What are you playing right now?

[Phoenix Gamma]

Except for the parts where you're zigzagging in the bigger rooms because of the D-Pad. And firing missiles with the awful first person controls. And pixel hunting in first person to progress the story (green blood on green grass! of course!) And fighting repetitive bosses. And charging through long hallways taking heat damage because Adam thinks you shouldn't have heat-resistant armor. And the parts were the environments are shallow, lifeless, and have almost nothing in them and zero exploring (which would be...all of it.)

Game's pretty shallow and mediocre. Also, Sakamoto's stubbornness to include joystick support is just retarded. I don't know if anyone gave him the memo, but the N64 got a joystick to make 3D games playable. That's why Sony added it after they realized how frustrating a D-Pad is in 3D.

That game's just packed with bad decisions. Gunpei Yokoi must be spinning in his grave faster than a morph ball.

[Guitar Woman]

green blood on green grass! of course!

goddamnit, this got me too. I kept thinking, "Well, guys, maybe I could figure out what happened better if you'd let me see the fucking body" and "Ok, James is probably the traitor, maybe if I shot him right away I could avoid a lot of Redshirtery"

Other than that you can generally figure out what you're supposed to be looking for if you either wave the Wii-remote around on the screen a whole lot or pretend to be Sherlock Holmes and deduce the fuck out of every visual clue. I apply a mix of either method.

I thought the controls would be horrible, but they really aren't. Simplistic, maybe, but Metroid has always essentially been a game where you do three things: shoot stuff, run around, and turn into a marble to blow the walls up. The core gameplay just feels right, for some reason; it's all fancy and streamlined and shit. I think I've accidentally turned on "squishy child" mode, since Samus seems to bullet-time dodge everything automatically if I'm not in motion and don't jump out of the way. Or sometimes when I am in motion. It's finnicky. I can kinda see the complaints about missile mode, but the only enemies you really need to use them on are either slow or stunnable with a charge shot; just beat up on them until they flash vunerable and shove explosives up their arses. My only real beef is that yeah, it's on rails harder than all the other Metroids, but so was Fusion and that's easily the best game in the series.

The Pyrosphere wasn't as retarded as I thought it'd be, since they scaled the convection-damage way down from what it was in the other games. The part that really pissed me off is how hard it is to get out of lava if you get knocked over. The boss in the volcano at the end really kicked my shit in because of his cheeky attack telegraphing, but I haven't really had a game wail on me in a while so I hope it gets harder.

I rather think the environments all look great, too, this is one of the prettier Wii games.

Haters gonna hate, I guess.

[OxBlood]

Hm, that 2 Worlds has kind of an interesting Magic system...all very modular...I combine the fire element with the projectile carrier and have some kind of fireball. If I leave out the damage modificator though it becomes a blinding projectile...or I could combine the air element with the summoning carrier and I get a Wasp-Pet...I need more modules...errr cards.

[Guitar Woman]

Oh my god, I just got to the Ridley scene

Honestly, Samus shitting a brick might have been a decent idea if this game wasn't the second-latest in the timeline. So, after ruining Ridley's shit in Metroid 1, Metroid Prime 1 and 3, and twice in Super Metroid, she's suddenly all PTSD Clarinet Kid whenever he shows up? I would think Ridley'd be more terrified of her at this point.

That aside, I was almost able to take it seriously until the part where Samus falls a long way without the power suit, only she's doing ninja-flips for some reason while yelling "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" and I couldn't not bust out laughing.

The more of the plot I see the more I feel like a dirty whore for enjoying this game. As a Metroid fan, I am being anally raped, but as a gamer, I am being served a fresh, delicious guava on a golden platter.

I really have no idea what to tell people about Other M. The narrative is a filthy abomination, a repeat of which must not be encouraged, but on the other hand it's really a good action title and the Wii's still basically a starving african child in terms of releases actually intended for people who play video games.

NON METROID STUFF: I got Kirby's Epic Yarn, too. The ramped-up cuteness makes the wanton, ruthless slaughter of thousands upon thousands of Waddle Dees profoundly more disturbing than usual. Seriously, Kirby turns into a little pink yarn car when he runs and a submarine when he goes underwater! How fucking cute is that? It's the most ridiculously adorable game I've seen since Yoshi's Story. You're likely to get diabetes just by watching the trailer.

[DougClayton4231]

Originally Posted by Phoenix Gamma

Except for the parts where you're zigzagging in the bigger rooms because of the D-Pad. And firing missiles with the awful first person controls. And pixel hunting in first person to progress the story (green blood on green grass! of course!) And fighting repetitive bosses. And charging through long hallways taking heat damage because Adam thinks you shouldn't have heat-resistant armor. And the parts were the environments are shallow, lifeless, and have almost nothing in them and zero exploring (which would be...all of it.)

Game's pretty shallow and mediocre. Also, Sakamoto's stubbornness to include joystick support is just retarded. I don't know if anyone gave him the memo, but the N64 got a joystick to make 3D games playable. That's why Sony added it after they realized how frustrating a D-Pad is in 3D.

That game's just packed with bad decisions. Gunpei Yokoi must be spinning in his grave faster than a morph ball.

I can't believe that we're talking about that piece of shit again. I swear to God that that was the most disappointing game of the past 5-10 years. If I ever hear her lethargic, braindead droning again...actually, I don't know what I'd do...

My girlfriend called me gay for playing Epic Yarn. Hilarious.

