Go Back   I-Mockery Forum > I-Mockery Discussion Forums > Philosophy, Politics, and News
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Studio8 Studio8 is offline
wiener touches ceiling
Studio8's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Austin
Old Mar 1st, 2005, 01:24 AM        A Short Story that I wrote that may not belong here
So, I wrote this short story because I'm working on developing themes and keeping them underlined and not shoving them in people's face and here it is. It's short, so don't get all worried that it will take you more than 4 minutes to read. Critique if you wish, be as harsh as you want.

Fig

I’m telling the truth - I’m totally comfortable with having a real girlfriend until he tells me how much fun he had fucking this girl he just met. He fucked this girl in the bathroom at a coffee shop. A coffee shop? Not a bar, nope. This dude waited in line behind this girl, got his coffee, decided he liked the way she looked, then managed to get her in the bathroom, on the sink, then lift her skirt, unzip his pants, and put himself inside of her.
Whether or not you’ve ever been in a coffee shop, you can easily imagine the following:
There is no loud music pumping.
No drugs or alcohol.
It’s not after midnight.

There’s this girl with light green eyes who works at that coffee shop, her name is Ashley, and sometimes she gives me a large when I pay for a medium. One time I ordered just a small because I was in a hurry. She gave me a large and even though it took more time to fill up the bigger cup, I know that she meant well. That was always nice of her.
She didn’t have to go out of her way.
Her kindness is costing her company money.
One time her manager saw her and I think he questioned her about it.

“I don’t mean to embarrass anyone, but she fucks like dynamite.”
He brought her over to my house. She is standing right in front of me and he is pointing at her while telling me this. With his finger in her face, that’s the way he says it.
He didn’t wait for her to leave the room.
He didn’t show a shred of tact.
He could have whispered.

“We should show him the pictures,” says Fig. To me he says, “Check out what we did.”
He took this chick, whose name is either Katie or Kelly I think, to the park. Since we’re being open here, I ask was this before or after the coffee shop?
There was no smile on my face.
I didn’t look up from the pile of clothes I was folding.
I was trying to be mean.

She chimes in. “Oh, it was after. Definitely.”
Right. It had to be. Katie or Kelly, or maybe even Kaycie.
She doesn’t have any lips, which I hate.
She has short hair, which is really hard to pull off.
Her tits are really shitty.

And she smells like smoke. She must smoke. I don’t really think smoking is cute or cool. This girl, she isn’t that great. Yeah.
Fig says, “What are you doing tonight? Do you want to hang out with us? Or do you have plans? Should we leave?” He moves closer and closer to me. It makes me more uncomfortable than I could ever explain to him without hurting his feelings. “She thinks you’re cute, man.” I take two steps back and she’s in the bathroom now.
I was going to watch a whole movie tonight. He steps closer to me when he says, “So?” For about half of a minute, nothing happens.
“Did you show him the pictures?” She’s back from the bathroom. I don’t care that she thinks I’m cute.
He remembers and pulls them out of his pocket. They are bent. He just took these this afternoon and got them developed and they are already bent.
Most of the pictures are just Fig and this girl, hanging out at the park, walking around. The last picture of the bunch is Fig with a knife carving the letter “F”, the symbol “+” and the letter “K” into a fence.
“Are you going to hang out with us tonight?” she wants to know. The way I don’t really respond to her flirting probably drives her nuts inside. I take solace in that.
“He can’t. He has a serious girlfriend,” Fig reminds me.

The next morning, I drive over the bridge and across the city to pick up my girlfriend. We go to that same coffee shop and I order a latte. That’s like a cappuccino but with less froth. I didn’t really know that until Fig told me.
__________________
My Wiener Touches the Ceiling (now available on iTunes)
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

   


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:35 AM.


© 2008 I-Mockery.com
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.