Go Back   I-Mockery Forum > I-Mockery Discussion Forums > General Blabber
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #26  
RaNkeri RaNkeri is offline
Fucking Finland
RaNkeri's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: You already know :(
Old Nov 12th, 2009, 01:42 PM       
I bet it would be hilarious to work as a telemarketeer just to hear all the bullshit people come up with, not to mention all the frustration etc.

Too bad the paycheck sucks
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Esuohlim View Post
You're so fucking fat Rankeri seriously
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Evil Robot Evil Robot is offline
hAS RUG-BURN
Evil Robot's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Non-trendy NYC enclave
Old Nov 12th, 2009, 03:58 PM       
listen to them for a few minutes and then ask if they know anyone who can get blow.
__________________
"We're equally proud of our safety record. Not once in our nearly 50 years of operation has an animal pathogen escaped from the island."
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
teacup of sunshine
Kitsa's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: curator of the WTFbus museum
Old Nov 12th, 2009, 07:18 PM       
I thought I just read a newspaper article about someone who tried to play a prank on a telemarketer and ended up having the police called on them. I guess the person had a young-sounding voice and the telemarketer asked if their daddy was home. The person thought it'd be fun to act like they were a little kid home alone and hadn't seen a parent in days.

The telemarketer called child protective services, from what I remember.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
george george is offline
i will let you down
george's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MARYLAND
Old Nov 12th, 2009, 07:20 PM       
you should all join my campaign against the extenze pepole.

i used to call them everytime i saw a commercial and would keep them on the phone for as long as possible asking about a million questions, telling them how small my wiener is, i even had my daughter call once and tell them that her daddy was not big enough to satisfy her mommy and try to order some, AFTER telling them she was seven. they simply asked if she had a credit card.

then one night the chick on the other end threatend to call the FBI on me. so i called more and more often, until they would just hang up opn me

i fought the batttle on their terms.
__________________
tax collectors, fishermen and whores, baby.
i am super humble, and better than bacon
doctorboogie fanclub member #1
@jorgedomingo on twitter.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
teacup of sunshine
Kitsa's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: curator of the WTFbus museum
Old Nov 12th, 2009, 07:37 PM       
I had a couple of friends once who would keep pestering the live ebay help people. At least, I think it was ebay.

Anyway, there was some link that would open up a chat window and someone would be all, "Hi, I'm Dave! How can I help you today?"

I can't remember how long it took but one friend eventually established that the whole ebay help chat thing was manned by a relatively small group of people, presumably at cubicles in the same room. Sometimes you'd get Dave, sometimes you'd get John, sometimes Eva or Courtney. So he'd get Dave and ask some question, and then he'd say something like, "I don't like your answer. Let me talk to Eva."

It got to where he was egging these people on against each other and Courtney would tell you that Dave was cute but she liked John better. It was entertaining until they discontinued the feature, or at least changed it so he couldn't talk to the same group anymore.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Zhukov Zhukov is offline
Supa Soviet Missil Mastar
Zhukov's Avatar
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Tasmania
Old Nov 13th, 2009, 08:23 AM       
People only come door to door here if they are collecting money, and if it's for anything other than a church I usually give. I've never had a mormon or jehova's witness knock.

Phone calls usually come when I am sick off of work with a migraine, and I drag myself out of bed and answer because if it keeps ringing it must be important, right? "I'm sorry I have a migraine" and then hang up works... well, it's what I do and it's not a lie.

What gets me are people standing in the street collecting bank details for Greenpeace. It's always people with US or UK accents, since they hire backpackers, and anything other than white might not be well received. I can't help but stop and listen because I am too polite/weak to just keep walking. I signed up once and they took $20 out of my account per month for 24 months. I tell them at the end of their spiel that I haven't got a lot of money so I can't help them, sorry.

