This week's Onion

[Protoclown]

The picture in this article made me laugh my ass off:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3909/ted_turner.html

[Captain Robo]

Every Onion article makes me laugh my ass off.

Even though most of the humor is " 'HOLY FUCK WE LANDED ON THE FUCKING MOON! I JUST PISSED MYSELF' ARE THE FIRST WORDS SPOKEN BY NEIL ARMSTRONG..."

[Professor Cool]

Ted Turner!

Did you know he came up with the "orginal idea" of captain planet

That bastard...

[Skulhedface]

$99 BILLION DOLLAR LOSS?!?

I think I just had a heart attack

I just read that article. THEY COULD'VE JUST GIVEN THAT TO ME! That would make an interesting Onion story.

"I-Mockery Nerd Receives $99 beeeeeeellion dollars!"

[CynicalDave]

THE CAPS LOCK IN YOUR POST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!!! IM SURE WHOEVER READS THIS WILL HAVE ONE TOO!!! OMFG!!

:/ :/ :/ :/

[Skulhedface]

I consider it worth it. People need to start dying anyway.

[Jixby Phillips]

Skullheadface: Shut the fuck up.

CynicalDave: Shut the fuck up, also.

THIS IS AN EDIT: In keeping on topic, I am in love with this onion article: http://www.theonion.com/onion3909/robin_williams.html

[Skulhedface]

Jixby... you're starting to sound like Rongi now. UH OH.

[Jixby Phillips]

You know what I find fucking hilarious? that worthless, painfully, offensively unfunny people like you pick on Rongi just becuause you see a lot of other people picking on him and think it's your ticket to acceptance.

Why the fuck should I put more effort into telling you to shut up? I've allready put way too much effort into this post than you are worth. Just listen to me and shut up when I tell you. You'd be doing a lot for these people if you did.

[CynicalDave]

Jixby, why the fuck do you go around stealing my sigs? you mofo, cant you be, oh i dont know, creative, and make up your own??

:/

[Command Prompt]

You know what cheers me up? Married With Children. Fuck, that show was funny

[James]

Jixby, why the fuck do you go around stealing my sigs? you mofo, cant you be, oh i dont know, creative, and make up your own??

This coming from someone who got the image from uglypeople.com in the first place?

That'd be like putting goatse in your sig, then accusing someone else of not being creative if they steal it to make fun of you.

In other words, I want to rip your teeth out and use them in a special teeth-shooting gun and shoot you with it, like that movie, eXistenZ.

[Jixby Phillips]

CynicalDave, I'd normally just laugh behind your back about how you just don't get it (and I pray you aren't a skillfully crafted subtle parody of annoying message board personalities, because boy wouldn't I look silly if you were... and if you are it's fucking genius, by the way), but I'll lay it down for you: I am mocking you. I am mocking your unintentional hilarity that exists in your intentional hilarity. Posting ugly pictures (especially ones from uglypeople.com) and saying things like "THIS IS YOU!" is completely unfunny and unoriginal.

[CynicalDave]

indeed.

[Jixby Phillips]

[CynicalDave]

[LegoLars]

i never liked the onion. though i never bothered to read it.

[Skulhedface]

a-HEM, I pick on Rongi because:

A.it's fucking FUNNY
B.Whether everyone else does or not, I give a fuck I do it because he gets on MY nerves. As in, ME, PERSONALLY. As in "Your insults would be worth laughing at if they weren't always the same FUCK OFF AND DIE, FUCK YOU FAGretorts. But I even give Rongi credit, it's FUN, as in FUNNY, AMUSING, LAUGH OUT LOUD HILARIOUS to fuck with him.
C.You seem to be the only one that jumps my balls anymore. Even RONGI finally gets (I assume) that I'm more or less ribbing him, like I'm so fucking idiotic that I'm gonna get my underwear lodged up my crack by some halfwitted assblaster in an internet forum, unless it's just as amusing to fire back (hence this post)

Of course, I can take a joke, but to chase me around and just blatantly scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP" is a bit... obsessive?

