Jan 29th, 2008, 12:21 AM
ok... agreed. a bit of prelude however...
One time a couple of years ago, a friend invited me to a
comedy club. i had the day off, and my friend offered to buy
the ticket... i had some laundry to do, but after being told
that Jerry Seinfeld was going to be there i said, " what
laundry?". i mean, i really liked the series he did but
never saw him live so i was intrigued.
we get to the club way early. we sit and have a couple
drinks. then i have a couple more. then 5 more after that.
by the time Jerry comes on, i'm plowed and obnoxious.
so, jerry goes into his routine and... it was good stuff,
but i was heckling BAD! finishing the jokes, screaming
punchlines, yelling "YOU SUCKKKKK!!!". jerry's face is
fastly growing beet red!
finally, after 20 minutes, he screams "You think you can
do this?!? Step up here!" i yell "FUCK YOU!!!! you couldn't
joke yer way out of a paper bag!"
Jerry goes nuts and threatens to fight me.... i say
"violence is for dumbass dickheads with no balls... you
wanna go against me? YOU GOTTA RAP BATTLE!!!!"
and that's what happened... jerry did do a smashing job...
but he only yelled Run DMC, Public Enemy, and some old NWA.
impressive, but not enough
i slapped the mic out of his hand and bellowed,
"HEYYYYYYYYYYYY_OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! RAP! RAP! (and points to
self) CRAP! CRAP! (points to Jerry)RAP! RAP! CRAP! CRAP!
RAP! RAP! CRAP! CRAP! RAP! RAP! CRAP! CRAP! RAP! RAP! CRAP!
Stooge! you spooge!
When ya see a donkey... you stupid honkey!
Hee-Haw is too smart for you!
Yeah, raise that fist, whatcha gonna do?
You want some crowbar? i got my Kevlar!
Could call you bitch but that's too good!
Smack you in the nuts with a piece of wood!
Jump! Jump! Hear that skull break!
Cherry Jerry don't own this place!
Foot in yo' ass, a piece of glass,
Make yo' existance a thing of the past!
Punch yo'throat and break that nose!
Beat yo' corpse with a rubber hose!
Draw a moustache on rotten body!
WITH MY BRAND NEW, SHIT-BROWN SHARPIE!!!
Kick on back, drink juice and gin!
Resurrect you and do it again!
Pull out dick and put it back in!
No, i'm not gonna fuck you, friend!
Yell and yell and slap the moon!
Then go home and watch cartoons!
Scooby-Doo and SuperFriends!
Then i kick yo'nuts again!
Whine and piss, complain to Kramer!
Could yo' rap be any lamer?
Rub that bruise on yo' nuts!
Break a foot off in yo' butt!
Throwing down with my skill verbal!
WHAT ELSE YOU THINK RHYME WITH PURPLE?
I see you sulking, my dad from Vulcan
And i drive Millenium Falcon!
Yeah, that's right, i do the Mindmeld!
Whatcha gonna do now, Jerry Seinfeld?