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MockBot MockBot is offline
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 11:00 AM        So You Got Laid Off
Automatically generated comment thread for So You Got Laid Off.

Last edited by Mockery : Aug 12th, 2008 at 01:39 PM.
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Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 11:54 AM       
I want to give you a hug, Max. You're fantastic.
Originally Posted by Jixby Phillips View Post
Oh god fathom zero, you are revealing yourself to be completely awful
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Miroslav208 Miroslav208 is offline
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 01:37 PM       
I always feel that I get the best advice from Max Burbank. Now I feel I can take on being terminated from my job with style.
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Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the tubal ligation!
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 03:06 PM       
You should just start being a motivational speaker Max. Travel the country, tell people how to live there lives because you know how to better than they do even though you know nothing about them.
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Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 03:20 PM       
When our division was "right-sized" out of existence, we had "transition counsellors" which is a fancy way of saying shrinks who gauge how likely we were to go to the roof with a high-powered rifle. I was in one "small group" meeting (no joke) where we were throwing around a "koosh" ball and asked about how we felt being laid-off. Yeah, that helped me find a new job. Your literary piece is about a billion times more helpful than that tripe.

The great thing about it is, though, they got paid for providing this service. I smell a career change in the future .....
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RadioNinja RadioNinja is offline
Dirty Birdy
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 03:26 PM       
Having gone through all of these steps recently, I applaud your honesty and candor sir! I was expecting a comedy piece but this seems as though you were following me, writing down my life, and leaving Werther's Original wrappers in flower pots as you strolled by! The one thing you forgot to mention is how much fun it is when you get to have TWO jobs to make the same income as the one that laid you off! It is certainly more fun than trying to fill all that "time off"! Keep up the good work!
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Icculus Icculus is offline
Retardedly Handsome
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 04:10 PM       
I'm glad that you wrote this, very informative. I'll have to email it to myself because there is a good chance I'm gonna get booted for ph*cking around on the internet all day and not paying enough attention to peoples expense reports.
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Terrible-D Terrible-D is offline
Smooth Operator
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 12:41 AM       
If only you had shared these bits of wisdom with us 3 years ago Max. It might have made being laid off at 22 a bit easier to handle(I forgot to copy and paste my name into the sample resume, resulting in some very unconvincing "Mrs. Doubtfire" moments).
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Jaimas Jaimas is offline
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 01:41 AM       
The sad part is that this is a joke article, it's 100% accurate as far as the bridge-burning is concerned. The bridges behind you aren't burnt by you, they're burnt by the dickheads you used to work for. The least you can do in return is set fire to the woods, building and surrounding environment.

I don't mean literally. I mean, if you're going out, and you know it, make it a show. If you can damage their business afterwards, so much the better.
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greenimp greenimp is offline
grants but one wish
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 02:51 AM       
"SPOILER ALERT, your unemployment check is going to be SMALLER than your paycheck was"
fantastic :D another masterpiece from max
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resident-adam resident-adam is offline
Imperial Stormtrooper
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 04:30 AM       
Pretty funny article. Keep up the good work, Max.
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Dungeonbrownies Dungeonbrownies is offline
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 04:06 PM       
Im still itching to know what it is you do/did.
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mburbank mburbank is offline
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 04:10 PM       
I worked in the exhibits department at a large metropolitan the Museum of Science.
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Protoclown Protoclown is offline
The Goddamned Batman
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 06:18 PM       
Now he collects and eats spiders
"It's like I'm livin' in a stinkin' poop rainbow." - Cordelia Burbank
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Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 11:58 PM       
What's really odd is that now Max makes more money collecting and eating spiders than he ever did at the Museum of Science.
Talent, vigor, drive...
You'll eat peanut butter the rest of your life.
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testtube testtube is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 02:26 AM       
The last job I was canned from I told the manager I was going to slit his fat guts open and I hoped his fatass died of a heart attack. That was being fired from a dangerous chemical factory, I hated that job so much I just started showing up late on purpose usually drunk. I couldn't get unemployment. Go play in a punk band and hang around train hoppers, they come in all ages and sizes, living with unemployment is actually pretty cool if you're not a complete square-ball.
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mburbank mburbank is offline
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 07:57 AM       
Tried it, my kids are still too short to hop into a moving box car.
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Jigby Huggletinks Jigby Huggletinks is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 11:14 AM       
That's why you throw them, my Lord.
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mburbank mburbank is offline
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 12:07 PM       
Hey, Jig's, am I the beneficiary on your life insurance policy yet?
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0dd1 0dd1 is offline
Who? Me?
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Old Aug 16th, 2008, 03:19 AM       
I'm gonna show this to my sister, who, ahem, has been stuck in the relaxation phase for years...
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Jigby Huggletinks Jigby Huggletinks is offline
High Priest of Burbank
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Old Aug 18th, 2008, 12:44 AM       
You are, my Lord.

By the way, I can't help but read your custom title every time as "The Movie Nerd Food Toxic".
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al_frank2000 al_frank2000 is offline
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Old Sep 24th, 2008, 01:38 AM       
Good lord, I've had 35 jobs in my life, and this sounds like the drill. Unfortunately I don't think some people are cut out for the workaday world. To crazy for work and too sane for disability.
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Desert_Screams Desert_Screams is offline
An Arizona Horror Company
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Old Jan 24th, 2009, 01:10 PM       
Ph*cking brilliant!

Going through the I-M archives to get my hands on all things Burbank. Awesome stuff. Take Mark Twain, Christopher Hitchens, Lewis Black's right eyeball, and the stomach lining of Ogden Nash, put them all in a blender, get really pissed off when you realize they won't fit in a blender, but then imagine really, really hard that they would....and you would have the essence of Max Burbank. Only, y'know, a whole lot less messy than all that stuff blended together would be.
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Graystreet Graystreet is offline
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Old Jan 25th, 2009, 11:21 AM       
Lewis Black's eyeball? That's kind of offensive, how about we take body parts from someone funny? Take Robert Klein's leg, that'll work.
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