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  #301  
RaNkeri RaNkeri is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 04:34 AM       
Hooray, I got my gift today
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  #302  
Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 05:32 AM       
Good, that's one missing gift accounted for. But there are still others who haven't received them yet.
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  #303  
RaNkeri RaNkeri is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 12:11 PM       
I am writing this under an appreciable mental strain, since by tonight I shall be no more. Penniless, and at the end of my supply of toilet paper, I can bear the torture no longer; I shall cast myself from this garret window into the squalid street below. When you have read this hastily typed message you may guess, though never realise, why it is that I must have forgetfulness or death.


1. THE HORROR IN OOZE

My experiment of the horror began in the winter of 2007, with the participation to secret santa event of a sadistic cult. Dear god, if I just could've known what kind of cosmic horrors were waiting me.
I was in the middle of my morning chores when the doorbell rang. It was the postman and with him there was a package. "Holy oshe! All the way from Australia!" I thought and wondered who would bother with sending me a package from such a far away place.


I hastily opened tha package, only to find it to be filled with newspapers. "Either it's something very valuable, or someone is trying to play a trick on me" I thought while removing the newspapers. There indeed was something, a letter, written with crude letters and signed by someone, whose name formed of almost unpronounceabal jumble of letters, Darklycan.


But that wasn't all, for there was also a weird, plastic figure, companied with cryptic letters. It seemed to be a some sort of a monster, having a resemblence to a gigantic human nose.



But it wasn't a mere figure, it was a container! Where the "nostrils" would have been, there was a hatch, which I now regret opening.
I opened the hatch, and found that the figure was filled with ooze. But it wasn't normal ooze, it was cosmic ooze and it was horrible, so horrible that it made cold sweat form on my back when I touched it.



I was about to throw the figure away, when I heard weird chant from inside! It is hard to write down the gibberish, but it sounded as if somebody, or something would've said "Iń Iń Fagot".


I do not know why, but I stuck my hand into the ooze, as if ordered by some cosmic force, and pulled up a creature, a creature beyond understanding.


2. THE THREAT OF SNOTBOT

My heart was about to stop beating, when the creature looked at me, and speaked with it's horrible voice and accent.



Oi lad, oi, ye bastard, ye the one 'ho pulled me out o' the ooz'? The creature asked

W-who are you? I replied

Look at the hieroglyphs ye dumb fuckin' bastard! It replied.

I looked at the hieroglyphs and indeed, there was the image of the creature and below it was it's name, among with many others of his kind. Below Arnold Snotzenegger and between Brad Spit and Hanky Hogan, there was the name of Snotbot.


S-Snotbot? I asked in sheer horror.

Aye replied Snotbot.

Ye pulled me out? Snotbot asked

Y-yes I replied



Suck's to be ye, bastard, for ye gotta help me conquer the world Snotbot said.

What? No way! I yelled at him.

Ye better say "aye", otherwise I have me dog eat yer balls off ye bastard! Snotbot said, and flashed somewhat menacing photo of his dog.



O-okay I replied.

Good, said Snotbot, ye gotta help me resurrect the dark lord Fagot for that, ye must wear the magical ring of Moc, Snotbot said and summoned a jewelry box out of nowhere.



The ring's been made by the best jewelrysmiths o' Chi-Na, so feel proud, ye bastard.

I opened the box and took out the ring.



Umm... It's kind a big... I said while looking at the magnificent, gigantic ring.

Of course ye dumb fuckin' bastard, it's the ring of Fagot, and Fagot in massive



I put the ring on my index finger, and immedietly felt a cosmic, evil force take over my mind.




Good, now ye' must mark yeself wit' the mark of Fagot, the mark of evil, Snotbot said and tossed few sheets of various evil tattoos at me. Pick ye favorite, he said.



Y-Yes, I answered, although the voice wasn't mine it came from my mouth.

And so, the mark of Fagot was put onto my massive bicep.



Now we must wait 'till it's dark, Snotbot said, and I fell into coma.

3. THE MADNESS FROM AUSTRALIA

I woke up mostly thanks to few groin kicks delivered by Snotbot.

Wake up ye bastard, he yelled. We must now perform the ritual!

What ritual? I asked

We must let Fagot's spirit come into me body, so he can have a physical form, Snotbot said.

How are we going to do that? I asked



With music, Snotbot said and gave me a set of magical-evil-drumsticks and glow bracelets. Ye must literally rock Fagot out.



I see... but what's with these bracelets? I mean, if you want me to rave, just let me turn on my boombox. I said



Just start playin' ye stupid bastard!

And so we partied hard, at least as hard as Blue Gularis would. (Sorry for the lack of sound)



After the night of hard partying I was too exhausted to stay up and once again fell into restless sleep.

As I woke up, Snotbot was gone, so was the figure and the sheets of hieroglyphs.

Was it all just a dream? I muttered, but then noticed another creature on my desk, this one in a shape of skull.



Aw shit ye dumb fuckin' bastard! Ye punk! Ye ruined everything! the skull shouted

Snotbot? I asked



Ye! Ye sucked last night, can't even play imaginary drums now look at me! Ye gonna be dead lad!

