Go Back   I-Mockery Forum > I-Mockery Site Forums > Article Discussion
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
MockBot MockBot is offline
I ARE ROBOT
MockBot's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: I-Mockery Headquarters, USA
MockBot has disabled reputation
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 02:52 AM        The Halloween Grab Bag: How To Really Survive A Horror Movie
Automatically generated comment thread for The Halloween Grab Bag: How To Really Survive A Horror Movie.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Julio Julio is offline
Member
Julio's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas
Julio is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 03:36 AM       
Hey Proto, I think that another good survival tip would be expect the bad guy (someone like Jason) to revive. That way you can save all the panting and victorious drama and better start running the hell away from the murder scene.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
executioneer executioneer is offline
OH GOD
executioneer's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2001
executioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contest
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 03:48 AM       
that's sort of similar to #18, though
Reply With Quote
  #4  
greenimp greenimp is offline
grants but one wish
greenimp's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
greenimp is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 04:12 AM       
heheh, nice one
Reply With Quote
  #5  
GreyWeirdo GreyWeirdo is offline
Forum Virgin
GreyWeirdo's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
GreyWeirdo is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 04:17 AM       
One point on being in the military. You have to be the only one who is in the military. If you're part of a troop, you'll all get wiped out.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Outcome Outcome is offline
Student of Cereal Lore
Outcome's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2008
Outcome is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 04:55 AM       
Thanks Proto, but now we all know what to expect. So now we'll be the overly cautious ones who know all the rules, and are thus guaranteed to be killed in such a way as to surprise the viewer as well as our selves.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Poxpower Poxpower is offline
Pickleman's Uncle
Poxpower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Canada
Poxpower is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 05:33 AM       
Haha that's awesome. I remember a similar article in a humor magazine here in Quebec, but that was 10 years ago and in french. Had the "never check if you really killed the monster" one.

Question: in the case that one thing you SHOULDN'T do and one thing you SHOULD do mix together, which one wins out?
Like, say I want to take a shower and I get my fat smelly friend to unleash a Taco Bell storm on the toilet while I clean up, what happens?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Nick Nick is offline
pickled
Nick's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bama
Nick is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 05:40 AM       
I spy an Army of Darkness quote.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Purple Man Purple Man is offline
Fanboy
Purple Man's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Anywhere but the Raft.
Purple Man is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 05:58 AM       
#18 is a rule for living.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Drunken_Lemur408 Drunken_Lemur408 is offline
Member
Drunken_Lemur408's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Drunken_Lemur408 is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 06:47 AM       
Rule #27 Never call the police expecting them to believe your ramblings of an indestructible Serial Killer,even if you are the wide eyed rookie on the force.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
the Platinum Poppy the Platinum Poppy is offline
Crazy dog woman
the Platinum Poppy's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
the Platinum Poppy is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 07:24 AM       
GreyWeirdo and Drunken Lemur, that was certainly needed additions. Do you think it's all covered now? Or anything more we need to know?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
dakotacruz dakotacruz is offline
Forum Virgin
dakotacruz's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
dakotacruz is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 08:14 AM       
To add to 18. Never check to see if something you just killed is really dead.
I always would yell at the dumbasses on the screen, if you knock something down/"kill" the monster, hit it until it's jelly! Go smashy smashy until there's nothing left to get up! This is the worst! They shoot the monster/killer, and then get right in it's face...why??

