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  #51  
MarioRPG MarioRPG is offline
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Old Jan 15th, 2008, 04:53 PM       
That final moment would make an excellent piece of art.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU PUNY LITTLE BASTARD. I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A MAN OUT OF YA, OBVIOUSLY, BUT COME BY ANY TIME AND I'LL WHIP YOUR SUPPLE LITTLE GIRL BODY INTO A SHAPE

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  #52  
Pihlak101 Pihlak101 is offline
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Old Jan 15th, 2008, 05:16 PM       
These stories are gold. The only stories I can think of are all sad or involve me getting yelled at.
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  #53  
J. Tithonus Pednaud J. Tithonus Pednaud is offline
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Old Jan 15th, 2008, 05:23 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarioRPG View Post
That final moment would make an excellent piece of art.
The strangling, weeping or lumbering?
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  #54  
MarioRPG MarioRPG is offline
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Old Jan 15th, 2008, 05:30 PM       
The strangling while crying, is actually what I had in mind.
The weeping would be pretty good too though.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU PUNY LITTLE BASTARD. I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A MAN OUT OF YA, OBVIOUSLY, BUT COME BY ANY TIME AND I'LL WHIP YOUR SUPPLE LITTLE GIRL BODY INTO A SHAPE

LOVE, YOUR FIJIAN HOST DAD
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  #55  
saltshakermaniac saltshakermaniac is offline
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Old Jan 15th, 2008, 06:10 PM       
JTP you are the tride and true king of all work related stories. Mine wont add up to much in comparison on the account that I work security and with the exception of dealing with the occaisanl "fruity" truck driver or some drunk its not that exciting. I should also meantion that I work security at a Auto assembly plant in the metro Detriot area. So down to my story, One night in July last year we got a call that there was a confrontion inside the plant so myself along with another guard went inside. This other person i was with is about 6'4 and weighs in at around 320 pounds while i stand at a healthy 6'1 230 pounds. Anyways by the time we got in there the verbal confrontaion had turned into a full blown fist fight, so me and the other guy go about trying to break it up and escort both of the people off the properity. My co-worker had no trouble pulling one of the people away but when I put my hand on the guys shoulder he turns and takes a swing at me, Ive trained as a Boxer so I instictvly blocked him and steped out of the way, this man decied to charge at me and i side step him and he flew head first into the steel handle of a large dolly that is used to haul windsheilds, needless to say he knocked himself out cold. So we had to call an ambulance in to haul this man away. Well after talking to all the avaible witness,I write my report, and call it a night. Well, about 2 weeks afterwords I got a court summons, Turns out the guy who knocked himself out was sueing me for healthcare exspensises. So I simply printed up a copy of the report and went to court. After the judge read my report and the statements of the witness he decied to throw it out shortly after reading it, So i guess there is a such thing as happy endings!!!!
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  #56  
Jeff The Ninja Jeff The Ninja is offline
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Old Jan 15th, 2008, 10:56 PM       
JTP, how did you get a job working at the Odditorium. I love that little box on the side of the midway. Whenever i go to my cities carnival/annual gouge, i always make it a point to take my embarassed family and/or friends inside there.
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  #57  
J. Tithonus Pednaud J. Tithonus Pednaud is offline
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Old Jan 16th, 2008, 12:23 AM       
Long story short, I used to perform a lot of sideshow stunts, theater and oratory gigs. I ended up falling in with Canada's last odditorium owner as the outside ticket taker and talker. We've really fallen out since then though.

Are you right in Saskatoon? I was there with the World of Wonders in the summer of '05.
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  #58  
Phobetor Phobetor is offline
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Old Jan 16th, 2008, 04:21 PM       
Removed due to it's offensive nature.
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Last edited by Phobetor : Jan 18th, 2008 at 09:35 PM.
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  #59  
J. Tithonus Pednaud J. Tithonus Pednaud is offline
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Old Jan 16th, 2008, 05:01 PM       
You sound like a dick. The monkey business stuff is fine. But the box cutter incident...

I would have ended you, and that's not me talking tough. I would have just lost it on you.
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Last edited by J. Tithonus Pednaud : Jan 17th, 2008 at 09:39 AM.
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  #60  
Phobetor Phobetor is offline
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Old Jan 16th, 2008, 05:13 PM       
Yes, even I have to admit it wasn't one of my better moments.
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  #61  
MLE MLE is offline
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Old Jan 17th, 2008, 07:55 AM       
a second ago, you thought it was one of your proudest achievements, due to your saying "The best part is..." right afterwards.