I have sold newspapers in the street before, and manned a left wing stall at a market. I produced very bad results since I didn't bother shouting out to people or do much else other than stare into middle distance.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Babs Babs is offline
filthiest soap dish
Babs's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: tri county area
Old Nov 17th, 2009, 06:53 PM       
I live in a subdivision with a Mormon church right in the middle of it. It's the most random thing I have ever seen in my existence. They just love going door to door talking about Joseph Smith and it's almost impossible to make them leave. All I have to do is being really persistent about one topic. Example, I won't stop talking about Huey Lewis and the News with them some days and the next talking to them about my "sores" on my asshole.
__________________
"That's how much fuck fish." -John Laroche

Last edited by Babs : Nov 17th, 2009 at 09:07 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Otto Otto is offline
*SMILE SMILE*
Otto's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MURDEROPOLIS
Old Nov 17th, 2009, 09:01 PM       
The last time I got a door to door solicitor I looked out through the mail slot and went "everything from the outside is FILTHYYYY!"
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Old Nov 17th, 2009, 10:14 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by george View Post
you should all join my campaign against the extenze pepole.

i used to call them everytime i saw a commercial and would keep them on the phone for as long as possible asking about a million questions, telling them how small my wiener is, i even had my daughter call once and tell them that her daddy was not big enough to satisfy her mommy and try to order some, AFTER telling them she was seven. they simply asked if she had a credit card.

then one night the chick on the other end threatend to call the FBI on me. so i called more and more often, until they would just hang up opn me

i fought the batttle on their terms.
Man, I wish I had your resolve.
__________________
The future is fun,
The future is fair.
You may already have won!
You may already be there.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Supafly345 Supafly345 is offline
Slim Goodbody
Supafly345's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: More like DIEwan
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 03:23 AM       
Invite them inside and remove all your clothes.
__________________
"Quote from some guy I think is funny."
-Some guy I think is funny
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Geggy Geggy is offline
say what now?
Geggy's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Peebody
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 07:30 AM       
I've had deaf jehovah's witnesses come to my mother's house while I was living with her. I've answered the door at all times because I was always curious what kind of fucked up shit they have to say for my own amusement. There were several occasions when my friend's grandmother who lives with him and his family, would come a knocking and preach about alcohol and weed. Because she knew that I smoked weed and drank booze with his grandson in his bedroom at their house all the time.

There was also this one time I was walking across campus to attend class at a college, I crossed path with a jehovah's witness whom I've never seen before in my entire life. He was carrying a bible in his hands and asked me if I was the person he was looking for. He knew my name and which apartment I lived in. Naturally, I freaked out and told him I didn't want have anything to do with their cult. They never bothered me again after that.
__________________
enjoy now, regret later
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Geggy Geggy is offline
say what now?
Geggy's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Peebody
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 07:36 AM       
If a telemarketer calls you at your house, ask them for their phone number and you would call them back. If they say they can't do that then hang up the phone.
__________________
enjoy now, regret later
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Nick Nick is offline
pickled
Nick's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bama
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 02:23 PM       
I never answer the door or the telephone if I don't know who it is.


Once when I was still a child a Jehovah witness came to our house. My mother snuck me out the back door to the car, and we left.
__________________
"RAAARGH! DOMO-KUN SMASH PUNY WEBSITE!"
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
teacup of sunshine
Kitsa's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: curator of the WTFbus museum
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 04:19 PM       
Years ago I worked at the same place where a very prominent mormon did, and weirdly enough he was the one who WASN'T attempting any conversions. However, some guy no one had met before decided to send all of us, the mormon's coworkers who were in "danger", copies of some fucked-up anti-mormon book and VHS tape.

I watched it, it was mainly a cartoon about how ridiculous Mormonism is. Matter of fact, he's got a whole series on all the religions that aren't his that are ridiculous. I've always been of a "who the hell gives a rat's ass if they're not hurting anyone" mindset, as were friends of mine who also got the weird little video bundle, and we found the whole thing hilarious.

It was sort of like that South Park mormonism episode, only not funny. And he said "celestial sex" a lot.

