Outback
History is a cruel bitch. What could be termed as acceptable one year could be something vastly different the next. While this change and the resultant change of attitudes and the fairness of it all could be argued, it does result in some entertaining paradoxes.
Such an example is Rambo III. You know, the one where Rambo goes into Afghanistan and helps the Rebels throw out the Russians. Put that into today's context, and you have Rambo throwing out one American enemy for another, more dangerous one. All of this is unfair, of course. One simply can't put a '80s brainless action flick up for today's rules unless one wants to put more of a restriction on subject material. While these paradoxes will and always will exist, it's simply a part of fiction.
So where am I going with this? Simple. Outback's filecard describes him as a survivalist from Idaho. This is unfortunate for two reasons: 1) the reason above, and 2) because he is the gayest fucking survivalist I've ever seen.
His 'uniform' is nothing more than fatigues and a stupid white shirt that says 'Survival' which he probably got from a crafts store. It's stupid. Survivalists--those who aren't stupid Biblebeating hicks who walk around their house in their underwear and holding a .45, mumbling about that darn government--are usually the type to either dress conservatively or effectively. What does Outback do? He wears some pants he probably weaseled from an Army surplus store and a shirt that could only blend in JC Penney. He doesn't look like a man who could live off the land as a poser who looks like he knows what kind of bark to eat but eventually gets rescued five days later on the other side of the mountain, in the fetal position, whining about his last bottle of Evian. Plus his head looks like a toned down Kris Kristoffson. Huh??
Plus the name is stupid. 'Outback' brings to mind Australia. Not some Idaho loser with an awful shirt. It's just a faux pas, really. But maybe Hasbro was trying to tie in this figure with the brief American career of Yahoo Serious? Mad Max? Jocko? Who the hell knows.
So, Outback sits next to Tollbooth on the 'unfortunate names' bench, remembered only because he was probably the Joe who got kicked out because he didn't pay his taxes, then sneaked back in to hand out pamphets with erronous, exaggerating facts about God full of those stupid number games that somehow foretell (after the fact) how the 9/11 attacks were all tied to the number 73. After an incident in which Gung Ho and Stalker kick his ass for being a jerk, Outback is kicked out off the grounds and for five days stations himself by the ditch by the Joe HQ entrance and stages a 'protest' with a crappy blue and purple K-Mart tent until he's taken away in an ambulance after his diet of strange red berries and squirrel shit cause him to get violently ill. After that? Nothing but a sad pathetic footnote in history.
Thanks for the picture. God only knows why they called him "Raptor". His filecard is pretty ridiculous too. "yuppie tax consultant..."
Linear Mode