Keep shooting, until the click click click, then gun thump it until it's a fine paste!
Then, hell, place the goo in seperate bags/boxes and then drive like fuck to seperate that thing
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Julio Julio is offline
Member
Julio's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas
Julio is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 08:30 AM       
executioneer: Yeah, the tip I'm suggesting is somewhat related to rule #18, although maybe I forgot to mention that this applies more to those endless sequels in which the heroes should know the history of the bad guy well enough to to at least think about what's going to happen if they remain where they are instead of trying to get nowhere near it now it is temporarily (they always get up) disabled.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
McFly McFly is offline
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
McFly's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Muskegon, MI
McFly is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 08:39 AM       
If your friend is pulled away by flesh-eating zombies, do not try to save him/her. They are already good as dead. It is always the ones that go back in to save the others that get hit. You may be a heartless bastard for letting your best bud die, but at least you live to tell the tale. Unless you are the only surviving member left in your group, because somehow it gives you better odds.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
AllHallowSteve AllHallowSteve is offline
Forum Virgin
AllHallowSteve's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
AllHallowSteve is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 09:18 AM       
Ha. I think you nailed it.
This site: http://www.dodgethekills.com/ went up last year to promote a book called "How to Survive a Horror Movie." My favorite is "How to Defeat a Killer Doll" just kick the livin' crap out of it.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
wobzire wobzire is offline
¿
wobzire's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
wobzire is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 09:30 AM       
I can NOT beleave you forgot one of the most important rules. BE A GIRL IN A WHITE TANK TOP.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
the Platinum Poppy the Platinum Poppy is offline
Crazy dog woman
the Platinum Poppy's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
the Platinum Poppy is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 02:14 PM       
McFly, could also be that you think you managed to drag your friend to safety, but when you look at what you're actually holding on to it's not so much your entire friend as just a few bodyparts, while the rest was eaten. But even if one isn't killed in that scenario, it would be nice to avoid... I mean, yuck!

BTW, isn't there some old horror movie where the main character does smoke weed but lives? I think it might be in the very first Friday the 13th... or something equally old...
Reply With Quote
  #18  
MrWarranty MrWarranty is offline
Movie Enthusiast
MrWarranty's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
MrWarranty is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 02:15 PM       
This was an excellent list. I had fun reading it to my friends. I'll be sure to heed these warnings should I find myself in the darker side of the silver screen.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
King Credo King Credo is offline
Clobbersaurus
King Credo's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Greensburg (pretty much Pittsburgh)
King Credo is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 04:11 PM       
Loved the quote in #18. Glad that like half of the people here got that joke.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Gourry Gourry is offline
I like cheese.
Gourry's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Gourry is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 05:08 PM       
I disagree with #26 (watch your back) because you'll turn to look back, and as soon as you turn back forward, the monster is right there in your face. And I hope you better be wearing brown pants.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
The Visible Man The Visible Man is offline
Forum Virgin
The Visible Man's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
The Visible Man is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 06:08 PM       
This one fits pretty well with Gourry's, but...

The killer is always in your vicinity. This may seem like a no brainer (it IS chasing you, after all), but keep in mind that the killer could kill someone in Maine, but by the time you even TALK about it at home in LA... he will be outside your door waiting to kill you in some creative way, garunteed.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Jquick Jquick is offline
Tony Wonder
Jquick's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Jquick is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 08:00 PM       
Another one is always keep your clothes on during the movie. Boobs work opposite in a horror environment. Normally=Awesome, Horror=Dead.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Colonel Flagg has joined BAPE's armyColonel Flagg has joined BAPE's armyColonel Flagg has joined BAPE's armyColonel Flagg has joined BAPE's armyColonel Flagg has joined BAPE's armyColonel Flagg has joined BAPE's armyColonel Flagg has joined BAPE's armyColonel Flagg has joined BAPE's army
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 08:57 PM       
Right from the top:

"... the camera really doesn't want to show you in the middle of smashing one out."

Hysterical, and they just got better from there. Great work, Proto.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Chuggernaught Chuggernaught is offline
Former Virgin
Chuggernaught's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: AMERICA! F@CK YEAH!
Chuggernaught is probably a spambot
Old Sep 10th, 2008, 10:54 PM       
#22 is extremely sound advice. Also, that doll is freaking creepy!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Terrible-D Terrible-D is offline
Smooth Operator
Terrible-D's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Duluth, MN
Terrible-D is probably a spambot
Old Sep 11th, 2008, 01:25 AM       
Rule #1 just made me spit Mt. Dew out of my nose. Specifically the phrase "smashing one out".
And oddly enough, I use the "get an axe" line whenever I've been dumb enough to fall for someone calling out from the bathroom, "you gotta come see the size of this!"
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

   


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:08 AM.


© 2008 I-Mockery.com
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.