Lies

[Kitsa]

When I was in first grade, our reading table broke and the teacher had the janitor haul it away, then she joked that we couldn't read that day.

Except I took her seriously and flipped the fuck out because in my little-kid head, reading was the only reason I put up with school in the first place.

So I waited for her to be distracted, and I sneaked out of class and acted like she'd sent me on an errand. I went to the office and told the secretary my teacher made a mistake and we need the table back, please. Then I sneaked back into class, and she didn't even notice I was gone (we had one of those "open schools" with no classroom walls).

Soon the janitor came back with the table and told her that he didn't understand why she wanted it back when he hadn't even had a chance to fix it yet. It took her a while to put it all together (probably the secretary told her I'd shown up), but she eventually did. That was the only time I ever got in trouble for lying in school. I think I didn't get my usual orange popsicle at recess or something.

Even my childish lies were dorky

Edited to add: here's me (the one looking bored), the teacher and the reading table in question.

[Tadao]

My inner pigtail puller is about to explode!

[Kitsa]

You'd probably have killed me trying that

At the time my long hair was functional, to cover neck scars.

[Pentegarn]

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero

That's the Daily Mail. The Daily Mail.

It's like Sun Magazine.

Well 20th Century Fox did the survey, so it's all good

[Chojin]

what disability do you even have, kitsa? it sounds like you're playing life on nightmare mode

[Tadao]

She has anything can kill you disease.

It's like she and I are in the movie unbreakable.

[Kitsa]

I like your use of the word "even".

I was born with spinal cord cancer. It was misdiagnosed for a long time and I was paralyzed at 3. They restructured my spine around the bulging spinal cord to try and free up room, then they gave me radiation for the cancer.

The radiation shrunk the cancer to the lump that it's remained for the past 30 years, but it kicked my ass elsewhere. It destroyed the re-made vertebrae in my neck, which broke and, because the bone is chalky and radiation-damaged, can't be shored up with screws and bolts the way a normal person's might be able to.
I have a lot of other radiation damage, including some muscle that's cooked and stringy, and I'm usually on MS drugs to keep from having neverending charlie-horse type spasms.

The damaged bone never grew, so I have a neck the size of a toddler's. It's tiny and skinny and looks a little weird, moreso the older I get. From time to time they hack bone out of my hip and tuck it into gaps here and there to try and keep me going for a couple more years.

I wish all that was a lie

[Tadao]

SEE! I grow bone and she can't. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

[Kitsa]

a compromise of our two conditions would be perfect

Oh, and since this is the lie thread, I should make mention of the supervisor I once had who accused me of making up the whole thing. When I revisit the incident in my mind, I throttled her...but really I just sat there and cried like a fucking pansy. There are assholes who always think I look "normal" when I'm not in a neck brace at the time.

[Fathom Zero]

Yeah, well I stubbed my toe today. I may have even broken it.

You guys are used to having a shitty time, I'm not. My life's usually pretty fucking fantastic.

[Kitsa]

It's not so bad having a shitty life. When something good happens to us, we think we've won the damn lottery.

Toe-stubs hurt

[Fathom Zero]

I actually stub my toes as much as my mother does and her little toes are so broken so often that they're like mush and aren't really in just two pieces attached at a joint anymore.

And I'm losing my hearing.

And I'll have arthritis. And alcoholism, if I let myself. And my bullshit little syndrome which is actually more serious than I care to acknowledge.

[Tadao]

I hired a guy who I didn't know was a habitual lier (sp?) a few years ago. He didn't start in until he was comfortable in his job, then the crazy gossip lies started getting around. The thing is, he was good at it. Totally animated, good looking, charming, etc. Last I heard I visited him and he cured me of my coke problems and I became born again. By that time he was already a manager at a new location we opened. But my crew and half of his crew were yukking it up over that one. Everyone knew I was still coked out and making dead pope jokes. I could go on and on about this guy alone, but I actually forgot all about him till just now cause I could care less about these people.

For the last 15+ years I have been on a quest to be as truthful as I can. I still lie to get out of things as a defensive reflex, but it really bugs me when it happens. As a whole I'm a pretty dam honest guy. Which I should kill myself for the sake of you guys cause being honest doesn't mean you are worth a dam.

[Tadao]

Originally Posted by Kitsa

It's not so bad having a shitty life. When something good happens to us, we think we've won the damn lottery.

Toe-stubs hurt

Aint that the truth, but then we look over our shoulder cause it's gonna get bad right afterwards

[Fathom Zero]

I lie with stories I tell, because everyone does and that's why people tell stories.

In just life, though, I usually own up to everything if shit hits the fan. It really does feel better to me, knowing that I have nothing to prove and my conscience is clean.

And you're amusing, if nothing else, Tadao. Not that that's a reason for you not to kill yourself. I'd have killed myself years ago if that was the only reason I had.

[Kitsa]

I got so pissed at people thinking that I was always lying about stuff (and I got it in school constantly, from the health thing to travel stuff and everything in between), and people going to my mother and asking her if I was lying when I invited them over (as in going right up to her first thing and saying, "Mrs. Kitsa, did Kitsa really _____?"), that I pretty made it my policy to be as honest as possible and to hell with anyone who thought otherwise.

I've also had to deal with compulsive liars very close to me and inaccuracy in general tends to piss me off, so I go the other way when I can. I don't even like fictional books.

I'm sure I do lie sometimes, probably without even thinking about it. Probably usually to spare feelings because I hate conflict, but who knows.

[Tadao]

I try to exaggerate while letting everyone know what is a lie and what is true. Only people who have been around me for a while don't get instantly ill.

[Chojin]

I sometimes lie to teachers to cover for myself after I do something retarded in college, but that's about it. Honesty killed my last relationship, so I may have to have a policy review in the near future.

[Tadao]

Oh man Chojin, when it comes to relationships, you can't have a policy.

[Chojin]

Originally Posted by Tadao

Oh man Chojin, when it comes to relationships, you can't have a policy.

If the sole goal is to remain in a relationship for its own sake, then sure. People outgrow one another - sometimes literally.

[Tadao]

My success rate is awesome. This is the lie thread though. ;_;

[Zomboid]

Who is this "ex" that you've been referring to? That one that posted here?

[MLE]

Yeah, that'd be me.

[Schimid]

i lie to cover my ass in situations where my ass doesn't necessarily need to be covered, so i assume that the people i speak to wonder why i sometimes make excuses that aren't needed.

anyway, the answer is, i am a coward. i can say that, but i couldn't as i was lying.

[Tadao]

Originally Posted by MLE

Yeah, that'd be me.

That's a close one! I thought he was talking about me. ;_;