You are why people are no longer good.
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  #62  
Chojin Chojin is offline
was never good
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Old Jan 17th, 2008, 09:04 AM       
I was going to say pretty much verbatim what Pednaud did.
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  #63  
MarioRPG MarioRPG is offline
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Old Jan 17th, 2008, 04:10 PM       
The ape thing was cool.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Esuohlim View Post
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU PUNY LITTLE BASTARD. I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A MAN OUT OF YA, OBVIOUSLY, BUT COME BY ANY TIME AND I'LL WHIP YOUR SUPPLE LITTLE GIRL BODY INTO A SHAPE

LOVE, YOUR FIJIAN HOST DAD
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  #64  
Sam Sam is offline
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Old Jan 17th, 2008, 04:28 PM       
I knew he was a dick the second I saw BLACK TEXT.

DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK
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  #65  
Cosmo Electrolux Cosmo Electrolux is offline
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Old Jan 17th, 2008, 04:35 PM       
the black letters represent his black heart.... :emofag

but, the gorilla suit story was pretty funny.....i lol'd.....
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  #66  
Zbu Manowar Zbu Manowar is offline
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Old Jan 20th, 2008, 07:45 PM       
Okay, I'll try to break out one more story. Not to get my crown back, but because this is just strange.

A few years ago I worked at an indie video store just outside of Ann Arbor in this little city with a bad water supply. The problem with this city is that it was close enough to Ann Arbor to eventually be enveloped by it thanks to urban sprawl. Before the sprawl, it was redneck heaven with tractor pulls and tons of farmland and houses that stretched back to the 1800s. After? It was still hickish but now had a lot of people imitating the rich people lifestyle as they saw it: tons of name brand clothing, expensive cars, expensive housing. Sadly, the income was nowhere near Ann Arbor levels. A fellow who moonlighted at the video store was a mailman by day and told everybody stories of how these big fancy houses with BMWs and the like were completely empty. One look inside would show a lack of furniture or anybody who lived there would put up or own. There was a TV, a chair, and nothing else.

This city--whose name I will not reveal for the obvious reasons--was essentially the epitome of pathetic yuppie excess without the money to back it up. And this included the mayor and the city council.

The reason the indie store was able to remain in business was due to two parts: we were the only ones who rented porn, and the head of the business was using it as a tax writeoff: we would only take in a hundred dollars of profit per night, even on the weekends. And everybody in that town, despite their newfound yuppie values and overt Christianity, loved the fucking porn. It wasn't even good porn, it was the cheapest that could be bought in bulk. But it was honey to a beehive, and that's how I made my bread.

Until one day when the Mayor's little snowflake of a daughter decided not to return a tape on time. For a week.

The charge was $20 and if nobody dicked us around with it, we would cut it in half. The Mayor, however, was one of those 'career professional women' who had the short annoying haircut and the business suit. She did not want to talk about this. She didn't even want to admit to it. She wanted it gone because she was the big bad mayor and she didn't think it was proper for someone in her position--as the mayor of a perfectly pathetic community--to pay for late fees. You know, because she was important and everything.

The owner of the business didn't give a right fuck what happened. The District Manager wasn't going to do anything about it. If it had to be sent to collections on principle, it was going to happen. So the letters of protest started: professional letters on the Mayor's letterhead, unprofessional and badly handwritten letters with vague threats taped to the door of our establishment, the whole works. Finally, the coup de grace. The Mayor walks into our store one day, tosses a letter on our counter, and walks out without a fucking word.

The letter inside was basically a typed threat (in businessese) noting how our business was now being investigated because of the rental of pornography to minors and various other shit. Because, you know, it was the mayor's daughter who didn't return it and since the Mayor was denying responsibility....

And this is when I snapped. The manager was my sister's boyfriend at the time, and I asked him if I could respond to this in a way that would benefit everybody involved. He agreed. And I set to my work.

A few days later the Mayor's office received a large package sent by registered mail. Within was a number of records we had since the business had opened. These were the records of every single movie rented and/or bought from our location since opening of every single member of the City Council, the Mayor, and various workers under the Mayor's employ that were unlucky enough to have their names listed at their offices. The movies rented were shown when they were rented and returned, how much the totals were, and the title of every single one in beautiful black and white. Also enclosed was a statement of our policy in regards to total compliance with the proper authorities in regards to situations such as these. We had the names, dates, and personal information of every single major person in power in that shithole city along with their rental records.

