This is article I wrote today for the stripe and I have adapted it here for your ease of viewing.
I was pondering football on this sunny day of the Super Bowl and it occurred to me that it is indeed not at all gay. This is a sport of time-honored masculinity where men like to get all comfy on couches together and watch other men on television hop on top of each other. I mean, what could be more heterosexual than a bunch of guys prancing around a field in tight little spandex pants, occasionally lying on top of each other and patting each other's asses? The only way to make this any straighter would be if they were tugging on each others’ scrotums but you have to draw the line somewhere otherwise they’d be so involved with being icons of heterosexual machismo that they’d never get a chance to play with that toy testicle (which I’ve been told is kind of the point).
Here we have a picture of a couple of young men enjoying a game of football. Notice how the one in blue is holding the toy testicle to his nutsack. With the help of the team-player in red, this game is probably very satisfying and heterosexual for them both.
Ah yes. This isn't what it looks like at all! So there you have it. America's favorite manly sport. So if anyone hints that being a football fan is roughly equivalent to being a closet homosexual, just yell "na'a" and prance away in a manly fashion.
Oh yes, and uh...these guys umm...they're just checking for injuries...probably.
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