Go Back   I-Mockery Forum > I-Mockery Site Forums > Article Discussion
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
MockBot MockBot is offline
I ARE ROBOT
MockBot's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: I-Mockery Headquarters, USA
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 03:26 AM        Your Termination Package
Automatically generated comment thread for Your Termination Package.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Kitsunexus Kitsunexus is offline
Turrican't. :(
Kitsunexus's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 03:53 AM       
Yeah, had I not gotten termed a couple of weeks ago, this would have been side-splitting. As of now, it's freaking scary.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
VolCanon VolCanon is offline
Member
VolCanon's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: LardVille
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 03:59 AM       
My idiot boss fired me from a crappy part time job a while ago, and this is still funny.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Kitsunexus Kitsunexus is offline
Turrican't. :(
Kitsunexus's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 04:03 AM       
WELL SORRY I DON'T SHARE THE SAME MENTALITY AS YOU. BRING THE CROSS, I'LL BRING THE GASOLINE AND THE NAILS AND YOU CAN ROAST MARSHMALLOWS OVER MY FLAMING CORPSE.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
greenimp greenimp is offline
grants but one wish
greenimp's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 06:42 AM       
well this had me laughing for quote a while:
"if a dinner guest asks you "Where was it you used to work?" you must say "Mmmmmnh?" or pretend to have a stroke or deliberately wet yourself to divert attention."

but this took home the win for funnyest one line: it's friends named 'Dave'

heh, this was hillariously good, nice work max

kitsunexus: goody! its been ages since i've been to a really good corpse fire!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Julio Julio is offline
Member
Julio's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 08:23 AM       
I will smile, but while I kick their asses!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
wobzire wobzire is offline
wobzire's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 09:28 AM       
Max I'm sorry. Feel free to hate me, but you need to know something; when I found out you lost your job I was a little exited because I JUST FREAKING KNEW something like this piece would come of it. Although I know that the best comedy comes from hardship, and that thought sort of makes me giddy to see you go through the wringer, I recognize if you starve to death or commit suicide the free comedy ride is over. Hang in there champ!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Simon Love Simon Love is offline
Forum Virgin
Simon Love's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 12:30 PM       
On the bright side, you can now start building nuclear fallout shelters for the day when everything goes boom, making the concept of a job, and spending most of your adult life there an hilarious and obsolete concept. Maybe you could laugh it off with some mutant sentient rats!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 12:32 PM       
Hmmmmmm. Sounds reasonable.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Jigby Huggletinks Jigby Huggletinks is offline
High Priest of Burbank
Jigby Huggletinks's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 12:43 PM       
This should be the first chapter of the new Burbankist bible we're going to write.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Relaxing Dragon Relaxing Dragon is offline
Jason's a Furry! Run!
Relaxing Dragon's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 02:45 PM       
Quote:
No telling. No matter what we do to you now or have done to you in the past or might do at any time for the rest of your life when you least expect it. Not a peep, not a whisper, so help you god or we will bash you with a hammer from behind.
This one in particular had me cracking up so much I had to stop eating my breakfast for a bit. Really funny article, and probably what every big-corporate-office actually says on their severance packages (if you read between the lines, that is).
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Dimnos's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baseball Town, TX
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 03:03 PM       
"...and you hereby recognize that at any time for the rest of your life we can smash through your bedroom window while you sleep, inject you with psychotropic drugs and insert any number of spindly objects, such as, but not limited to, an extendable feather duster into any orifice or orifices existing or to be created upon you at that point forever and ever, world without end amen."

wtf?! Who wouldnt want to sign this?
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Dungeonbrownies Dungeonbrownies is offline
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Dungeonbrownies's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Garden Grove, CA
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 06:58 PM       
i still wonder what he used to do..
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Desert_Screams Desert_Screams is offline
An Arizona Horror Company
Desert_Screams's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Southern Arizona
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 07:58 PM       
I've always been lucky enough-- I suppose that should be in ironic air quotes, although it's damn hard to make air quotes with a keyboard, hell dammit to god-- to be employed by companies that could afford neither the paper nor the ink required for such documents. My termination was usually provided in the form of a Post-It note stapled to my forehead.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
0dd1 0dd1 is offline
Who? Me?
0dd1's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 09:24 PM       
After reading this (if I actually got it from a boss who was firing me), I'd write "DAMN YOU TO HELL" on the Sign Here line and then steal the boss's Superman underwear with his name written on them and then I'd make a pile with thatand the letter and set it on fire and videotape it and then plug my camera into the big screen in Times Square and show all the New Yorkers what a big...what's the word...doo-doo head my boss was/is/always shall be!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

But since I'm not actually being fired, this is funny as heck!!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
0dd1 0dd1 is offline
Who? Me?
0dd1's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 09:26 PM       
BTW, my condolances, Max. Here's hoping you find a new company to sell your soul to for the next 348.5 years. Hopefully, they have an ice-cream machine in the lobby!! B-D ^__^
Reply With Quote
  #17  
JJ the Jetplane JJ the Jetplane is offline
Suicidal Chipmunk
JJ the Jetplane's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Battle Creek, Michigan
Old Jul 1st, 2008, 10:31 PM       
Quote:
If you show so much as a corner of this letter to anyone, even that lawyer we recommended you have look at it, we get to chop your nuts right off. Seriously.
That line right there is what made me laugh the hardest while i was reading it, but the part about discharging the companies moms definitely came in a close second.

Good Job, Max, and sorry about your job. D:
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Count Mek Count Mek is offline
GoldMember
Count Mek's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: London
Old Jul 5th, 2008, 08:10 PM       
Poor Max =(
Reply With Quote
  #19  
RadioNinja RadioNinja is offline
Dirty Birdy
RadioNinja's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
Old Jul 6th, 2008, 01:11 AM       
Max,
I got fired from a major small market station a few months ago...now I work at a better station, for more money and less stress. And I'm an alcoholic.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Istoleyerkeys Istoleyerkeys is offline
Forum Virgin
Istoleyerkeys's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Old Mar 16th, 2010, 11:48 AM       
What's really frightening is the fine print on credit card bills seems very similar to how this is worded...coincidence? I THINK NOT!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

   


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:48 PM.


© 2008 I-Mockery.com
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.