Guess how much of that was porn. No, rather, guess how much of that wasn't porn.

My final addition to this was on the letter itself. I'm sure such business types like that knew was cc: meant. As a final gag, I put in various email and snail address to the various news stations in the Detroit area who I knew would be fascinated with the story of the Mayor who tried to bully a small video store when her daughter wouldn't return her porn. And I was ready to send it, too, unless a deal could be made.

Her bill was paid off the next fucking day, in person. And the rest of the debts ran up by the city council just happened to get paid later that week as well. Odd that.
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  #67  
Emu Emu is offline
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Old Jan 20th, 2008, 09:42 PM       
You are a god damn hero.
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  #68  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Jan 20th, 2008, 09:59 PM       
Wonderful.
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That was very funny. Well done.
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  #69  
J. Tithonus Pednaud J. Tithonus Pednaud is offline
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Old Jul 4th, 2009, 06:44 PM       
*removed under threat of unemployment*
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Last edited by J. Tithonus Pednaud : Jul 5th, 2009 at 07:22 AM.
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  #70  
ZeldaQueen ZeldaQueen is offline
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Old Jul 4th, 2009, 09:00 PM       
A few summers ago, my neighbor hired routinely as a babysitter for her young daughter and son. Things mostly went well, but there was one evening when things were a bit rocky.

The daughter had some sinus problems which meant that she was to be given a pill every night at bed. This was no problem. But that night, she apparently had a head cold and her mother told me that when I put the kids to bed, I was to give her a dose of medicine for her stuffy nose.

So, come bed time I get the kids to change their clothes, brush their teeth, etc. Then, I pour the dose of medicine and ask the girl to drink it. She goes nuts and starts sobbing that she doesn't want to take the medicine. I didn't get it myself. It wasn't like it was that nasty tasting (grape flavored, it was pretty much the only medicine I actually liked as a child). I try to get her to take it, her brother tries to convince her, nothing works. I decide to try to calm her down first, so I tell her it's alright, just get into bed. My plan was loosely to wait until she was in bed and tired and then get her to drink the medicine by pretending it was water or something. But at about the time she was in bed, her parents came home. I met them at the door and told them I was sorry but the girl wouldn't take the medicine. The mother told me not to worry, if she didn't want to take the medicine, she didn't have to.

This confused me a bit because in my life, I always figured that medicine was assigned to you for medical reasons and therefore if you wanted to stay healthy you just take it no matter how bad it tasted. In any case, I felt rather sorry for my own mom, as I still have memories of her holding me down to take Robitussin whenever I was sick as a child.
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  #71  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
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Old Jul 4th, 2009, 10:41 PM       
These two stories gave me whiplash.

I was once involved in a demonstration from a vendor trying to sell us a piece of fairly expensive ($50k) equipment. The vendor was a garage business, as far as I knew the only employee in his business. I was fairly new in my position, so I was reticent for most of the demo. However, it became clear to me after a half-hour or so that he was selling us smoke and mirrors. So I thought of a pretty good question to ask the guy that could expose the weakness in his equipment. I asked, and he looked ready to answer, when the Director of Operations looked at me and screamed (no hyperbole) at me to shut the hell up and let the guy do his demonstration, and stop asking stupid questions. I was so appalled by this situation that I clammed up - probably not what I would do at this point in my career, but there you go.

Later, the same director sees me in the hallway, and states that he was just trying to give me some "coaching".

As it shook out, the company wasted all told about $250k in goods, materials, software and hardware, and man-hours trying to generate useful information our of a device that I knew wouldn't work before it was purchased. As a sidebar, the DO was fired 2 years later for unethical business practices. Go figure.
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  #72  
BillyBear BillyBear is offline
"It's all so appalling."
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Old Jul 7th, 2009, 05:29 AM       
hard day
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  #73  
Dixie Dixie is offline
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Old Jul 7th, 2009, 05:48 AM       
the first week of jersey boys i worked 76 hours or so
i love my job
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  #74  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old Jul 13th, 2009, 07:02 PM       
I don't know what bothers me more at work:

1) When someone doesn't understand me and they answer with "Do wut Naaw?"

2) When I ask someone for the FIRST NAME and they answer with "Chad Stevenson"
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  #75  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Jul 13th, 2009, 07:12 PM       
Sounds like a really challenging job.
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