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Marc Summers Marc Summers is offline
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Old Dec 21st, 2005, 01:03 AM        Automatic Complaint Letter Generator
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For that pretentious whiny bitch in all of us :/


My complaint about Lord Hugo B. Grubbington, Esq.

I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that people who draw attention to Lord Hugo B. Grubbington, Esq.'s unscrupulous double standards are systematically labeled by Lord Grubbington's understrappers as "meddlesome shysters" or terms synonymous therewith. Instead of focusing on why Lord Grubbington's shock troops are brainwashed automatons programmed to spout line after line of pro-Lord Grubbington propaganda, I would like to remind people that I once managed to get Lord Grubbington to agree that he wants a central organization for his international world swindle, endowed with its own sovereign rights and removed from the intervention of other countries -- a haven for parasitic primates and a university for budding inconsiderate, biggety simpletons. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, he did a volte-face and denied that he had ever said that. I could go on for pages listing innumerable examples of his counter-productive plans for the future and asinine ultimata. I have already written enough, surely, to convince you that the acid test for Lord Grubbington's "kinder, gentler" new hastily mounted campaigns should be, "Do they still promote the lie of elitism?" If the answer is yes, then we can conclude that Lord Grubbington claims that no one is smart enough to see through his transparent lies. Well, I beg to differ.

In my speaking engagements, I have found in audience questions an alarming increase in concern about hypocritical, intrusive maniacs. Hard to believe? Then consider the following statement from one of Lord Grubbington's wretched grunts: "Space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us." Pretty tendentious, huh? Well, Lord Grubbington has commented that he acts in the public interest. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense. It's his belief that my letters demonstrate a desire to encourage licentious beguilers to see themselves as victims and, therefore, live by alibis rather than by honest effort. I can't understand how anyone could go from anything I ever wrote to such a muzzy-headed idea. In fact, my letters generally make the diametrically opposite claim, that Lord Grubbington hates you -- yes, you, because you, like me, want to follow knowledge like a sinking star beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

I don't want to overstate this point, but I am reminded of the quote, "He operates on the basis of an unremitting hatred of civility and decency." This comment is not as morally questionable as it seems because I don't see how Lord Grubbington can build a workable policy around wishful thinking draped over a morass of confusion (and also, as we'll see below, historical illiteracy), then impose it willy-nilly on a population by force. I'm not saying that it can't possibly be done but rather that Lord Grubbington's teachings promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for Lord Grubbington's helots because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to Lord Grubbington. Lord Grubbington is an antisocial tadpole swimming in a hotheaded pond. That's just a fancy way of saying that Lord Grubbington insists that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd. This is a rather strong notion from someone who knows so little about the subject. We no longer have the luxury of indulging in universalist, altruistic principles that, no matter how noble they may appear, have enabled power-hungry utopians to create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues. I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that since their emergence on the stage of history, immoral proponents of voyeurism have been a parasitic growth on the stem of true citizens. What I mean is that his caustic attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Lord Grubbington, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that his publications are based on hate. Hate, favoritism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. Ignorance is bliss. This may be why Lord Grubbington's spokesmen are generally all smiles. That's all I have time now to write. If you want to get more insight into Lord Hugo B. Grubbington, Esq.'s mentality, though, then study the details of his schemes. Try to see the big picture: It will really amaze you. It will take your breath away. And it will convince you that aberrant yahoos in general, and Lord Grubbington in particular, intend to make people weak and dependent.
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MetalMilitia MetalMilitia is offline
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Old Dec 21st, 2005, 10:59 AM       
"But first, let me just say that the humorless meatheads who work in Chojin's lie factories keep telling us that Chojin never engages in distasteful-to-the-core, indelicate, or directionless politics."
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Ivan Raged Ivan Raged is offline
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Old Dec 21st, 2005, 02:24 PM       
My complaint about Rabbi Bitchcakes McDoogle


Please forgive me, but I told you so. I predicted long ago that Rabbi Bitchcakes McDoogle would extend his 15 minutes of fame to 15 months. Now that he has, I'd like to express my thoughts on the matter. To get right down to it, if you don't think that as soon he takes us beyond the point of no return, the next thing we'll hear him say is, "Oops, made a mistake", then you've missed the whole point of this letter.

Yes, Bitchcakes's ratiocination skills are nothing to write home about, but here is the point that is worth considering: Of all of his exaggerations and incorrect comparisons, one in particular stands out: "Going through the motions of working is the same as working." I don't know where he came up with this, but his statement is dead wrong. Having said that, let me add that there isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that my bitterness at Bitchcakes is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Bitchcakes's from the get-go. The essential point, however, is the following: His cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good. That's it for this letter. I sincerely hope that typing it was not a complete waste of energy. Unfortunately, I do realize that my words will probably trigger no useful response in the flabby synapses of Rabbi Bitchcakes McDoogle's brain. I just felt obligated to go through the motions because his catch-phrases make many mainstream dorks nervous.
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