Reply With Quote
  #40  
Tadao Tadao is offline
☆☆☆☆☆
Tadao's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2002
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 04:26 PM       
Was it that youtube cartoon? Cause I've seen that one before. I wish I had some good stories to tell you guys. When I was a little kid I would go door to door with my mom as a JW. But nothing interesting happened. If people wanted to talk, we would, if they didn't we went on to the next house.
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
teacup of sunshine
Kitsa's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: curator of the WTFbus museum
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 04:33 PM       
I wasn't raised in an evangelistic household, so evangelism feels weird to me. I don't get it. Generally, though, I don't like door to door anything.

It looks familiar, so I'm assuming it's the same one that was in the video we got. I remember the "celestial sex" part and all the blond chicks who looked like she-ra.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 10:27 PM       
When I was in Grad School, I must have been walking around with a tattoo on my forehead saying "Religious nuts! Here's a live one!". I was accosted by no less than 6 groups of various religions during my first year while I was just hanging around the campus. These yahoos would just walk up to me, saying shit like "Jesus inspired me to come to you today" and "Chant with me - NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO". This in addition to the Jehovahs' Witnesses with their GOD DAMNED WATCHTOWER and the born-again Christians (didn't their moms do a good-enough job the first time?) - I felt like doing a Robert Stack impersonation from Airplane.

I hate proselytization.
__________________
The future is fun,
The future is fair.
You may already have won!
You may already be there.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 10:33 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitsa View Post
[...] it was mainly a cartoon about how ridiculous Mormonism is. Matter of fact, he's got a whole series on all the religions that aren't his that are ridiculous. I've always been of a "who the hell gives a rat's ass if they're not hurting anyone" mindset, as were friends of mine who also got the weird little video bundle, and we found the whole thing hilarious.

It was sort of like that South Park mormonism episode, only not funny. And he said "celestial sex" a lot.


Pre-apocalyptic question: if he had "celestial sex" with the "virgin mary" doesn't that make her a "celestial hobag"?

I'm going straight to Hell.
__________________
The future is fun,
The future is fair.
You may already have won!
You may already be there.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
teacup of sunshine
Kitsa's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: curator of the WTFbus museum
Old Nov 18th, 2009, 10:41 PM       
When I was a youngin' in school, a friend invited me to her church for an ice cream social. Stupidly, I thought I was just coming as a guest to some church function of hers...maybe hear a little bit about their brand of Christianity in the form of a pre-icecream prayer, or something.

When we arrived, the ice cream social had been laid out in this big church gym. I was grossed out because it was on long cafeteria tables and the ice cream "dishes" were nothing but a long expanse of plastic gutter. Seriously, plastic gutters, like troughs, stretching the length of the table. Women were scooping cheapie ice cream into it and here and there were bottles of syrup and canisters of sprinkles, and that was their ice cream social.

Anyway, we "guests" were immediately separated from our friends and taken off into a different room, where we were told to sit in row after row of metal folding chairs. I took a seat, wondering wtf was going on and just wanting to get out of there. Then their preacher came in and started on about how we were sinners and needed Jesus in our lives, blahblahblah. Keep in mind that this was a roomful of UNSUPERVISED CHILDREN without their parents or anything like that present. We were all immensely confused.

Then the preacher told us that we couldn't have any ice cream unless we accepted Jesus as our savior and were saved. As kids, we were aware by this point that this wasn't entirely kosher, some strange adult getting us away from our parents and trying to change our religion. But we didn't know what the hell to do because we just wanted out of there and most of us weren't going to be picked up for a few hours.

So the guy told us not to worry, that all we had to do was close our eyes. If we accepted Jesus and were saved, we should open our eyes and look at the preacher. Then we could go back in the gym with our friends and eat ice cream. I was at a loss. I didn't want the nasty plastic-gutter Aldi ice cream, but I didn't want to be stuck in a room forever with this guy, either. I decided to wait it out as long as possible, and closed my eyes.

