Dec 14th, 2005, 04:25 PM
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
So. So, like. Okay.
- My keyboard shortcut buttons don't work (my documents, etc)
- My download speed for the internet is 3 KB average
- My upload speed for the internet is 31 KB average
- My .mp4 files won't open
- A bunch of pictures OJB had suddenly turned into 0 byte files
- My password on NCSoft's website magically changed into a string of gibberish, including non-unicode characters and ^ symbols
- Everything is going slow
- My virus scanner found 12 viruses of type java/byteverify, then tells me proudly at the end of the scan that it didn't do anything about it
The internet problem is the one I noticed first, so I call Comcast. Now, I fucking hate all tech support reps because they treat you like you're retarded. I realize this is because 90% of the callers are indeed retarded, but maybe they could have like a little quiz or physical challenge while you're on hold to qualify for the ability to talk to someone who doesn't read from the Windows XP Help & Support Center.
Whenever I call them two things happen. First, I have to repeat my name, phone number, address, and verification that we have an account, even though I dialed all that shit in just to clear checkpoint #52 in my quest to talk to somebody. Like I just fucking call up random tech support centers all the time and ask for help.
"Hello, this is Comcast tech support, I'm Murray, how can I help you?"
"Yes, I'm taking this online test and I can't figure out how to make my result 'Frodo Baggins.' I keep getting 'Smeagol.' Can you help me?"
"Well, uh, have you tried power-cycling the modem?"
"When I was asked 'When I'm with friends, I'm...', I responded with 'reserved and quiet,' but that doesn't seem to be working."
"Do you have a router?"
"Well, that's the fucking problem right there."
That would be the second thing that happens. Seriously, I have to lie to these shitheads about my router like I'm hiding Anne Frank from the secret service because otherwise it is their Get Out Of Jail Free card from providing any help whatsoever. I fucking bet their supervisors tape a note to their screens that says:
Does your customer have a router?
NO - Ask them again if they have a router, or if they know what one looks like.
YES - Hang up.
Not that DSL was any better, but at LEAST then my modem and router was the same device and purchased from them, so they couldn't blame it on me.
So in short, my computer is going slow as ass, I probably have 96 breeds of virus, and Comcast reps are fucking retarded.
* Oh, I should mention that we have at least 5 computers on our network, some of which are wired to the network, some wirelessly connected. All are slow. And this all started happening after a several-hour outage of Cable internet yesterday.