Welcome Metalheads, Welcome All! You have reached The Official Metal Mockery site!

[Updated "Many Genres Of Metal" List]
[Updated Household Products]
[Added Logo Deciphering Page 2]
[Added Another "Killer Axe"]
[Added "Be A Metalhead" Page 3]
[Updated Hatemail Page]

On this site we are going to show all of you metal maniac wannabe's just what it takes to be a TRUE Metal Maniac! If you're in a metal band, chances are it's not even a metal band. Chances are you're just some wimpy bastard that thinks he's a tough metal guy. Well think again chump... think again.

First we're going to examine all of the Household Products that a TRUE Metal Maniac should have in his/her possession. Next we'll test you and see if you can decipher those cryptic logos that many metal bands have. From there we'll take you on a tour of the ultimate metal guitars for all of you shredders out there. And finally, we'll show you some classic poses and styles that any metal maniac should know.

And once you're done looking through all of that stuff, we've got a Survey for you to take as well as the Metal Maniac Message Board for you to post your thoughts publicly on with other pseudo-metal maniacs like yourself!!

But before all of that, we've got some other things to cover.

First off, what are all of the different kinds of Metal? Yeah, we know that a pseudo-metal rocker like yourself doesn't know a real metal band from your own ass. So we feel like we should educate you a little bit about all the kinds of metal that can be found out there.

The Many Genres Of Metal!

  • death metal
  • thrash metal
  • black metal
  • gore metal
  • grind metal
  • punk metal
  • power metal
  • symphonic metal
  • speed metal
  • classic metal
  • nu-metal
  • industrial metal
  • blackened death metal
  • retro-thrash metal
  • christian metal
  • amish metal
  • satanic metal
  • melodic metal
  • stoner metal
  • sludge metal
  • progressive metal
  • doom metal
  • psychedelic metal
  • 80's metal
  • alternative metal
  • New Wave of British Heavy Metal metal
  • New Wave of Swedish Death Metal metal
  • darkwave metal
  • techno metal
  • ambient metal
  • Aluminum metal
  • Glam metal
  • Space metal
  • porno metal
  • goth metal
  • math metal
  • advanced algebra/trigonometry metal
  • southern metal
  • northern metal
  • egyptian metal
  • emo metal
  • role-playing metal
  • barnyard metal
  • tribal metal
  • noise metal
  • car-wash metal
  • route 666 metal
  • route 667 metal
  • route 777 metal
  • phone metal
  • demonic sacrificial metal
  • disco metal
  • trailer park metal
  • murder metal
  • destructo metal
  • glacier metal
  • fruit of the loom metal
  • cereal metal
  • platypus metal
  • indian metal
  • gymnastic metal
  • stalactite metal
  • stalagmite metal
  • swedish chef metal
  • medical metal (with an optional dental plan)
  • clown metal
  • surfer metal
  • cobra la la la metal
  • lobster metal
  • vitamin enriched metal
  • lactose intolerant metal
  • laundromat metal
  • japanese metal
  • fava beans metal
  • country metal
  • honky-tonk metal
  • gerbil metal
  • ZOD metal
  • buddhist metal
  • quaker metal
  • rechargeable metal
  • gospel metal
  • hopscotch metal
  • candyland metal
  • hungry hungry hippos metal
  • crystal pepsi metal
  • bluegrass metal
  • viking metal
  • E=mc˛ metal
  • funeral doom metal
  • slippery when wet metal
  • sugar-free metal
  • pork, the other white metal

An impressive list eh? Well that's not even the tip of the iceberg you idiot! And you really thought you had the right to call yourself "Metal"!?!? Pashaw...

If there's a genre you'd like to see added to the list then TELL US, tough guy!



This Site Is Brought To You By Those Thrasharific Maniacs At I-Mockery.com