Every once in a while you could hear a chair scrape as some kid gave up and accepted Jesus so they could get the hell out of that room. About every ten kids or so, we'd get a little reinforcement sermon about being sinners and going to hell and how we couldn't have any ice cream until we accepted Jesus as our savior.

Forty five minutes later, I was the last kid in the room and I knew for damn sure that I didn't want to be in there alone with that guy. I finally made a decision to fake him out. I opened my eyes and looked at him, which was no end of creepy-feeling, and he smiled and pronounced me good with God and fit to eat ice cream.

So I went into the other room and sat sullenly beside my friend while she shoveled ice cream into her mouth and asked where I'd been. Things were never the same between us after that.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Zhukov Zhukov is offline
Supa Soviet Missil Mastar
Zhukov's Avatar
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Tasmania
Old Nov 19th, 2009, 01:05 AM       
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Babs Babs is offline
filthiest soap dish
Babs's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: tri county area
Old Nov 19th, 2009, 04:34 AM       
This is very sick. I can't believe this man took you into a room with other small children and raped you with God in places where the sun don't shine. Very sickening.
__________________
"That's how much fuck fish." -John Laroche
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Old Nov 19th, 2009, 05:40 AM       
The same thing happened to me, twice, although I was quite a bit older. Frankly, the second time, I should have known better, but there was the possibility of sex involved.

And no. No I didn't.
__________________
The future is fun,
The future is fair.
You may already have won!
You may already be there.
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
Fathom Zero's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: cancer
Old Nov 19th, 2009, 06:18 AM       
When I was twelve, I was "saved" by a guy named Kendrick. He had to have been about forty, but he hung out and played tennis with teens all the time. I dunno.

Anyway, I went with my friend to his church because there was volleyball and I was a godless heathen and didn't care. At this point, I'd like to mention that I will never let my kid's friends take him or her to their church for any reason whatsoever. Nothing good ever came of it and you just left feeling hella awkward.

So I went with my friend because I mainly just wanted to hang out. I showed some other guys how to do hypnosis, but they left and I got left alone when my friend played volleyball. This cat Kendrick comes up and sits next to me. Not too close for me to be uncomfortable, though. That was coming up. He asks me if something was wrong. When I'm not doing something, I look sullen because that's just the way I am. I tell him that I'm just bored. He asks me why I didn't play volleyball. So I told him I thought it was boring. This elicited an "Ahhhhh, okay" from him.

After a few minutes of incredibly uncomfortable silence, he asks me if I got saved. I asked him, "From what?" He gave the typical adult chuckle of amusement at how dumb a kid is and asked if I had accepted Jesus.

Still not knowing what that meant, I reverted to the strategy I still use today; pretend like you know something and give short ambiguous answers. I told him that I hadn't yet. He asked me if I wanted him to help, or something like that. It doesn't matter how it came to be; the fact was that thirty seconds later, he was speaking mumbo-jumbo and rubbing my chest.

After a bit of that incredibly awkward shit, he told me to let out the word of God, to let Him speak through me.

I told him, "No thanks; I'll do it later."

He said alright, smiled, then tussled my fucking hair before returning to play volleyball.

Years later I learned that he was a complete homo. I shoulda known; pastel shorts kinda went out of style on middle-aged men.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
executioneer executioneer is offline
OH GOD
executioneer's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2001
Old Nov 19th, 2009, 02:14 PM       
creeeeepy
__________________
[COLOR=purple][COLOR=Magenta]SHAME ON A [COLOR=Pink]NIGGA WHO TRY TO RUN [/COLOR][URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVGI6mhfJyA"]GAME[/URL] ON A NIGGA[/COLOR]
[/COLOR]
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Dimnos's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baseball Town, TX
Old Nov 19th, 2009, 03:03 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fathom Zero View Post
It doesn't matter how it came to be; the fact was that thirty seconds later, he was speaking mumbo-jumbo and rubbing my chest.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Esuohlim View Post
Exactly. Life's too short to not be ejaculating as often as possible
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

   


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:05 AM.


© 2008 I-Mockery.com
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.