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LordSappington LordSappington is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 06:10 PM        Got dumped
Girlfriend dumped me last night, basically because she was bored of me.
Her words, by the way.
I don't really know what to do now. I'm bordering between severe depression and uncontrollable rage.
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Terra Terra is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 06:56 PM       
Time to drink like a failure.

I'm sorry that cunt did that to you. It's time to go forth and get fucked now. Start spreading the seed.
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Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 07:14 PM       
First girlfriend?
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LordSappington LordSappington is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 07:23 PM       
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First girlfriend?
Yeah. I have a fear of opening up to people. I think that's why I'm so pissed, and not just depressed; I finally open up to her, she says she loves me, etc., then boom, she gets bored.
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Grislygus Grislygus is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 10:02 PM       
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Originally Posted by LordSappington View Post
Yeah. I have a fear of opening up to people.
THE CLASSIC LINE

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Originally Posted by LordSappington View Post
I think that's why I'm so pissed, and not just depressed; I finally open up to her, she says she loves me, etc., then boom, she gets bored.
If you're under sixteen, welcome to the real world! If you're over sixteen, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN A SEXLESS "RELATIONSHIP" BRA
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LordSappington LordSappington is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 10:42 PM       
Thanks, Fathom; I think I get what you mean. Sheds some new light on this for me.
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If you're under sixteen, welcome to the real world! If you're over sixteen, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN A SEXLESS "RELATIONSHIP" BRA
I'm eighteen. And really, I'm glad now we never DID have sex; sex for me is really just the ultimate expression of love. Pretty sappy (hurrr), but it's how I work, I guess.

On the plus side, now I can use 'gay' as an adjective without getting chewed out, and that's one less present for her birthday this Saturday.
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Grislygus Grislygus is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 10:47 PM       
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I'm eighteen. And really, I'm glad now we never DID have sex; sex for me is really just the ultimate expression of love. Pretty sappy (hurrr), but it's how I work, I guess.
WRONG. THIS IS WRONG. SEX IS GOOD. SEX IS HEALTHY. YOUR OPINION WILL CHANGE ONCE YOU GET IT ON A REGULAR BASIS, WORK WITH ME HERE.
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Grislygus Grislygus is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 10:45 PM       
"Severe depression". I wish there was a way for me to type that in a more condescending manner. TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL HELP YOU OUT OF THIS BUDDY-MY-BOY! OLE GRISLY GUS HAS A COPYRIGHTED CONFIDENCE BUILDING SYSTEM THAT'S JUST RIGHT FOR YOU.



Step 1: Realize that it doesn't matter and that the only reason you (really) care is because you romanticize banal events in your life and haven't yet realized that only YOU CAN PREVENT YOU FROM FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF. Plus, it's your first girlfriend and if you're sixteen or younger I actually do sympathize, BUT IT'S GONNA BE OKAY, ALRIGHT? I'M HERE TO HELP.

Step 2: (If you're over the age of seventeen, I'm assuming that you have a driver's license and a car. If you don't, I'm sorry. Your lonely blue balls are terminal, game over.) If you have a job, proceed to Step 4. If you don't, get one and proceed to Step 3.

Step 3: Prove yourself a good investment at work and get a raise/promotion. You will now feel more comfortable with yourself, and you'll have money to spend on girls! Holy shit, what a change of pace! A sense of confidence may very well follow! PUT A SMILE ON, BUDDY!

Step 4: Most people don't know this, but I have psychic powers. Therefore, I'm aware of the fact that you're weak, overweight, and don't work out. Buy a gym membership. Work out three times a week. Focus on weight lifting and cardio in equal amounts. DO NOT SLACK OFF. Since you've never worked out before, it's critical that you swallow your shame and ask the advice of manlier men in regards to a beginning workout plan. And no, "I'm not interested in bulking up" is not an excuse. You need a minimum amount of muscles. So you can do things. The spirits are telling me that you have all the strength, durability, and energy of a spent rubber band at the moment.

Step 5: Go on a diet. Not Atkins, not South Beach, ignore that fucking bullshit. I'm putting you on the GRISLYGUS PATENT-PENDING COMMON SENSE DIET! How does it work? I'm glad you asked! It all boils down to easy-to-remember rules!
A. Do not drink soda. Ever. You look like Bluto without the height, shoulders, or muscles.
B. Do not eat fast food. Ever. You look like Free Willy without the grace, dignity, or natural athleticism.
C. Eat NORMAL-sized meals with generous amounts of vegetables. No going for seconds. Snacking is allowed as long as you're eating fruit, or more vegetables.

