So here we are. California.
Los Angeles. Where the stars fall from the sky only to be paid sickening
amounts of money to pretend to be that delightful person you see on the
big screen instead of who they really are - the assholes behind the
tinted windows of the jacked-up ugly yellow Hummer that just nearly ran you and your
puny little Honda Civic off the goddamned road. Yes my friends,
I-Mockery has arrived on the West Coast. But we didn't fly... god didn't
give us wings (or first-class plane tickets). No, our journey all the
way from Richmond, Virginia to this winterless wonderland would be done
in style. We jumped in our little economy car, loaded it with as many
road maps as possible and just started driving. We knew what our final
destination was, but where we would end up each day on the way to
California was anybody's guess.
Chances are you've already
read our daily updates in the
travel journal from when we were actually on the road. If you
haven't, I strongly suggest you go do that first so you're caught up to speed
on where we went and what we did. If you don't, chances are, the
pictures you're about to see won't make a lot of sense. In
the travel journal, I talked about all the adventurous places our latest
travels had taken us and made sure to include a few photos with each
entry. The fact is, however, that I took a lot more photos than what you
saw in the journal. Actually, I think I had taken something like over
4 gigs worth of photos by the time our trip was over. As promised,
I'm now here to deliver all those photos that you didn't get to see!
Granted, some of the photos were of the amazing landscapes and I won't
bore you with too many of those because they just don't hold a candle to
seeing them in real life and it'd probably feel like a slideshow. But there's still a boatload of goodies for
you to check out, so let's get right down to it. It's the absurdly
massive 18-page photo gallery
from I-Mockery's Great American Road Trip!
DAY
1:
RICHMOND, VA - KNOXVILLE, TN
Good bye East Coast! And to those about to follow us on our
amazing journey across the entire country, we salute you!
Word to the wise: never drink water at a rest area. EVER.
The fencing on the side of the roads didn't have me convinced that my
ass would be safe should nature decide "hey! it's high time for a
rockslide!"
I guess these guys never heard about the portability of the Nintendo DS?
But who needs video games when you have the
greatest floor mat in the history of floor mats!
As you can tell by the unshaven astonishment on my face,
I've never seen a lot of trees in one area like that before.
Inside this building Pepsi bottles up their soda... and rage.
Bad weather on the East coast? I too thought my eyes were playing tricks
on me
but the camera doesn't lie. Yes it's true, we encountered bad weather.
SHOCKING!
Food City! It's like a city... of food!
Welcome to Marion, VA - feel like killing yourself yet?
Perhaps this sad glimpse of "Happy's Bar" will make you point the gun to
your temple?
And what was literally right next door to Happy's Bar? Why it's a
fallout shelter!
Hey, at least when the nuclear holocaust comes, the people of Marion can
all get
smashed before they all go hide in the shelter. Then again, would
exposure to a
nuclear holocaust really be much worse than spending another day in
Marion?
As much as I wanted to leave, I just had to see what Marion's finest
local
restaurants had to offer. Being a big fan of Japanese hibachi steak &
chicken,
I figured this place would be the perfect stop. Re and I had decided
before we
left for our big adventure that we would only eat at local restaurants
for dinner
instead of being cheap slackers who stopped at every fast food road
stop.
You gotta try the local foods in each town, that's part of the road trip
adventure!
Multi-colored bubbling palm trees (like the ones you see at a Spencer's
store in the mall) and episodes of "Will & Grace" playing loudly on the
TV for all the guests to enjoy?
How's THAT for an authentic Japanese dining experience!
There were two meals that I simply HAD to try as soon as I saw them
listed
on the menu. Any guesses as to what's inside these mystery boxes?
Chicken and Beef... ON A STICK!
Not only that but they came with french fries, chips, rice, carrots, and
ketchup dip!
Why go to Japan when you can go to Marion, VA?
I think Re was even more impressed with the food than I was! Who's up
for seconds?
The Old General Store must be THE place to be in Marion.
As you drive across the country, Jebus' looney followers like to
constantly
remind you about him with gigantic crosses just off the major highways.
Internet access? Check. Ok, we'll stay here.
One of the many hilarious brochures we picked up during our trip.
(chances are I'll do another piece sometime entirely about the brochures
we found)
After laughing at the brochures we found in the hotel Re gets ready to crash
while I
rejoice over the internet connection working on my laptop so I can
write the first entry in our cross country travel journal. Hooray for
technology.
