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thebard · #1

When I just a little baby boy,
my momma used to tell me these crazy things
She used to tell me my daddy was the righteous one,
she used to tell me Jews hated me
But then I got a little bit older
and I realized Judas the crazy one
But there was nothin I could do or say to try to change him
cause that's just the way he was
They said I can't rap about bein chosen no more
They ain't say I can't rap about robes no more
(AHHH!) Slut, you think Mary be a whore
cuz people don’t throw stones no more?!
(AHHH!) These roman fuckers are thinkin I'm playin
Thinkin I'm sayin the shit cause I'm thinkin it just to be sayin it
(AHHH!) Put your hands down cripple, I ain't gon' loot you
I'ma cure your back and get religion through you
(AHHH!) Shut up Jew, you're causin too much chaos
Just bend over and take it like a cripple, okay Ma?
"Oh, now he's saving his own mother, what a chore,
spreadin love, and we gave him the bible cover?"
Born in a ditch, and now it's too late
I'm triple platinum and tragedies happen for all your mates
I invented love, you vile venomous volatile bitches
vain Vatican, vrinnn Vrinnn, VRINNN! {*BIBLE revs up*}
Wooden cross, left his sin all
danglin from his neck, while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, monks, cuts
Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts
Chorus: JESUS
SIN I'ma save you! You don't wanna fuck with me
Buddists neither - you ain't nuttin but a sinner to me
Satan I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to belief
We ain't gon' never stop beefin I don't squash belief
You better kill me! I'ma be another prophet dead
for poppin off at the mouth with shit I shouldn'ta said
But when they kill me - I'm bringin the world with me
Romans too! You ain't nuttin but a demons to me
.. I said you don't, wanna ruck with Jesus (cause why?)
Cause Jesus, will fuckin save you (ah-haha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Jesus (why?)
Cause Jesus, will fuckin save you..
[Jesus]
Evil I'ma kill you! Like a murder weapon, I'ma reveal you
in a closet with mildew, sheets, pillows and film you
Buck with me, I been through hell, shut the hell up!
I'm tryin to develop these pictures of the Devil to convert 'em
I ain't "acid rap," but I rap on massive
Got a new blown bible and just had a bookmark added
WHOOPS! Is that a subliminal hint? NO!
Just criminal intent to sodomize gays again
Jesus offend? NO! Jesus insult
And if you ever give in to him, you give him an impulse
to do it again, THEN, if he does it again
you'll probably end up jumpin out of somethin up on the 10th
(Ahhhhhhhh!) Satan I'ma kill you, I ain't done this ain't the chorus
I ain't even dragged you in the woods yet to prey in the forest
A bloodstain is orange after you wash it three or four times
in a tub but that's normal ain't it Pilot?
Serial preacher hidin sinning material
in a cereal box on top of your stereo
Here we go again, we're out of our medicine
out of our minds, and we want in yours, let us in
Chorus (first line starts "Or I'ma save you!")
[Jesus]
Eh-heh, know why I say these things?
Cause lady's screams keep creepin in Jesus’s dreams
And the way things seem, I shouldn't have to pay these greeks
this eighty G's a week to say the same things TWEECE!
TWICE? Whatever, I hate these things
Fuck sin I hope the wine outweigh these drinks
Satanfuckers want me to come on their radio shows
just to argue with 'em cause their ratings stink?
FUCK THAT! I'll save radio announcer to bouncer
from fat bitch to off seventy-thousand pounds of her
from principal to the student body and counselor
from in-school to before school to out of school
I don't even believe in breathin I'm leavin air in your lungs
just to hear you keep preaying for me to save you!
OKAY, I'M READY TO GO PLAY
I GOT THE HOLY WATER AND PRAYERS TO SAY.
I'M READY TO MAKE EVERYONE'S THROATS ACHE
You faggots keep eggin me on
til I have you at Bible point, then you beg me to stop?
SHUT UP! Give me your hands and bleet
I said SHUT UP when I'm preaching to you
YOU HEAR ME? ANSWER ME!
Chorus (first line starts "Or I'ma save you!"
ninth line starts "Sinners I'ma save you!")
[Jesus]
Hahaha, I'm just playin sinners
You know I love you

I wrote this when i was bored at work one day and i was wondering if any one else had anyother relgious spoof to share with others, links etc.

Nothing too gross thou, cheers!

Misdemonar · #2

Go away.

thebard · #3

Go away?

Um no?!

Misdemonar · #4

Juttin · #5

Misdemonar, stop posting things that people tell you on the street.

THIS IS THE INTERNET FORUM...Use Mock Wars to taunt Society.

thebard · #6

Misdemonar, i'm sure that it is past your bed time, now be a good child, run along and don't make a fuss for your mummy now, then she might take you for ice cream tomorow!

If all else fails take some ritalin.