Step 6: Never feel sorry for yourself, don't blame anyone else for your problems, focus on becoming a "laid-back, friendly, responsible guy with a sense of humor who doesn't take anything personally and doesn't get angry unless someone's being a serious piece of shit"! WOW! ALL YOUR SOCIAL PROBLEMS ARE NOW SOLVED And no, I'm sorry, you are not that person right now. You only think you are. Good luck!






DISCLAIMER: THE GRISLY GUS COPYRIGHTED CONFIDENCE BUILDING SYSTEM DOES NOT COVER THE IMPROVEMENT AND EXPANSION OF PERSONAL INTERESTS,ADVANCED CHARISMATIC QUALITIES, OR COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUES. FURTHER, THE GRISLY GUS CONFIDENCE BUILDING SYSTEM DOES NOT PROVIDE PROTECTION AGAINST "NICE GUY" BITTERNESS AND FRIEND ZONES. SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE GIRLFRIENDS AND SOCIAL CIRCLES.
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  #9  
The Leader The Leader is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 07:20 PM       
Now elx will move in and pick up all the pieces. ;/
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The Leader The Leader is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 07:25 PM       
Don't worry, you have your whole life ahead of you. There will be tons more girls who will break up with you, just you wait and see!
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Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 07:30 PM       
Ah. Okay then.

You'll get over it, to be honest. When you're done with somebody, you're better able to see everything that may have been wrong that you were overlooking, blinded.

And there's something better for you out there and such. Obviously, "love" carries more meaning for you than for her. Find someone with the equivalent amount. Also, best you get hurt early on while you're young and stupid than when you're old and stupid, when you don't have any time after you learn.

And if you have trouble opening up to people, pretend that you don't. That might sound fucking weird and hard to understand, but if you can feign being brave and nonchalant, well, that's as good as being brave and nonchalant.

You dig?
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Pentegarn Pentegarn is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 08:11 PM       
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Originally Posted by Fathom Zero View Post
Ah. Okay then.

You'll get over it, to be honest. When you're done with somebody, you're better able to see everything that may have been wrong that you were overlooking, blinded.

And there's something better for you out there and such. Obviously, "love" carries more meaning for you than for her. Find someone with the equivalent amount. Also, best you get hurt early on while you're young and stupid than when you're old and stupid, when you don't have any time after you learn.

And if you have trouble opening up to people, pretend that you don't. That might sound fucking weird and hard to understand, but if you can feign being brave and nonchalant, well, that's as good as being brave and nonchalant.

You dig?
A lot of good advice in there
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  #13  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 10:23 PM       
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A lot of good advice in there
That means there's not.
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Pentegarn Pentegarn is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 06:52 AM       
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Originally Posted by Fathom Zero View Post
That means there's not.


But seriously, the bit about better being able to see what the relationship was really like post breakup was true, best get hurt when you're young was apt, and the 'pretend that you don't' advice can work if you know how to fake a good game

Last edited by Pentegarn : Mar 23rd, 2010 at 07:11 AM. Reason: I fucked up 'you're'
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Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 08:49 PM       
Sappy, old bean! How are things?
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Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 10:07 PM       
NO PAIN NO GAIN
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bigtimecow bigtimecow is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 10:43 PM       
when you're young (if you're young) everything feels like the end of the world. don't worry about it duuuuuuuuuuuuuude

it sucks, yes, but it WILL be okay. for serious. i would insert my favorite quote from adaptation but it might actually NOT help here





okay i'll do it anyways: "you are what you love, not what loves you. that's what i decided a long ago" (this could potentially make you hung on her forever, which, well, don't do )
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Bigtimecow you are like the Fonz of girls pussies.
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Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Mar 22nd, 2010, 11:14 PM       
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse....=manly_suicide
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Esuohlim Esuohlim is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 12:38 AM       
Hey Gus are you still drilling that Jewish chick
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Grislygus Grislygus is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 12:41 AM       
I'm not even in the same state anymore
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  #21  
Esuohlim Esuohlim is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 12:57 AM       
What's her number
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Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 01:01 AM       
The one that looks like Sams old GF? NFBuhdah
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  #23  
Esuohlim Esuohlim is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 07:12 PM       
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The one that looks like Sams old GF? NFBuhdah
I want her number too SAM
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Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 07:01 AM       
I'm a character. I don't need to fake it. :flex

But jah jah.
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10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old Mar 23rd, 2010, 08:58 AM       
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Originally Posted by LordSappington View Post
Girlfriend dumped me last night, basically because she was bored of me.
Her words, by the way.
I don't really know what to do now. I'm bordering between severe depression and uncontrollable rage.
You'll be okay.....if she starts calling you again don't give in right away either or at all. If she broke up with you don't go back out with her. Especially don't "Try to be friends" if you want to go back with her either.

IF SHE WANTS YOU TO TAKE THE SKINBOAT TO TUNA TOWN GO FOR IT THOUGH. THEN LEAVE AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
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