NEW LONGBOX: "MY COMIC BOOK HIT LIST!"

[Mockery]

Proto's latest Longbox installment takes a look at 12 different comic book characters that the world would never miss if they were erased from existence. And if you actually like any of these characters, Proto will have words with you... WORDS.


NEW LONGBOX: "MY COMIC BOOK HIT LIST!" -by Protoclown
http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox15

Enjoy!

[executioneer]

what, no howard the duck

[Zomboid]

Carnage, Apocalypse, and Mister Sinister all kick ass. Fuck you, proto!

[executioneer]

i kind of like lobo but then again i've only ever read the paramilitary christmas special so idk

[Protoclown]

Originally Posted by Zomboid

Carnage, Apocalypse, and Mister Sinister all kick ass. Fuck you, proto!

Then you'd best hope I never write for Marvel, that's all I'm sayin'.

[ArrowX]

if you've read the upcoming marvel titles you'll see that both MODOK (multiple even) are apparently showing up along with Dr.Doom having something to do with beaconing ALL of the symbiotes in the galaxy to earth for another "event" this fall or next summer

[ItalianStereotype]

wow, I agree with a whole three characters on that list. who do you actually like?

[darkvare]

batman has some really lame enemies, but the mad hater tops the list
also i would like aquaman to die many times and superman i hate that asshole

[Type40]

Okay, I agree with Proto on MANY of these characters...but I have to draw the line on THREE of them!

Sorry Proto, but your usual infalliable comics wisdom has finally fallen woefully short!

GORILLA GRODD


When written correctly (see Geoff Johns' run on Flash), Grodd is a MAJOR BADASS! Think about it; he's a moral-less super-intelligent telepath, and a gigantic bloodthirsty bull ape! He's the comic equivalent of chocolate and peanut butter baby! With hair!

Grodd has NO QUALMS about killing a 'puny human' with his bare teeth, and almost did numerous times to the Flash during this run! And if that's not enough, during his prison breakout he grabbed Flash's friend Hunter Zolomon, lifted him over his head and casually SNAPPED HIS SPINE...basically for 'esses and gees'! He's the one Rogue that makes the Flash afraid (CANON FACT!), and that's saying something. Read Johns' run on Flash, then decide...that is, if you've actually read them. You got his origins totally incorrect, so I wonder...

CAPTAIN COLD


Another cool (pardon the pun) villain, pick up THIS ISSUE to see why. It'll change your mind faster than athe sledgehammer of truth that is Colbert.



APOCALYPSE


Okay, so you were right on this character...BUT ONLY WHEN NOT WRITTEN AND DRAWN BY WALTER SIMONSON WHO IS LORD FOREVER AND EVER AMEN! And that is all I have to say about that.

Don't get me wrong, Proto, I do love your columns. However, you were SERIOUSLY off base on these three...okay, on the first two. Do yourself the favor of reading the entire Geoff Johns run of the Flash. It was a great run, fleshed out the characters, and was from Johns' 'MAGICAL TIME'. That mystical period before he was lured off to write the editor-laided dog turd that is 'Infinite Crisis'...you know, when he was a GOOD writer.

[Protoclown]

Well, I suppose we all have our own opinions, eh? I'm admittedly "playing up" my hatred of some of these characters for the sake of the column, but by and large in most of the instances I've seen them, they've been portrayed incredibly lamely. Soooo many people love Apocalypse and talk about how "badass" he is, but he's one of those guys who if you really think about for more than a few minutes just seems really quite stupid.

Admittedly, I've seen very little of Gorilla Grodd and Captain Cold in action, having never been a huge Flash fan, and I pulled a lot of my Grodd info off of Wikipedia. Geoff Johns is one of those guys who can make just about any character seem awesome though...and I wouldn't say he's lost his writing talent at all. I've immensely enjoyed his run on the new Justice Society of America, Action Comics, and I hear he's doing great things on Green Lantern though I only read the first issue of the relaunch.

Would I ACTUALLY want to kill any of these characters if I ever got a writing gig at DC or Marvel? Probably not. I'd be more inclined to simply ignore most of them, or perhaps try my hand at making some of them seem cooler/less ridiculous than they've been in the past.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on these characters though. Perhaps I will check out Johns's Flash run to see what I've been missing.

[Zomboid]

Is that so proto? I think that would be a wise idea.

[Type40]

Originally Posted by Zomboid

Is that so proto? I think that would be a wise idea.

Hey, STOP making FUN of the WAY I TALK!

[Type40]

Originally Posted by Protoclown

Well, I suppose we all have our own opinions, eh? I'm admittedly "playing up" my hatred of some of these characters for the sake of the column, but by and large in most of the instances I've seen them, they've been portrayed incredibly lamely. Soooo many people love Apocalypse and talk about how "badass" he is, but he's one of those guys who if you really think about for more than a few minutes just seems really quite stupid.

Admittedly, I've seen very little of Gorilla Grodd and Captain Cold in action, having never been a huge Flash fan, and I pulled a lot of my Grodd info off of Wikipedia. Geoff Johns is one of those guys who can make just about any character seem awesome though...and I wouldn't say he's lost his writing talent at all. I've immensely enjoyed his run on the new Justice Society of America, Action Comics, and I hear he's doing great things on Green Lantern though I only read the first issue of the relaunch.

Would I ACTUALLY want to kill any of these characters if I ever got a writing gig at DC or Marvel? Probably not. I'd be more inclined to simply ignore most of them, or perhaps try my hand at making some of them seem cooler/less ridiculous than they've been in the past.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on these characters though. Perhaps I will check out Johns's Flash run to see what I've been missing.

Heya Proto! Thanks for writing back.

Yeah, Apocalypse hasn't been used correctly since the Simonson run, and even then he was kinda lame (sorry Walter). The biggest issue I have is the fluctuating nature of his powers, the whole 'Cable Askani-Son' B.S. they foisted on the readers, and how he's become the 'Deus Ex Machina' of the mutant universe. Need a big bad? Need someone dead-and-or-resurrected? Call Apocalypse! Meh.

Geoff has always been GOOD at JSA, but his Flash run was when he was GREAT. Trust me, once you read his Flash run, you'll start wondering why he's been slacking on his other titles (IMHO, of course). Find the issues online or borrow them (can get kinda pricey if bought at once) they are worth reading.

[Obscurus Lupa]

...Does anyone but me notice that Gorilla Grodd isn't a lame character because he's written poorly, but because he's a super intelligent gorilla?

[darkvare]

gorillas are lame and now that i think of it flash is a pretty lame hero

[Type40]

Then again, if you're thinking about it that deeply you'll begin to realize that Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, Captain America, and all other archtypical heroes are lame as well.

Suspension of disbelief is a bitch sometimes.

[Fathom Zero]

The Quickster owns the Flash.

[Type40]

Okay, I'll give you that one. :D

[darkvare]

Originally Posted by Type40

Then again, if you're thinking about it that deeply you'll begin to realize that Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, Captain America, and all other archtypical heroes are lame as well.

Suspension of disbelief is a bitch sometimes.

i dont know what that means but, superman is lame cause he cant die but with only magic (edit: this means harry puter can beat the shit out of superman) and a lame created stone called kriptonite. Batman is not even a super hero he is more kinda like a buffed up sherlock holmes with a lot of money. spider man is cool cause he makes really lame one liners to all his foes. and captain america is dead so you can't talk shit about him