[Phoenix Gamma]

There's another scene where Samus gets taken down by one shot of the ice pistol, then is left totally defenseless, in her zero suit, unable to stand, gasping for air, for like 15 minutes.

Oh, and you'll learn to hate the missiles after you play the story's final boss, GW. Oh, and I'll tell you right now, the game never reveals the Deleter. It gets dropped for another subplot.

JAPAN. YOU SUCK AT STORYTELLING.

Epic Yarn convinced me to never kill a Waddle Dee. Especially the two sleeping under the tree together in that one level. One tried to tackle me, but he went like 2 inches, hit the ground, and squeaked. If you want disturbing slaughter, though, the new game added in the Super Star remake on DS has a story that basically boils down to "Kirby sees Dedede's castle. Kills millions. Even the right hand man who is just a Waddle Dee with a hat." Oh, and Squeak Squad, where Kirby loses his cake and decides EVERYONE MUST DIE. Then he accidentally saves the world in the process.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

lol, kirbys a jerk.

[Phoenix Gamma]

Someone asked me if there was a game character who could beat Superman. Given that Kirby can't die in Epic Yarn, and he's split a planet in two with his bare...fist stubs...I'd say he's pretty much the strongest character in fiction next to God.

BUT HE'S SO CYUTE <33333333333

[Esuohlim]

WARIO CAN'T DIE EITHER

UNLESS YOU'RE PLAYING THE FIRST WARIO GAME FOR GAMEBOY

THE BEST ONE

[Esuohlim]

BY THE WAY IF THIS WERE 1996 I WOULD BE TOTALLY ON THE UP AND UP ON ALL THE CURRENT GAMES

YOU CRAZY KIDS

[Phoenix Gamma]

JUST WATCH OPRAH. SHE'S DOWN WITH THE KINECT AND SHIT.

ALSO WARIO'S UGLY AND NEVER KARATE CHOPPED A PLANET IN HALF OR KILLED THE SUN AND THE MOON AT THE SAME TIME. KIRBY WINS.

[King Hadas]

Originally Posted by Guitar Woman

Oh my god, I just got to the Ridley scene

I just watched that shit on Youtube. I don't know, maybe Samus suffers from some sort of extreme social anxiety disorder. She was fighting those lava monsters no problem before she encounters Ridley so maybe her reaction is more like stage fright because that other dude was there too.

[Phoenix Gamma]

It's hard fighting Ridley when you've already killed him twice. (four times if you count the Prime games as canon.)

Oh wait. It's not hard. At all.

[Esuohlim]

Why wouldn't the Prime games be canon? What makes them any less of a Metroid game dude don't make me KICK YOUR ASS

[DougClayton4231]

Originally Posted by Esuohlim

Why wouldn't the Prime games be canon? What makes them any less of a Metroid game dude don't make me KICK YOUR ASS

lmao. I thought that they were the games that preceded Super Metroid although I could be wrong

[Phoenix Gamma]

Yea, the Prime games are supposed to take place between Metroid 2 and Super. But since Sakaoto (the dude who directed Super, Fusion, and Other M) wasn't directly involved, he doesn't count them.

BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. THIS IS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVoSYDWX2Ig
IT'S OCTODAD. A DAD WHO IS AN OCTOPUS.

[Dimnos]

Metroid 2? Wasnt that the one on the GB where you get the baby metroid at the end? Then doesnt she take it straight to the guys at the begining of super? How does she have the time to do anything in between? Is the baby metroid just sitting on her ship waiting for her to get done with whatever grand adventure? Arent there other metroids in the prime games? Isnt that baby supposed to be the last of its kind at that time?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I thought samus dropped the metroid off at the beginning of 3, end of 2. Then returned a short time later when ridley stole the metroid.

[Dimnos]

by 3 do you mean super? Because I thought super happened right after 2.

Note: I am NOT a Metroid aficionado.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

yeah, 3 is super.

[Guitar Woman]

The prime games take place between 1 and 2, sillyheads

I wouldn't hesitate to not count Prime 3 as canon, what a piece of shit

[DougClayton4231]

I concur. Prime 3 was Metroid for dummies.

Anyone else excited for Splatterhouse and DKC?

[Phoenix Gamma]

Prime 3 was fine. It didn't shit on the whole franchise like Other M. Fans pretty much retconned it themselves.

AND I'VE BEEN POSTING SHIT ABOUT DK FOR AWHILE NOW. GOD NO ONE EVER CLICKS MY LINKS.
EDIT: actually I think I only posted 2 trailers. BUT Y'ALL A BUNCH AH BUSTAS REGARDLESS.

[OxBlood]

I´ve never given one shit about the story of Metroid. Some gal in a suit collects keys that take the form of weapons and armor and busts some purple or red Pterodaktyl´s ass and then the brain-squids show up but you freeze them and you´re fine. Credits roll, you had fun, thank you Metroid. Now just to clarify, I really like the Metroid games, the 2D ones at least, Prime didn´t do it for me somehow.

And again concerning 2 Worlds 2:
With the purchase of one spell card I unlocked about 40% more spells, yay. There´s so much shit going on with the magic in that game...

Also ordered Majin and the forsaken kingdom cause I loved the demo already

[Dr. Boogie]

Did they fix combat, and the way everything scales up in such a way that you never feel like you're getting any better at anything?

I guess what I'm saying is talk more about Two Worlds 2.