Baby shit.

[Shut Up]

Once while working a summer job at a kid's arcade this little toddler had an attack of diarrehea over by the ski-toss area. He was wearing shorts and the syrupy shit ran all down his leg onto the floor.

The boss wanted me and one of my co-wokers to clean it up. So we busted out the cleaner, mop and vaccum and were about to do as told when my friend suddenly remembers this kid that nobody liked left his backpack in the backroom. So we took it and crammed about eight pounds worth of discolored baby diarrehea in it. All over his clothes. His CD's. Everything. It smelled like a skunk had crawled inside his backpack and shit and puked all over itself before dying.

So the kid comes back later, takes his backpack without suspecting anything, and walks down the entire boardwalk while totting around a nice load of babyshit behind him. We laughed for the rest of the day, and laughed even harder when he relayed the story back to me the next morning.

I don't know why I told you this story. I don't like any of you and would not hesistate to put babyshit in your backpacks or mouths if I got the chance. Little fucks.

[Cybernetico]

Genious

[James]

WOW EIGHT POUNDS! THAT IS COMPLETELY BELIEVEABLE!

[Shut Up]

Either your sarcasm is genuine or just an ultra-funny comment which, as turns out later to be, not funny at all, but the eight-pounds of baby shit was an exaggeration. It was more like two or three pounds of baby shit. I mean, this kid's colon fucking exploded and the goop just ran down his leg like an endless fountain of intestinal gunk.

So, to clarify things for any underprivelged fledgling not capable of fully following my highly-complicated baby shit story, it was an exaggeration. Dumb fuck.

[Crimson Ghost]

Eight pounds is alot of shit. I wish I could shit eight pounds. Hell, I wish I could shit 4 pounds. The fact that some little kid can shit like that is a very generous guesstimate.

[Shut Up]

Thank you, Professor Babyshit. It is good to know that there are people like you around with such vast and extensive knowledge on just how much excremant your average house-baby can produce. You, sir, truly make the world a better place.

It's too bad everyone hates you tho. Especially me.

Again, eight pounds of baby shit is an exaggeration. I don't know how much the stupid fucking kid shit. I didn't put the pile on a god damn fucking scale before I put it into the dipshit's backpack. Next time I'll be sure to remember to weigh the baby shit prior to putting it into the backpack. You know, just so I know exactly how much babyshit we're talking about here.

[Misinformation Man]

DID YOU KNOW:

The excrement of children under the age of 3 contains four times the amount of hydrophosphates.

[KriptiK]

mmmm baby shit.

Good Job. ^_^

[glowbelly]

you, sir, are full of shit.

thank you and la la loo.

[Shut Up]

Alas, you are incorrect in your presumption that I am full of shit. A closer read will soon reveal that it was, in fact, the aforementioned male figure's backpack which was full of shit, and not myself, as previously stated.

Honestly, I did not think the great minds at I-Mockery would have such trouble grasping my baby shit story. It is a bit disheartening knowing that, yet again, I am pitted against intellectual un-equals. But such is the story of life.

[glowbelly]

hehe. intellectual un-equals.

you filled a co-workers backpack with baby poo. you went out of your way to touch baby poo just because you didn't like somebody.

hehe. intellectual un-equal?

ok buddy.

[Shut Up]

Oh, a fiesty one!

I did not go 'out of my way' to touch the baby poo. Perhaps if your brain was not the circumference of a penny, you would have remembered that my boss told my co-woker and I to clean the baby poo, thus interlinking our fate with the baby poo's in the first place. I did not spot baby poo from afar, run to it and jab it with my finger, as implied by the likes of you, you hair-brained sausage-linker.

At any rate, I did not touch the baby poo with my bare hands. I made sure proper precautions were taken so the infectious materials did not make contact with my skin, if that was what you were concerned with.

And it was funny. We all had a laugh and the kid walked around with baby shit in his backpack. So there.

[Les Waste]

LOL YOU SHOOD USE MORE BIG WORDS TO IMPRESS PEOPLE ON A MESSAGE BOARD AND MAKE THEM THINK YUO ARE SO MUCH SMARTER THAT IS A GOOD IDEA

ALSO I THINK THE BABY POO IN THE BOOKBAG WAS A GOOD IDEA AND IT WAS LOL

TELL ME DO YOU HAVE ANY GOOD STORIES ABOUT WAL-MART, OR PULLING SOME PRANKS? OR MAYBE EVEN PULLING SOME PRANKS AT WAL-MART?!?!?!?!

