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kahljorn · #1

How does that work? I thought he was "God's son". It's interesting how it says every major "Player" in the bible was of the same blood line.

Brought to you by, "More shit for angsty children to talk on the christian religion". Hur-ay

O71394658 · #2

Read the Bible. There's a lot of begats and whatnot

kahljorn · #3

I've read the bible, it just so happens everytime I do I get bored with it

I just thought it was interesting since Joseph and Mary didn't "Fuck", or so they say! Also because apparantly the British noble lineage are all jewish Kings.

Sir Douglas Chapwire · #4

Since Joseph obviously didn't conceive Jesus, does that mean that Mary had a baby (Jesus) implanted in her outside of wedlock? She's a sinner! But wait, maybe Joseph and Mary weren't married...but that means they were living together IN SIN! She's a sinner!

kahljorn · #5

The first chapter of John clearly states Jesus is Joseph and Mary's child, who are decendent of david. It recites the entire lineage.

FS · #6

In Regurgitations 4:12 it's all explained. God gave Joseph the Divine Handjob, then He entered Mary while she wasn't looking.

Spectre X · #7

FS, your avatar makes that so much funnier

El Blanco · #8

Joseph was part of David's bloodline. Jesus, being Joseph's "adopted" son, was part of the House of David. While not a direct blood relative, He still had claim to royal heratage.

Zhukov · #9

Do you think Joe was married to Mary all those years without even rooting her once?

mburbank · #10

Jesus had brothers. Interesting, though. I always assumed (without really thinking about it) that Jesus was related to David via Mary. First, because she's his blood relative, and second, becuase Jews trace their lineage through Matralineal lines.

kellychaos · #11

But doesn't it follow the prerquisites of the classic greek hero mythology that Jesus be born poor, have to overcome trajedies, go on quests and all that, n'est-ce pas?

kahljorn · #12

Dont forget that the Queen of Britain and shit are all decendents of Jesus. So is President bush by all standards. Hell, they are probably more Jesus than Jesus was.

Abcdxxxx · #13

Jesus was a descendant of David because he was a Jew.

kahljorn · #14

That kind of logic would relate me to you in some way, and that would be horrible.

Like I said, it traces the lineage..." David and his whore begat Saul, and saul begat some other fegat"

Perndog · #15

Biblical lineage relates everyone to each other, since everyone came from Adam and Eve. That's right, we're all distant relatives of this guy:

Sir Douglas Chapwire · #16

If Jesus had brothers (and presumably they weren't divine) then Mary wasn't a virgin after all.

Perndog · #17

She was a virgin when Jesus was born, then she and Joseph had children (at least one, James) afterward.

El Blanco · #18

There is no difinitive proof that James was Jesus' brother. That coffin was proven to be from the wrong time period.

mburbank · #19

The coffin isn't what I was thinking of, and Abcdsxx, the begats are certainly supposed to be a hell of a lot more significant than Jesus just being Jewish.

Surely some biblical scholar here knows wether the begats trace Davids line to Mary or Joseph?

kahljorn · #20

It says in the first chapter of John I think, but I don't feel like reading the bible right now.

Abcdxxxx · #21

I think you're under estimating the significance Jews place on their lineage to King David. His shield became the star of david most religious Jews wear, etc.

If Jesus was a Rabbinical scholar of some sort he would have had been from the Cohenim tribe. Meaning he came from the exact blood line as every other Rabbi of the time. So it's a given that he was related to King David...and that' without trying to prove how legit the brother's story or any other story in the New Testament was. It's also the only sure historical way to trace Jesus back to King David without having to somewhat believe in Christianity or even Judaism itself.

I guess it's more fun to backflip your way to an answer then to just walk right up to it...

mburbank · #22

I gotta say, I think Coehn is a really good last name for Jesus. It beats the hell out of 'Of Nazareth' or 'Christ'.

But I'm pretty sure you are correct that the bible states that Jesus was a Cohenim.

sspadowsky · #23

Something I never thought about was all the folks in the Bible who have English names. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? Isn't it more likely that they were Moshe, Hershel, Shlomo, and Volf?