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I-Mockery's Great American Road Trip!
by: -RoG-

So here we are. California. Los Angeles. Where the stars fall from the sky only to be paid sickening amounts of money to pretend to be that delightful person you see on the big screen instead of who they really are - the assholes behind the tinted windows of the jacked-up ugly yellow Hummer that just nearly ran you and your puny little Honda Civic off the goddamned road. Yes my friends, I-Mockery has arrived on the West Coast. But we didn't fly... god didn't give us wings (or first-class plane tickets). No, our journey all the way from Richmond, Virginia to this winterless wonderland would be done in style. We jumped in our little economy car, loaded it with as many road maps as possible and just started driving. We knew what our final destination was, but where we would end up each day on the way to California was anybody's guess.

Chances are you've already read our daily updates in the travel journal from when we were actually on the road. If you haven't, I strongly suggest you go do that first so you're caught up to speed on where we went and what we did. If you don't, chances are, the pictures you're about to see won't make a lot of sense. In the travel journal, I talked about all the adventurous places our latest travels had taken us and made sure to include a few photos with each entry. The fact is, however, that I took a lot more photos than what you saw in the journal. Actually, I think I had taken something like over 4 gigs worth of photos by the time our trip was over. As promised, I'm now here to deliver all those photos that you didn't get to see! Granted, some of the photos were of the amazing landscapes and I won't bore you with too many of those because they just don't hold a candle to seeing them in real life and it'd probably feel like a slideshow. But there's still a boatload of goodies for you to check out, so let's get right down to it. It's the absurdly massive 18-page photo gallery from I-Mockery's Great American Road Trip!

DAY 1:

Good bye East Coast! And to those about to follow us on our
amazing journey across the entire country, we salute you!

Word to the wise: never drink water at a rest area. EVER.

The fencing on the side of the roads didn't have me convinced that my
ass would be safe should nature decide "hey! it's high time for a rockslide!"

I guess these guys never heard about the portability of the Nintendo DS?

But who needs video games when you have the
greatest floor mat in the history of floor mats!

As you can tell by the unshaven astonishment on my face,
I've never seen a lot of trees in one area like that before.

Inside this building Pepsi bottles up their soda... and rage.

Bad weather on the East coast? I too thought my eyes were playing tricks on me
but the camera doesn't lie. Yes it's true, we encountered bad weather. SHOCKING!

Food City! It's like a city... of food!

Welcome to Marion, VA - feel like killing yourself yet?

Perhaps this sad glimpse of "Happy's Bar" will make you point the gun to your temple?

And what was literally right next door to Happy's Bar? Why it's a fallout shelter!
Hey, at least when the nuclear holocaust comes, the people of Marion can all get
smashed before they all go hide in the shelter. Then again, would exposure to a
nuclear holocaust really be much worse than spending another day in Marion?

As much as I wanted to leave, I just had to see what Marion's finest local
restaurants had to offer. Being a big fan of Japanese hibachi steak & chicken,
I figured this place would be the perfect stop. Re and I had decided before we
left for our big adventure that we would only eat at local restaurants for dinner
instead of being cheap slackers who stopped at every fast food road stop.
You gotta try the local foods in each town, that's part of the road trip adventure!

Multi-colored bubbling palm trees (like the ones you see at a Spencer's store in the mall) and episodes of "Will & Grace" playing loudly on the TV for all the guests to enjoy?
How's THAT for an authentic Japanese dining experience!

There were two meals that I simply HAD to try as soon as I saw them listed
on the menu. Any guesses as to what's inside these mystery boxes?

Chicken and Beef... ON A STICK!
Not only that but they came with french fries, chips, rice, carrots, and ketchup dip!

Why go to Japan when you can go to Marion, VA?

I think Re was even more impressed with the food than I was! Who's up for seconds?

I loved my beef on a stick so much I even wrote a jingle for it!
Click here to watch my amazing performance while driving at night!
"Beef on a stick! Beef on a stick! Get your kicks with beef on a stick!"

The Old General Store must be THE place to be in Marion.

As you drive across the country, Jebus' looney followers like to constantly
remind you about him with gigantic crosses just off the major highways.

Internet access? Check. Ok, we'll stay here.

One of the many hilarious brochures we picked up during our trip.
(chances are I'll do another piece sometime entirely about the brochures we found)

After laughing at the brochures we found in the hotel Re gets ready to crash
while I rejoice over the internet connection working on my laptop so I can
write the first entry in our cross country travel journal. Hooray for technology.



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