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  #1  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 12:51 PM        The Grudge 3- oh sweet jesus no
This flaming bag of dogshit arrived in my email today.



When they were making the regrettable crapfest called "The Grudge 2", the director admitted that he was out of ideas and just pulling stuff out of his ass. (All of these shit analogies are very much on purpose, by the way, including the "anal" in "analogies"). I like Takako Fuji a lot and she scared the hell out of me in the v-cinema versions, particularly Ju-On 2.

So with great patience I sat through every. fucking. incarnation of this movie, waiting for the day they accidentally stumbled upon a similar magical formula. But it didn't happen. It had too many versions in Japanese cinema, and I saw the whole franchise going down like the Titanic when they did the Grudge remake. I disliked The Grudge, did not find it in the least frightening even when I was the only person watching it at night in an abandoned theater.

I did buy the DVD, out of the Walmart $5 bin, for the Takako Fuji commentary. I will admit that. When The Grudge 2 came out, I was in disbelief that they'd gotten a few more drops out of the teat. I rented it, shook my head, and put the Netflix envelope back in the mail.

The Grudge 3? What the fuck? This whole thing is so completely tired and done that the project should have been aborted about 5 movies ago. Surely this isn't still bringing in money?

Not counting the short that spawned this whole mess, The Grudge 3 makes the SEVENTH film in this series.

We have:

Ju-On- v-cinema 1
Ju-On- v-cinema 2
Ju-On: The Grudge 1
Ju-On: The Grudge 2
The Grudge (American Remake)
The Grudge 2 (bad, so bad)
The Grudge 3

And you know what? THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. IT'S ALL THE SAME DAMN MOVIE, and you're hearing this from someone who is very inclined to be generous with it. I can spare you hours of watching and summarize every movie in a few simple sentences.

- Random idiot outsider stumbles upon either a cursed house or a cursed person. The plot stopped making the slightest bit of sense a few movies ago.

- Cue appearances of creepy blue or white croaking woman, creepy crouching naked kid who meows from time to time, and copious amounts of black hair.

- Sooner or later, someone crawls down a staircase in jerky stop-motion*

-The whole story of the curse is ponderously rehashed in a series of flashbacks that take anywhere from 20-50% of the movie's run-time.

So, no thank you, Sony, but I think I'll skip catching The Grudge 3 on DVD. I think I'll even skip those TERRIFYING clips, thanks. I have a feeling I already know what's in them.

If anyone feels up to it, watch for croaking chicks, crouching/meowing naked kids, frightened white girls (possibly with phones or in showers) and random gobs of black hair. Get back to me and let me know if I was right.

Stop. Now. Please.


* Takako Fuji claims that it's all her own contortion work coming down the staircase. I'll give her that she's surely an expert at it by now. But I believe either stop-motion or sped up film is involved until I'm proven otherwise.

Last edited by Kitsa : May 11th, 2009 at 01:46 PM.
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Antithusiasm Antithusiasm is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 01:12 PM       
You beat me to making fun of the TERRIFYING clips. That was the first, most ridiculous think I noticed about that email : (
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 01:18 PM       
The link to sheer TERROR

Edit...Ok, I caved and watched it. See? See? They couldn't even do a TRAILER that wasn't 2/3 flashback. And the tagline....

IT.....

WON'T....

STOP!

Truer words were never fucking spoken.
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10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 01:30 PM       
I saw a commercial for this on TV a few days ago. There goes the neighborhood. Should be called the Drudge by now. I'd even rather watch:

The Grudge Vs. Judge Dredd
The Grudge Vs. Judge Dredd 2: Dredd Grudge.
Emmet Otter and the Grudge band jamboree.
Grudge goes Hawaiian.
Gasp. A Hillary Swank movie. I have a grudge with her getting acting jobs.
R. Kelly trapped in the closet with a grudge. <-----I would really really watch this one.
Reference guy with a grudge cutaway.
Weekend at Grudge's II.

We should start a fundraiser for these movies instead.
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 01:49 PM       
I'd like to see the ghostbusters go into the Saeki cursed house and suck Kayako and Toshio into those little trapper-box things.
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Old May 11th, 2009, 01:53 PM       
Ernest has a Grudge.

RIP Jim Varney.
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10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 03:17 PM       
Know what I mean
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 03:38 PM       
crooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkk
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Sam Sam is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 03:53 PM       
I bet you cave and watch the movie.
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 11th, 2009, 03:58 PM       
Dunno, Takako Fuji's not in this one and she's pretty much the only reason I watched the first 6.

More likely I'll wait until someone on Snowblood Apple caves and watches it and posts a review.
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darkvare darkvare is offline
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Old May 12th, 2009, 01:32 AM       
this made me think of straight to video sequels i went to blockbuster and found a sequel to without a paddle this one http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1276107/
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Antithusiasm Antithusiasm is offline
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Old May 12th, 2009, 01:45 AM       
Hey! Hey guys! Do you see what they did on the cover there? They made NUTTIER in big bold letters, and there's a squirrel holding two acorns where it's balls would be! This move looks EVEN FUNNIER than the Love Guru!
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brokensaint82 brokensaint82 is offline
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Old May 12th, 2009, 01:59 PM       
blech....i saw the previews and laughd....then cried because if this is what passes for a horror these days then we are all fucked. Thank goodness for Saw..........ok wait bad example......ok thank goodness for High School Musical THAT is true horror right there folks
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bigtimecow bigtimecow is offline
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Old May 13th, 2009, 09:20 AM       
this girl could suck a good cack
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 13th, 2009, 11:15 AM       
Yeah, you'd get your cack sucked and then a couple of days later you'd look under the table to find a weird little crouching kid who meowed at you. Soon clots of black hair would start coming out of the water faucet and possibly your cack itself.

And god help you if there's a staircase in your house.

Actually, the two shorts from the movie Gakko no Kaidan G (School Ghost Story G, the one that started this all) are fairly freaky, the first more than the second.





Not used to your vengeful longhaired female ghosts massacring rabbits?

The JAPANESE versions of the later movies had isolated creepy parts. There was one scene with a TV that fucked me up good for a while. And the ubiquitous stairwell scenes were done best there. The American Grudge thing was just silly. As the review at Snowblood Apple said, Sarah Michelle Gellar is either wooden or OUT OF HER FREAKING MIND, no in-between.
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J. Tithonus Pednaud J. Tithonus Pednaud is offline
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Old May 13th, 2009, 02:58 PM       
More of a Ringu fan myself.
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 13th, 2009, 04:29 PM       
The original Ringu was ok. The Korean version was ok too.
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 14th, 2009, 10:06 PM       
Ok, Sam. You win. The video place was on the way home from where I get my hair cut and it was $2.

As I just told the boyfriend, someone could have taken heavy laxatives and shit in the direction of a piece of paper and done better than that.

Details forthcoming. I need to reinstall VLC.
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Sam Sam is offline
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Old May 15th, 2009, 09:51 PM       
HA
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 15th, 2009, 10:23 PM       
It was bad. It was really, really bad.

Spoilers!

Last edited by Kitsa : May 16th, 2009 at 07:45 AM. Reason: i misspelled something
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Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old May 15th, 2009, 10:25 PM       
Lieutenant Tits
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Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old May 16th, 2009, 07:07 PM       
Thought you'd like that.
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