May 6th, 2009, 02:27 PM
I think the point I'm trying to hit on is, less redundancy. There is nothing wrong with descriptive writing, but it is very hard for the writer to know when the reader gets the point already. This one isn't so bad at all if you keep in mind Kitsas TLDR rule. Don't be afraid of shorter paragraphs. It helps people digest the words.
He was at the edge of the forest, the same as he had seen in his dreams for many months now. But something was different. It seemed a little bit brighter, a little bit larger, a little bit warmer, and a little windier. And he too had changed. For his form was not human, but that of a wolf, gigantic and towering, with no human features to speak of.
He heard a strange call, a powerful call, the kind of call that goes all the way into the deepest recesses of your mind, the parts that have existed long before the dawn of man. He followed it, through the bushes, through the trees, through the rivers and over the rocks until he found its source. As he stepped into the clearing, he saw something amazing. It was a wolf, a gigantic one at that, about the size of a tractor trailer, with a body whose sinews were like steel. Its fur was dappled in grey and black and silver and gold, and it’s eyes fierce and knowing, the only flaw on the magnificent beast’s composition being a large sliver knife embedded in his left flank. And it was howling at him.
As the moonlight flowed over them both, it turned its head to him, and motioned it over to a path that appeared out of nowhere, a path that ran up and towards the moon hanging brightly in the sky.
The wolf suddenly bolted into a run towards the path, and somehow Lou knew that he wanted him to follow. He ran towards the path, legs gracefully striding as though he were flying, eyes locked onto the wolf ahead. The wolf was far ahead, but he kept striding forward and slowly he began to catch up with the beautiful creature. As he dashed forward, hearing the wolf’s head, it gave him a look, a look that said “Good job kid, but it’s not over yet”. As they ran together, the moon in front of them grew greater and greater in size as they neared it.
As the moon hung right in front of them, oh so very close to their touch, there stood an immense cliff. They ran toward it just the same, paws padding along the ground faster and faster, they jumped and…