[James]

Hahaha. +10 points for the subtle BMF reference.

[glowbelly]

shut up: you can call me names and make random assumptions about the size of my brain, but the fact of the matter is: YOU PUT BABY POO IN A CO-WORKERS BACKPACK.

i hate to break this to you, dear, but that is not an intellectual act. it's actually rather disgusting and reminds me of something a pissed off little monkey child would do, if it had a job and somebody he didn't like who had a backpack.

[mburbank]

Shut Up, I'm so sorry to interupt, really, but there's someone here I really want you to meet, it would just be such a shame if you two didn't get to know each other.

Fartin? Can you come here for a sec? This is the guy I was telling you about, the Smarmy Jerkoff. I just thought a Numb Tit like you would really enjoy the company of a Smarmy Jerkoff like Shut Up.

[Shut Up]

Glowbelly - No, no, NO . READ AGAIN, STUPID. Nowhere does it mention I put a pile of baby shit in a co-worker's backpack. I put it in some dumb shit's backpack who frequently inhabited the general vacinity and happened to leave his backpack there. With a co-workers help (this is the part you had trouble understanding. You know, because you're dumb.), we transferred the said baby shit from the floor into his backpack. Perhaps I should use illustrations next time with lots of shiny colors to keep your attention in check, because obviously your attention span floated elsewhere along with your brain moments after hitting the 'post reply' button.

Furthermore, nowhere did I claim this was an intellectual act, and I was, at the time, a fifteen year old-monkey child as indicated by you. Both of these claims are true, and perhaps the only correct assumption you have made in your entire life, let alone this thread. Congratulations, you have inferred two points correctly and spouted complete jargon the rest of the time.

As for the others, you smell funny. And I don't like that. Queers.

[James]

Having trouble understanding your story isn't really due to a lack of intelligence on our part. But rather, it's due to your own minimal brain capacity and your inability to write clearly.

In other words, don't tell any more stories, as you obviously suck at them. Oh, and the fact that baby shit in a backpack is about as funny and interesting as Kangaroo Jack.

[glowbelly]

you claimed yourself to be intellectually superior to fellow posters...WHILE YOU SHOVED BABY POO INTO SOMEONE'S BACKPACK FOR "SHITS" AND "GIGGLES."

it's called a contradiction. i'm sure you're used to spouting these. now you have a name for them.

[mburbank]

Is shut up

A.) Lieing. That woould mean he actually thinks this horrid little story elevates him in some way beyond what he actually is, meaning he's worse than the person he protrays himself as. Sadly Possible.

B.) Telling the truth, in which case he's the kind of giggling dick you can only hope dies of a wasting disease. Less likely, but not out of the question

C.) A sad near pubescent self styled misfit who believes portarying himself online as a mean spirited bad ass will somehow sooth the emptiness that gnaws at him day in day out so that he only knows how to leap at his leash, foaming and yapping like the neglected tea cup poodle he is.

D.) C and so pathetic he will now immitate the multiple choice format of this post to insult me using epithets from his word-a-day e-calendar, some of them correctly.

[James]

I was, at the time, a fifteen year old-monkey child

And now he's a 15 1/2-year-old monkey child. CLEARLY MATURED!

[Pub Lover]

Originally Posted by Shut Up

...spouted complete jargon the rest of the time.

Jargon isn't the same as gibberish, what you just said was that her statement was too complex to use conventional dialogue in a concise statement. :/

(Damn, sometimes I wish I was Max Burbank. )

[Shut Up]

Jamesman - I put baby shit in someone's backpack at work. If you can't understand that, peel your fat ass away from your computer for five seconds to kill yourself. On second thought, kill yourself anyway.

Glowbelly - Touche. Unfortunately, you still are a massive dumb cunt.

Burbank - Thank you for introducing me to Fartin Mowler. Now hopefully you can introduce a noose around your neck and gravity can introduce your soul to the neither regions.

[mburbank]

The 'nether regions'? Honestly? You're pretty much of a weiner though, huh? The 'nether regions'. Say some more stuff like that.

[James]

Well, if I'm having trouble understanding the basic concept of you putting shit in someone's backpack, it's probably because my brain can't conceive that someone would be so fucking lame to actually place baby shit into someone's backpack.