And how are you gonna do that if I may ask? You have no arms or legs for chris' sakes! Are you gonna bite me? I yelled back slightly amused.



Don't be pushin' ye luck punk! I have friends, strong friends, and I'll just send one o' 'em to beat ye to pulp! Just wait! As soon as ye step yer nose outside of yer appartment ye gonna be dead! Snotbot said, and expanded his eyeballs in front of me.



This was too much for me and I fainted. When I woke up, snotbot was gone. Everything was once again normal, yet I felt frightened. Was Snotbot serious about sending one of his goons after me?

------------------------------------



And so, I'm back at present day. I've lived in my apartment for 1 month now. And as I wrote at the beginning, I shall not be afraid of anymore! I shall throw myself down from-
Huh, what's that?



Oh my god, that figure, on the roof of the opposite building, it can be-





Heh, didn't even break a sweat!


Time to loot his stuff!
THE END

And if it wasn't made clear in the story, the gifts were 100% win. Especially the predator figure. I don't know how did you come up with that, was it my avatar or have you seen my posts of praising Arnold's movies but you sure came up with awesome gift! The spear of the figure was broken when I received the gift though, but I bought some scalemodel glue and fixed it.

Thank you, Darklycan

I'd like to appologize Australians for my pathetic attempts at trying to mime the talk of Aussies.
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  #304  
Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 12:24 PM       
Wow, that's a damned fine haul I must say. Good pics RanKeri and way to go with the sending of cool gifts, Darklycan!

I'm pretty curious about those Rock Beat drumsticks though. If you have a webcam or anything, you should upload a video of yourself rocking out with them so we can hear how they sound. :O
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  #305  
RaNkeri RaNkeri is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 12:30 PM       
I tried to video them, but for somereason the voice couldn't be heard. Maybe my laptop lacks a microphone or something?
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  #306  
Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 12:42 PM       
If your laptop has a built-in webcam, chances are that it has a mic as well. You just might need to turn on the mic somewhere in your volume control or somethin.
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  #307  
Thanos Thanos is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 03:06 PM       
I got my gifts in great time from saltshakermaniac. We weren't on the official Secret Santa list because we missed the deadline to enter, but we came through for each other anyway. Looks like we can be trusted! The book called "The Zen of Zombie" is absolutely awesome and I'm sure to make great use of the Tic-Tac-Toe drinking game! Thanks saltshakermaniac! Be sure to get your photos of what I sent you up!

  #308  
Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 03:21 PM       
Ah great, I'm glad you guys managed to work it out even though you missed the deadline. Fortunately, you'll be good to go for the Secret Santa event next year.

So how does that tic-tac-toe drinking game work? Who ever wins get to make the other person drink all the shots on the game board?
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  #309  
poppers620 poppers620 is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 03:39 PM       
hey Rog you shold purchase one of those tic tac toe drinking games for Re, we all know what a boozer she is.
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  #310  
Thanos Thanos is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 03:52 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mockery View Post
Ah great, I'm glad you guys managed to work it out even though you missed the deadline. Fortunately, you'll be good to go for the Secret Santa event next year.

So how does that tic-tac-toe drinking game work? Who ever wins get to make the other person drink all the shots on the game board?
Well, it essentially works that way. In reading from the back of the box, I'll paraphrase:

Gameplay is comprised of a five-round tournament. The winner of a round makes the loser take one shot. After five rounds, the Tic-Tac-Toe Tournament is complete and the person having taken the most shots loses.

I'm sure extra rules could be added on to make gameplay more interesting. My girlfriend and I will get great use out of it, along with the Checkers Drinking Set we already have.
  #311  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 05:03 PM       
You guys both got some really cool gifts.
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That was very funny. Well done.
  #312  
Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 05:40 PM       
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Originally Posted by poppers620 View Post
hey Rog you shold purchase one of those tic tac toe drinking games for Re, we all know what a boozer she is.
Hahaha, this coming from the LUSH who nearly passed out in our shower on Halloween and didn't even remember how she ended up on our couch? Don't make me post those pics of you drinking countless Halloween martinis from Target.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thanos View Post
Gameplay is comprised of a five-round tournament. The winner of a round makes the loser take one shot. After five rounds, the Tic-Tac-Toe Tournament is complete and the person having taken the most shots loses.

I'm sure extra rules could be added on to make gameplay more interesting. My girlfriend and I will get great use out of it, along with the Checkers Drinking Set we already have.
Only one shot? Screw that haha, make your opponent drink ALL the shots after one game. I guarantee you won't have to wait five full rounds to discover who the loser is. Cool stuff though, enjoy the gifts!
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  #313  
Thanos Thanos is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 05:44 PM       
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Hahaha, this coming from the LUSH who nearly passed out in our shower on Halloween and didn't even remember how she ended up on our couch? Don't make me post those pics of you drinking countless Halloween martinis from Target.
I'll send ten bucks via PayPal tonight for those pics. Let's see 'em!
  #314  
saltshakermaniac saltshakermaniac is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 08:26 PM       
Ok, so heres the stuff Thanos sent me... Iam not in a very creative mood right now (due to a hangover from hell). So as soon as this is posted iam going to lay down and pray for daylight. Also there were 2 candy bars in the package but i already ate them and threw the wrappers out before I took any pictures


