Private Eye Red Drum For Hire!

[McClain]

Don't know who to trust any longer? Your family members a bunch of back-stabbers? Your business partners a load of no-good scammers? Your old lady an insatiable, money-hungry strumpet who had a threesome with your dad and his brother while you were on travel in North Dakota, saving your measley per diem to buy her an elegant dining table? IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!

If you need to find out about someone, Private Eye Red Drum can launch an accurate and confidential investigation that will answer your questions and ultimately, probably solve your problem.



One of your employees claiming false worker's compensation? I CAN FIND OUT! Ball and chain deep-sixing your ass and sixty-nining someone else's? I CAN FIND OUT! Think I'm full of shit? I CAN FIND OUT! I HAVE A BADGE!



With over 38 years of investigative experience, Red Drum has found that what most people need in order to prove something is "evidence". Evidence, whether it previously existed or not, can be "uncovered" by Red.

TESTIMONIALS:


"Detective drum helped me to prove that my ex-fiancé was in fact the one punching me in the face while I slept I got the proof and a $17,000 settlement now I can get a new nose! thanks Dick!"


"We had an employee claiming a work-related back injury, but we knew she was a faking whore bitch! Red went out of his way to have freaky cowboy-style sexual relations with her just to prove she was falsifying an injury claim. He went the extra mile and got the job done!"


"My wife suspected our our babysitter of being abusive toward our children, so Private Eye Drum wired our house with cameras. Now we know the babysitter was striking our kids with the Swiffer and masturbating to scrambled porn channels! You da' man Red!"


我是主导的游牧牦牛Head Yak Herder 在不丹, hire associates 有雇员巨型汇集。私有迪克 background check帮助我得 red 到背 applicants lazy mexican 景检查在selfish jew可疑申请人。由not hire于红色, so again, 我没有雇用懒惰墨西哥或一个犹太人!




RED DRUM BIOGRAPHY:

Red Drum, a native of Gary, Indiana, was originally introduced to the crime syndicate at the tender age of 17 when he beat the living shit out of a super-strength mega-intelligent FBI-produced android built for the purpose of military espionage.
This would be used as the truthful metaphor to the extraordinary skills that Private Eye Drum possesses; massive strength and the intellectual wit to outsmart a robot, which could prove to be handy if you need evidence from a robot.
After a mandated four months in a juvenile probation detention center for getting in fisticuffs with a car radio during an interrogation, Red saw his future in crime - from the other end of the bars. He wanted to be a cop like his father before him, and his father before him, but not his father's father's father. He was a pussy.
With new inspiration and an aluminum gat he molded from soda cans, Red upped the stakes and set out on a new journey; the journey of a Private Investigator.


I CAN FIND OUT!

[MetalMilitia]

Very enterprising of you!

[executioneer]

this thread is inspirational :D