Originally Posted by Guitar Woman
also why the fuck is rollerskating so fucking hard
I'm not sure because I promptly gave that shit up around the of 12. My body was way too awkward.
I am talking about skates and not "blades"... I don't know know about inline skating.
But skates, in the early 80's, had one cool effect, which I will bulid towards.
So, yer at the skating rink for yer adolescent mating ritual. You're a 12 year old boy whos balls have just "dropped", just found out that girls "get boobs" maybe a year ago, and are determined to see these "Boobs" in real life.
So you go to the skate rental. You ask for a size 8. All gone. They do have 3 pairs of 6 and a half or 2 sizes in 11.
No 9's? GO FISH!
You don't want the 11's because they are "CLOWN SHOES". So you go for a 6 and a half.
Putting these onto size 8 feet requires about 10 - 15 minutes. While doing this you not only see the grail of boobs which are possessed by an "older woman" (a Freshman in high school, who is also a cheerleader for varsity), but you notice 3-4 NEW arcade games which you must at least try with the 3 dollars yer parents sent you off with.
You skate around feeling like yer gonna fall, AT ANY TIME, unless you skate the rim so you can touch the wall or railing occasionally...
The only time you skate with confidence is when they play Van Halen, Motley Crue, Def Leppard or maybe ZZ TOP from the "Eliminator" LP.
(as an aside... I have NO idea when or why I started writing this in the 2nd person, but just go with it, OK? This is semi-autobiographical)
They play the "Limbo Rock" song, like every week, but since yer flexible (and a damn SEXY BEAST, like the boob queen will find out, many years later when she's a crack whore you randomly see in a bar), you actually make the top 3.
But you still get third, because even though, you COULD squeeze underneath 14 inches of space, YOU CAN'T DO IT IN THESE GODFORSAKEN 6 AND A HALF SKATES, MAN!!!!
You stick around though, just to see who does make 1st and 2nd, even though it's usually the same two people, they just trade places sometimes. But this is the week that you notice that they BOTH WEAR A SIZE 8 ROLLER SKATE AND IT'S A RENTAL!!!! AND THEY ARE 19 SKATING OFF WITH THE 15 YEAR OLD CHEERLEADER BOOB QUEEN!!!!!
About this time, the "Couple Skate" songs come on. So, in anger, you go play the 3 new video games you spotted. Yer money's gone before 5 minutes is up.
So you just give up. It takes another 10 minutes or so to get the footbinding skates off. You put yer street shoes back on. And walk around....
And then, "THE ONE COOL EFFECT" I mentioned earlier happens.
YER LEGS AND FEET ARE LIGHT!!! It's like walking in zero gravity, almost.
You almost feel like Cherubim from Heaven above are singing ... To YOUR FEET and your feet alone. It is, really truly amazing... the sensation.
On yer way out, you give the Boob Queen a 5 second stare... memorizing every nuance of the boobs. Judging by skin tone, and hair color which seems natural, you estimate nipple and areola size and color...
and when you meet her in the bar, twenty years later, you realize you were 90% correct. But it only cost you 5 bucks to see 'em, and another 10 for a wicked, toothless crack whore blowjob.