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Junior Member
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Pacific Northwest
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Jul 7th, 2003, 06:55 AM
Yep, the pink Topps Gum still tastes like ass
Hello all, this is Fat Tony here. I have posted alot of random stuff on the Movie Reviews section and figured I might as well talk to other I-Mockery fans as well I mean what else am I gonna do with my life? Go meet a woman and try and start a family? Fuck that, theres time for that tomorrow, today I gots some 'Boy and His Blob' to play!
But anyhoo, I thought I would touch on a topic that is close to my heart.... GARBAGE PAIL KIDS CARDS!!! I mean does it get any better then Trading Cards/All Purpose Stickers that are horribly disgusting and nasty enough to make your parents concerned for your mental health? I think not.
I mean these cards had em' all... Untill the Douchariffic movie came out.... How horrible.... That was a sad sad day in deed. But anyways one of the things about it was the pink crumbly gum that came with it. It was so bad, yet you always seemed to chew it.. It was as if they put heroin in those little pink sticks. Every time I opened a pack it seemed to be the same scenerio.
FAT TONY AS CHILD: Yes new Garbage Pail kids cards (Opens package) oh... The gum, well I will just properly dispose of this... But it may be good.. Maybe it'll actually have the consistancy of gum? (Puts in mouth, realizes in disgust the mistake I just made) SONOFABITCH!!! TOPPS YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN! DAMN YOU'S!!!!!!
So I was excited when my older brother showed me what he purchased on E-Bay.. A whole box of "Old Skool" Garbage Pail Kids cards... None of that crappy 90's style ones these were simply the classics. Rock E' Horror, Nasty Nick, Evil Eddie... Pure adoloscent geniouis.
But my brother had a couple of spare packs the previous owner sent as a added bonus... My older brother being the avid card collecter he is, opened the package that was out of the box and didn't even open the box, and there it was... The pink gum, in all it's nasty glory...
Maybe the gum gets better with age I thought? Maybe it will be really good 15 years later?
Was it...
Sadly no, Topps had dooped me again, those bastards.. It was even worse this time around, the moment it hit my tongue the gum shattered in millions of hardened sugery pieces making me gag immediatly my mouth instantly turning a silly-putty-esque pink.
Damn you Topps.
Damn you.
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I don't get it. I mean, why did they fuck with the formula? Where are the car songs? There's only one song about surfing and it's a downer!
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