Dec 31st, 2004, 10:10 PM
Bible Slash.
Why is thy countenance thus, Cain? I did not like your potato; but if thou produceth a good potato, I will praise thee! Be not wroth; thy brother's apple wert tasty because he putteth hard work therein; and lo, kill him not therefor, for thou wouldst be condemned to be demonic-cool for evermore! And from thee wouldst come vampires, annoying cliché goth-kids, and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
And God did kickest Adam and Eve out of the garden, rather stoked that he had the place to himself once more. He could perambulate naked amongst the leopards, and exercisest his most secret desires without being asked by Adam why he was inserting his God-rod into Mr Leopard. But lo, remembering his lack of security therein and that he did not wanteth Adam or Eve to returnest, he setteth one of his cherubs at the gate; and to that cherub he gave a fiery sword. And he saw that this was totally hardcore, and all was good. But God did lamentest, for he had nobody wherewith to share his celebratory jig; man had left his garden, and no more would he stroll naked through the trees, wiggling his butt in that cute little way he— God checked himself, and remembered that Mr Leopard hadn't had his 'morning exercise'.
And God walked through the garden, and he did search for Adam; but nowhere couldst he find him.
"Where art thou, Adam?" asked God; drawn towards a bush whence strange noises came.
And lo, Adam was masturbating!
"Adam," cried God in surprise; "what art thou doing?"
And Adam said, "Eve gave me this really cool Apple, and I ran a search on 'Bible pr0n' and, well . . . "
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