GOOD GOD

Does the stick up your ass have a stick up its ass?

Whew, that was fun!

[mew barios]

shut up

[Jixby Phillips]

Of course, I can take a joke, but to chase me around and just blatantly scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP" is a bit... obsessive?

This is where you are getting confused. My posts adressed to you haven't gone from joke to obsession, they have crossed from hate to more hate. You are annoying and unfunny. You and people like you are flooding this forum and making it less enjoyable for me to post on. I payed money for this forum I liked it that much.

So if you aren't going to just shut up and leave, then could you just please get your "This is the INTERNET, don't take it so seriously " reply out of the way and send me 10 bucks to make up for stealing my fun? I would LIKE to type in all caps and go back to my bitter retard act, but you are making it hard to do so. Thanks in advance,

JXIBY PHIALLUPS

[Skulhedface]

The only reply that needs is this:

Pissy, pissy, pissy! Bitch, bitch, bitch!

If indeed, this is just an internet forum, and considering you've seemed to steer clear of my posts until JUST ABOUT NOW, and the fact that I may be a newbie but not one of the crop of retarded newerbies, that I actually started getting civil replies to my posts from most of the others, then I may ask you sir:

What got YOUR panties in a budge?

What makes me SO special that I specifically ruined this board for you, especially since the only other person that makes that claim (and not even as seriously as you presented it) is Rongi? Hmm? I DEMAND ANSWERS FELLA! At least I semi-respect Rongi now, because he has no pretenses over who he is: He's a piece of shit on this message board, as am I, as are you my friend. Your failure is recognizing that you fall into the same category. Just because you were here LONGER doesn't mean that makes you BETTER. Ease up on the bitterness there buddy, the relaxation'll do ya good.

Or, for the ultimate bottom line, as far as the $10 goes, I was already planning to send it to RoG seeing as I enjoy his site, I enjoy these message boards, and I owe him for occasionally gaying up his message boards, in a half hearted attempt to contribute and to offer a halfhearted FUCK YOU to people that just won't let some things slide.

And jeez, I'm almost FLATTERED. I know being a newb would signify being looked down upon, but I just got unofficially declared the King!

Ta ta for now.

[FS]

I can see this is going nowhere. Let's try another approach at this.

http://www.petitiononline.com/qw218/petition.html

[CynicalDave]

I agree FS

http://www.petitiononline.com/DUMBARSE/petition.html

[FS]

See, now that could have been funny if this were the umpteenth petition I've made. Now, it's... not.

Get off Skullhedface's nuts already. You're not going to "win" by "sticking together".

[Anonymous]

Dave and face.

Neither of you are wanted here, nor have you ever been, nor will you ever be. I'm sure whatever small amount of pride wells up in your weenster over actively irritating people, and thereby getting noticed, more than makes up for the knowledge that people on the internet dislike you almost as much as those in real life do.

Sadly, unlike real life, we can't just move the group to a different table when you start trying to sit with us through elicting a chuckle by making goofy faces and slapping about your inner thighs with serving spoons.

The 'friends' you've made on this forum are indeed the same animal (and are equally welcome), but do not ever assume that Jixby and others that actually use and moreover appreciate the forum that your love-object Roger built for us are at your level. You are a vapid piece of shit and even the moderators hate you. The only reason you haven't been banned is tradition, and your ilk are causing that to wane. If you actually want to make a donation to I-Mockery, your absence would be worth its weight (or lack thereof) in gold.

Not that I expect my words or the words of any other to sway you from leaving. Far from it; I fully intend to see more asinine threads by you tonight, tomorrow, and every day thereafter until roughly a month passes and the joy of bothering people you don't even know fails to overcome the global hatred felt toward you, then you vanish and are forgotten like so many before you. No, my point in all this is that you both claim to love the site and all for which it stands, but are both liars if you continue to post here.