Jesus Christ is the Devil !!!!!!!!!666!!

[imported_Hollycaust]

Okay so I have this theory.
Its such an awesome theory, seriously. I dont know if I can justly explain it just through typing cause its the topic of a long and serious discussion and thats hard to do online. But i'll try to explain my genius theory anyway.
First of all let me just start by saying that I dont nessescarily believe in the bible or any organized religion, but if the bible was a true story then I feel my take on it is the right one. Thanks.
Before you read this, if youre a christian youre gunna get offended so know this now, and dont read this if you arent going to be open minded, you fucks.
Im the poster child for open mindedness btw.

Ok so the bible is split into 2 books. The old and new testament. The old testament is the book the of the bible that the Jews follow, and the new testament is the book that christians follow. Even though both of these books are called the bible, theyre completely different stories and somewhat hypocritical.
The old testament is the word of God and blah blah, and it talks about how the angel lucifer rebelled against god because he said that god wasnt anything and he could get people to follow and believe in him just as easily as they would believe in god and he could turn them against him. Well god "casts him down" from heaven.

So here we go, devil is out of heaven, on his own, to prove himself to god. So just saying, if youre the devil, and you want to go to earth to get people to follow you what would be the best way to decieve people? Say you're the son of god. He goes to the jews which god says are his chosen people and tries to get the jews to follow him and believe in him. So the bible is now split up into two parts ...the word of god and the word of jesus and his followers or w/e. Well in the new testament it even says that Jesus told people they didnt have to believe in the lord as long as they believed in his only son.

Anyway heres the kicker. What did jesus do for "us" that was so important. He died for our sins. Hmm wow sorry if I'm the only one who can see through this bullshit. Jesus dies for us so that we can sin and if we ask him for forgiveness we'll have eternal life. Its like hes saying, hey world, its ok to sin, cause im going to die for you, IM THE SON OF GOD, so sin on just believe in me and ask for my forgiveness and you're in!

Seriously. Hes the devil. The fucking devil. Anyway this is easier to explain irl because as soon as someone comes back with a counter arguement i always can answer quickly and put them in their place. If anyone can tell me LOGICALLY that im wrong, I'll give you $3.

[The One and Only...]

I think I found the error in your theory.

You're a fucktard.

[Chugs]

Ouch. That was not called for.

How does Lucifer classify as the son of God?

[Spectre X]

Dear Hollycaust,

There are several flaws in your theory:

1- It is not an awesome theory.

2- The Bible is not real. It's the most popular work of fiction ever, though.

3- YOUR USER PIC IS TOO FUCKING LARGE SHRINK THAT FUCKER DOWN JESUS CHRIST

[Sethomas]

Jesus' death was necessary because sin is inevitable. However, He said that to attain Heaven one must renounce his posessions, love his neighbor as himself, turn the other cheek, and live in utmost humility. In other words, sin is a fact of life, but not a lifestyle except by choice. Choose to live in sin and you go to hell.

Why would Satan tell anyone that? Wouldn't it kind of defeat the purpose of deceiving God's people?

In short, you're retarded.

[Chugs]

Snap.

Answer my question.

[El Blanco]

1) Christians do believe in the Old Testement. We believe Jesus fulfills the prophecies.

2) Prophecies. Jesus is predicted throughout the OT. Its deffinatly open to interpretation, but He's there.

3) The difference between the two books isn't with God, but our understanding of God. You see a great deal of spiritual, intellectual and philosophical "evolution" from Genesis through Revelations.

4) Jesus died to defeat sin and make death a temporary sleep, not the eternal darkness so many feared. He was the sacraficial lamb that saved us.


Your theory wasn't that awesome, or ground breaking, or even original. I've seen it before, articualted better.

[kellychaos]

Originally Posted by Sethomas

Jesus' death was necessary because sin is inevitable. However, He said that to attain Heaven one must renounce his posessions, love his neighbor as himself, turn the other cheek, and live in utmost humility. In other words, sin is a fact of life, but not a lifestyle except by choice. Choose to live in sin and you go to hell.

Why would Satan tell anyone that? Wouldn't it kind of defeat the purpose of deceiving God's people?

In short, you're retarded.

