I was sitting in a cubicle of a toilet in a place I used to work in, and heard a man in the cubicle next to me say, in a strained voice 'OOOH YE BUGGER!'. And then a splosh.
that's classic. if i ever have a dire emergency and public crapping becomes a necessity, i'm totally going to say that.
one time i was at one of these 24 hr mcdonald's, and like at 3 a.m. this huge shaved-head serbian burst out of the bathroom, pointed at this guy in line, and yells "YOU. YOU DIDN'T FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET." the guy in line actually turns around and says "Me?" The serb screams, "YES YOU. YOU DIDN'T FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET." the guy in line says "I tried but it was broken." the serb replies "NEXT TIME, FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET, FUCKER." i just about choked on my fries. this guy cleaning the floors next to me dropped his mop and almost fell over laughing. probably the only reason why i like mcdonald's.
but seriously, how do you shit on the floor? is it really too hard to get to the toilet. like peeing is one thing, but most have better restraint over their bowels. maybe the disabled toilet was too high? i was in some shitty goth club once and someone had managed to shit on the wall. i still think it was nadia comenici.