Dear "Digger"

[Grislygus]

Since I now live with people who watch NASCAR, I have been introduced to you. The NASCAR fans want to shoot you both on principal and out of irritation. I want to torture you because you make NASCAR even worse. No one loves you, except for the announcers who chuckle stupidly and declare "THARS DIGGER! HYUCK! ANYWAY AS I WAS SAYING, THE WINGS BEING REPLACED BY THE SPOILER BLAH BLAH-"

But wait! You have a FAMILY now. Maisy Duke, the "sexy, inbred woodchuck". A senile, half-blind gopher in a wheelchair. With SOUND EFFECTS. Ooh, and there's the precious "Digger Cam"! Watch out, Digger, the cars are gonna run you over!

What? You want me to buy Digger gear? I can proudly adorn my chest and head with buck-toothed redneck rodents?! FUCK YES, WHERE ARE THE BEER HATS?



Love, your murderer