Agreed, he's retarded. Just for the sake of argument; however, just because two separate dieties set the same goals for the human race, it does not necessarily mean that a duality does not exist. Hypothtically speaking, if one does meet these prerequsites, who then is the bestower of ultimate bliss in the end?

[kahljorn]

Somewhere in revelations it calls Jesus the "Morning Star". The morning star is also a reference to satan. I could probably find the exact verse if I wanted.
According to gnostics most of the story of lucifer falling is actually an allusion to the fall of mankind, akin to the stories of atlantis and of course herme's stories of Poimandres, the "Great dragon". The story of Jesus is the story of mankind "Rising" from the Sin of this universe and going back to where we belong. Christ is supposively actually a reference to the process and the "Spirit spark atom" inside of us, a remnant of divinity. This story is sort of like Bacchus, who the early christians actually said WAS jesus, and could/should be worshipped like him. Osiris, balder... there's lots of stories of jesus in mythology. Oh, and jesus' name in gematria is 666, Shem Yeheshuah.
So i guess if you wanted, you could say that Lucifer is Jesus, because lucifer is supposed to be a story about the falling of mankind to earth, like the story of Adam and Eve eatting the apple, while jesus is the story of mankind shedding it's humanity and rejoining divinity.



:gnostic

[Ant10708]

'Two stories' Have you ever even looked inside a Bible before you came up with this theory? It isn't an orginal theory anyways. You can find books on this same subject except without a retard as the narrative

[Emu]

It wasn't Jesus that was referred to as the morning star.

[kahljorn]

Emu, you're stupid. Don't talk to me.

revelations 22:16 "I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this message for the churches. I am both the source of David and the heir to his throne. I am the bright morning star."

ill throwinafew different versions..

22:16 I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright morning star.
that's KJV

I, Jesus, have sent (B)My angel to testify to you these things (C)for the churches I am (D)the root and the (E)descendant of David, the bright (F)morning star."

16"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you[a] this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."


Want to shut the fuck up now, fucko? Seriously, argueit. Make me laugh.

[ziggytrix]

Originally Posted by Hollycaust

The old testament is the word of God and blah blah, and it talks about how the angel lucifer rebelled against god because he said that god wasnt anything and he could get people to follow and believe in him just as easily as they would believe in god and he could turn them against him. Well god "casts him down" from heaven.

And I can tell you've actually read the old testament, as opposed to say, just watching The Prophecy.

I like your divine conspiracy theory though, it's cute.

[Emu]

Take the fork out of your ass, all right? I'm man enough to admit I was wrong. But I was thinking of this:

Isaiah
14:4 that thou shalt take up this parable against the king of Babylon, and say, How hath the oppressor ceased! the golden city ceased!...
14:10 All they shall answer and say unto thee, Art thou also become weak as we? art thou become like unto us?
14:11 Thy pomp is brought down to Sheol, [and] the noise of thy viols: the worm is spread under thee, and worms cover thee.
14:12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O day-star, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, that didst lay low the nations!

[Yggdrasill]

As you can see, Jesus is on the left and Satan is cleary a seperate entity on the right. Where's my $3?

[Pub Lover]

You can't understand the Bible till you've read it in the original Klingon.

[Emu]

The Bible is really just a dirty Jew bastardization of the I-Ching, which is just a bastardization of the Necronomicon which was written by Aliester Crowley while he was surfing the cosmos and bringing the word of Wicca to the various planets across the galaxy after his conversion to it in Alpha Centaury by the R'kshawe beings of Betelgeuse. Duh.

[KevinTheOmnivore]

Let's use the $3 and buy something really NICE.

[Sethomas]

My suggestion: Jack Chick tracts.

[Helm]

I feel strongly compelled to make fun of kahl for the "gnostic" business

[KevinTheOmnivore]

Originally Posted by Sethomas

My suggestion: Jack Chick tracts.

Those little things RULE. I'm in.

[kahljorn]

It's okay emu, I just like acting like a jerk

[Emu]

aight :hug

[kellychaos]

There were too many forks in Kahl's reference tree. It left me a bit confuzzled.

[kahljorn]

I didn't have a reference tree, just cold hard facts based on easily comparable mythology.

"I feel strongly compelled to make fun of kahl for the "gnostic" business"

Try it, I'm too smart.