My DVD collection is complete now.


ahh moonpie glory






Its one of those things that craps out jelly beans , I cant get the thing to work though


There mini-moonpies, the mini makes them special......
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  #315  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 08:48 PM       
I take back what I said. The new people are pretty good :D
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  #316  
saltshakermaniac saltshakermaniac is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 09:01 PM       
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I take back what I said. The new people are pretty good :D
My god, its a christmas miraicle
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  #317  
Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 09:07 PM       
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ahh moonpie glory
:OOOOOOOOO MOON PIES and the Darkman Trilogy?? Goddamn, that's a nice haul. You're set on entertainment and groceries for at least a few days there. Way to send awesome stuff guys.
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  #318  
bigtimecow bigtimecow is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 09:52 PM       
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Hahaha, this coming from the LUSH who nearly passed out in our shower on Halloween and didn't even remember how she ended up on our couch? Don't make me post those pics of you drinking countless Halloween martinis from Target.
lol plz
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  #319  
JackSchmidtKnifeThrower JackSchmidtKnifeThrower is offline
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Old Dec 18th, 2007, 10:24 PM       
Okay. Here we go...



Theres an overall shot of all of what I recieved. There was this note,



it reads

'Hola Zack Zopp!

My name in the forums is 'Captain Pirateface' AKA John.
I am sending you what I consider to be 3 random "BadAss" Collectables.
Why you may ask?
I am a Nerd.
And, I think if more people embraced Nerd-dom they would be happier.
So Enjoy.
Keep them in the package for them to be worth some $$$ when you are an old fart. Or rip these
Bad Boys out and set them up somewhere Perdy to look at. They are also fun to scare Babies with.

Keep it real Vato...
Keep it real..."

CAPTAIN PIRATEFACE"

I think all 3 Collectables are AWESOME becuase I collect Collectables because I too am a Nerd. Funny, because Freddy is my personal Favorite of the 3 most popular Movie Maniacs (Freddy, Jason, Leatherface). So, Now the story begins.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE AND THE QUEST TO CALL KIP TO GET HIM TO BRING NAPOLEON HIS FRIGGIN' CHAP-STIK:A Twisted World Of Plot-Holes And Spelling Errors. *Working Title*

N=Napoleon
F=Freddy
TF=Tooth Fairy



N="GOSH! It was hard using my Nun-Chuck Skills to get out of that plastic. At least it was easier than hunting wolverines. I need to call kip to bring me my Chap-Stik."

"I'VE GOT SOME!"


N="SWEET!"



N="Freddy Krueger! But why is your head huge?"
F="I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM MY FIGHT WITH THAT HOCKEY-PUCK JASON."



N="Why does your hand have Large Talons?"
F="WHAT?"
N="I'm gonna stop asking about talons because no one understands when I ask. GOSH! FRIGGIN' IDIOT!"



F="SHUT UP, BITCH! IF I HAD ENOUGH POWER I'D DO SOMETHING NEAT LIKE TURN YOU INTO A FACE ON A PIZZA"
N="You already did that in Nightmare 3."
F="IT WAS 4!"



N="As long as that Tooth Fairy dose'nt come."
F="NAH, THE TOOTH FAIRY IS STILL IN THE BOX."



TF="Well, This Sucks......."

Back With Napoleon...



N="Gosh! I just need some friggin Chap-Stik!"

F="THEN IT IS A FIGHT TO THE DEATH! MY BLADES-YOUR NUN-CHUCK SKILLS."

So, after a long battle,

Who else to beat Freddy but......



"ME, ZOIDBERG!"

"Here is his Chap-Stik"



N="YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
Zoidberg="Now If you will excuse me, I have a ro-but to examine."



Fry="I'm not Bender. I'm Fry."
Zoidberg="Really? I thought YOU were the ro-but."
Fry="Nope. Human."
Zoidberg="Interesting...."

YOU READ IT, YOU CAN'T UN-READ IT

So, there's the story. I know it is not very good, and most of whoever is reading this will hate me for posting so many pictures, but, Whatever.....

And No, I did not get the Futurama figures from Captain Pirateface. Futurama is my favorite show, and it was the best/ most random ending I could think of.
  #320  
Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2007, 01:08 AM       
Hehe another good haul. Nice way to work in "talons" to the discussion between Napoleon and Freddy too
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  #321  
Misdemonar Misdemonar is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2007, 01:30 AM       
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  #322  
Cfr5 Cfr5 is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2007, 01:44 AM       
Holy shit! Zack Zopp is one of the coolest names of all time.
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  #323  
MLE MLE is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2007, 04:42 AM       
Not nearly as cool as Zak Zeeks.
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  #324  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2007, 04:43 AM       
Great stuff aside from napoleon dynamite ( talons right)
EDit: I agree, MLE!
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That was very funny. Well done.
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aj2217 aj2217 is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2007, 09:54 AM       
Oh my Secret Santa, please tell me my gifts arrived ;__;
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