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Immortal Goat Immortal Goat is offline
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Old Mar 24th, 2006, 04:57 PM        Something new for all of you
Well, I figured it can't be any worse than KulturKampf's shitty-ass poem, so here we go:

Life As... (pt. 1)

If life is but an auction house,
Then personality’s for sale!
We’re all bought out for corporate use,
And conformity prevails.

Identity’s a product now,
And it’s bought in trendy stores.
We’re paying more, and getting less,
And our daughters dress like whores.


Our bodies have become billboards,
And we all dress like the rest.
Brands on the ass of low-cut pants
Or printed on a girl’s breast.

Highlight the parts that we should not!
Who cares if it degrades us?
With “Sexy” plastered on your ass
Perversion does pervade us.

Abercrombie or Hot Topic,
Or Old Navy or The Gap.
It doesn’t matter where you go,
‘Cuz It’s all the same old crap.

If life is but an auction house,
And personality’s for sale,
Then as a race, we’re truly lost,
And we are all doomed to fail.
-------------------------------------------------

Yeah, this is my first attempt at poetry outside of the classroom. I know I have (a lot of) room for improvement, but I would like to know what you guys do/don't like about my poem.

EDIT: I edited the title because people didn't seem to want to take notice of this.
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Girl Drink Drunk Girl Drink Drunk is offline
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:54 PM       
That's not bad. It certainly is less deranged and crazed than one of Kulture's
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  #3  
Lotida Lotida is offline
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 11:51 PM       
I actually found your poem to be quite good.
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Rez Rez is offline
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 06:15 AM       
well, to be nice, it's heart's in the right place
despite it being awfully po-faced
the themes are tired
ideas cliched and uninspired
but better than lotida's myspace.

as far as first efforts go, well, you're on a decent track. keep working, for years and years....
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Lotida Lotida is offline
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 09:45 AM       
Well, to be nice, you're still a piece of shit Rez. What the hell is wrong with my myspace?

Oh I know... I shouldn't use such language... After all, I'm a mother!
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Immortal Goat Immortal Goat is offline
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 12:11 PM       
Thanks for the comments. I kinda knew that the ideas were cliched going into this, and I know I gotta work on that. Thanks for the critiques.
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Rez Rez is offline
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 03:56 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lotida
What the hell is wrong with my myspace?
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Lotida Lotida is offline
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 04:49 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rez
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lotida
What the hell is wrong with my myspace?
I'll see your and raise you four
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  #9  
DeadKennedys DeadKennedys is offline
No sir, I don't like it
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Old Apr 9th, 2006, 01:02 PM        Re: Something new for all of you
Quote:
Originally Posted by Immortal Goat
If life is but an auction house,
lol Ironforge or Orgrimmar?
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