Features

Chojin · #1

So. So, like. Okay.

Today:

- My keyboard shortcut buttons don't work (my documents, etc)
- My download speed for the internet is 3 KB average
- My upload speed for the internet is 31 KB average
- My .mp4 files won't open
- A bunch of pictures OJB had suddenly turned into 0 byte files
- My password on NCSoft's website magically changed into a string of gibberish, including non-unicode characters and ^ symbols
- Everything is going slow
- My virus scanner found 12 viruses of type java/byteverify, then tells me proudly at the end of the scan that it didn't do anything about it

The internet problem is the one I noticed first, so I call Comcast. Now, I fucking hate all tech support reps because they treat you like you're retarded. I realize this is because 90% of the callers are indeed retarded, but maybe they could have like a little quiz or physical challenge while you're on hold to qualify for the ability to talk to someone who doesn't read from the Windows XP Help & Support Center.

Whenever I call them two things happen. First, I have to repeat my name, phone number, address, and verification that we have an account, even though I dialed all that shit in just to clear checkpoint #52 in my quest to talk to somebody. Like I just fucking call up random tech support centers all the time and ask for help.

"Hello, this is Comcast tech support, I'm Murray, how can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm taking this online test and I can't figure out how to make my result 'Frodo Baggins.' I keep getting 'Smeagol.' Can you help me?"

"Well, uh, have you tried power-cycling the modem?"

"When I was asked 'When I'm with friends, I'm...', I responded with 'reserved and quiet,' but that doesn't seem to be working."

"Do you have a router?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's the fucking problem right there."

That would be the second thing that happens. Seriously, I have to lie to these shitheads about my router like I'm hiding Anne Frank from the secret service because otherwise it is their Get Out Of Jail Free card from providing any help whatsoever. I fucking bet their supervisors tape a note to their screens that says:

Does your customer have a router?

NO - Ask them again if they have a router, or if they know what one looks like.
YES - Hang up.

Not that DSL was any better, but at LEAST then my modem and router was the same device and purchased from them, so they couldn't blame it on me.

So in short, my computer is going slow as ass, I probably have 96 breeds of virus, and Comcast reps are fucking retarded.

Case closed.

* Oh, I should mention that we have at least 5 computers on our network, some of which are wired to the network, some wirelessly connected. All are slow. And this all started happening after a several-hour outage of Cable internet yesterday.

Schimid · #2

It wasn't me.

AChimp · #3

Some viruses can fuck your anti-virus software.

Wiffle Bat · #4

That same problem has happened to me, I just did a system restore to a previous year, and it vanished. Unfortunately, most of my games stopped working too ;____;

CheapAlert · #5

yeah, system restore is retarded enough to restore outside of the system on XP. Even Windows ME has a better sys restore.

Slinky Ferret · #6

Sounds like you urgently need another virus scanner, such as one that actually gets rid of them!

Turn off the modem. Reboot all machines into safe mode and virus scan, plus run hijack this to see if there's anything weird going on.

When thats sorted or as much as you can, reboot the modem.

I often wonder how companies cope when they get viruses.

I'm sure you know this choj please don't take offence. I know how stressful it can be.

ziggytrix · #7

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slinky Ferret

I often wonder how companies cope when they get viruses.

That depends on the company. Most places run things tight enough that no more than a few machines are infected at any time, I should hope. When a system is compromised, it should be taken off the network and, presuming the company has the resources, reimaged after recovering any uncorrupted data.

mozz · #8

Java viruses are easy to remove.
C

Documents and Settings\(your user name)\Application Data\Sun\Java
Delete that.
Try to not use java. Also clear all Temporary Internet Files and Temp, maybe cookies.

Womti · #9

you're a computer geek?? dear lord, this must be a sign of the apocalypse. or maybe just proof that you have more time on your hands than I tought!

Marc Summers · #10

Java is probably one of the WORST languages to write a virus in...

AChimp · #11

I don't even think it's possible to write a good virus in Java... :/

mozz · #12

Yes, but alot of websites like to give you them.

MetalMilitia · #13

I believe a few mobile phone viruses have been written in java. Whether they are good or not I have no idea.

mozz · #14

Bluetooth enjoys transmitting mobile viruses....Why would somebody want to put a virus on a mobile.

MetalMilitia · #15

Well im sure no one wants to put a virus on their mobile phone but that does not stop people making them.

mozz · #16

Why would you make a mobile phone virus and not put it on a phone?
I understand what you tried to said, but you used wrong wording.

MetalMilitia · #17

???

I said people write mobile phone viruses in java, whats wrong with that? they do.

mozz · #18

Quote:

Originally Posted by mozz

Bluetooth enjoys transmitting mobile viruses....Why would somebody want to put a virus on a mobile.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetalMilitia

Well im sure no one wants to put a virus on their mobile phone but that does not stop people making them.

I meant why would the person who created the virus do it in the first place. What wopuld the virus do? And why?

MetalMilitia · #19

Why does anyone write a virus? Some do it because they can, others for a specific purpose, for example the virus which made all the infected PCs DoS attack SCO on a specific date.

Some of the most famous viruses of all time where written just because the writer had a really great idea which he wanted to test out, then the virus escaped.

Also I think a fair few people do it for Internet notoriety and 'fame', if a group creates a good zero day virus which eploits a security hole they get alot of respect from the community.

Either way all the people who do it are fucking cunts.

A guy I know got a virus over bluetooth which just constantly filled up his phones memory rendering it useless.

mozz · #20

Yes, as you say. They can be used to forfil a task. Denial of service, or trojans that can find out data such as bank documents. But why would they put one on a phone. Except for reputation and just general annoyance.