putting my foot down.
i have never felt a part of the human race. i have always been an outsider, and always will be. when i see a human, i dont see a specimen of my species, i see a walking blob. my interaction with humans is forced, and takes so much effort and so much work, and i am simply tired of working so hard at such a simple, basic aspect of life as a human.
i feel as though this decision is a positive one. this world is not for me. i want to be free.
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__________________
enjoy now, regret later
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