seem that your classic peppermint sticks are going through some changes.
Yes indeed, some companies are literally putting their candies right into
candy canes. A simple, breath-freshening holiday treat no more... candy
canes are back with a vengeance! Today I'd like to take a look at a
selection of non-peppermint flavored candy canes that you've probably seen
in the stores already, but were too afraid to try. Grow some jingle-balls
why don't ya; it's candy for chrissakes, there's nothing to fear but
diabetes fear itself!
start off something that's an easy transition, Hershey's Chocolate Mint
Candy Canes. They still have "mint" in them, so that's not too far
from peppermint. But how do they taste? Pretty damned good, that's how.
They may be mint, but you can still taste the chocolate in there and it
definitely beats the typical peppermint flavor we're all used to. Even
if you're not a fan of these chocolate mint candy canes, they include
instructions on how to make a candy cane sled for you crafty people out
canes, a Hershey bar and some ribbon is all it takes. Personally, I
think I'd rather try my luck at making a Zagnut Toboggan or a Butterfinger
Bobsled, but to each his own.
their classic candy cane look deceive you, these Starburst Strawberry
Candy Canes are completely different. I'll admit, it's a bit weird
putting something that looks like peppermint in your mouth and having it
taste like strawberries, but once you get over that little hump, you'll
realize these things are tasty as can be. Granted, they don't taste
exactly like Starburst... not by any stretch, but they're still good.
They're also slightly thicker than most of the other candy canes, so
that's more bang for your buck, more gas for your truck, more... I don't
know where I'm going with this. NEXT!
season to be Jolly"?? Oh wait, I get it! HAHAH! IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE
JOLLY RANCHER FLAVORED! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! All hilarity aside, the Jolly
Rancher Candy Canes take the fruit flavored treats one step further
than Starburst by offering several flavors. Strawberry, mixed berry and
watermelon are their "Bold Fruit Smoothie" flavors. I don't
really know why they
feel the need to throw the word "Smoothie" in there since this isn't a
drink and the candy canes definitely don't remind me of a smoothie. Then
again, smoothie is a word that should be a part of our everyday
vernacular. "Say Bob, how are your stocks doing today?" "Why hey
there Jim, they're smoothie, thanks for asking!" It could happen. It
regards to the candy cane flavors, I gotta say the Strawberry ones are
better than the Starburst ones. It's not such a strong overpowering
flavor, just the right amount o' strawberry, plus they smell extremely
good. The Mixed Berry flavor I'm not a fan of, it just seems like they
threw a bunch of berry flavors together hoping that it would end up
tasting good, but instead they ended up with an extremely bland candy
cane. Watermelon canes taste a lot like watermelon, which is a good
thing... if you like watermelon. I don't, so those canes can go straight
to hell for all I care. All in all, I'd like to see them release a box of
just the strawberry flavored ones alone. They may not taste like Jolly
Ranchers, but they're still scrumdidleyumptious in my book
Savers Candy Canes bump up the variety of flavors to five with cherry,
watermelon, orange, pineapple and raspberry. If you're like me, the only
flavor in a pack of lifesavers you ever cared about were the cherry ones.
All the other flavors were the ones you'd give to your friends to make it
seem like you were a real generous person, when in reality, you're just an
asshole trying to get rid of some crappy flavored candies that you
wouldn't dare allow go near your taste buds. But what about these candy
I gotta say
I'm impressed with these because they taste almost exactly like regular
Life Savers candies, especially when you consider how most of the
non-traditional candy cane brands don't even taste like the products
they're supposed to be based on. As far as which flavor is the best, I'd
have to give my vote to raspberry, with cherry as the runner-up. The rest
of the flavors are just like I said: boring and something you'd want to
give away so that you could get to the next good flavor in the pack.
Fortunately with the candy canes, you can have any flavor you want right
away instead of having to wait for somebody to finish the other bad
Next up we
have Sweet Tarts Candy Canes which come in three flavors - green
apple, cherry and blue punch. I'm not sure why they didn't call it blue
raspberry or something more typical, but I gotta say, I like the sound of
blue punch. Sure, blue cockpunch would be even better, but I can still dig
the blue punch title. Even the pictures on the sticker suggest that it's
shrouded with mystery. Green apple shows an apple, cherry shows some
cherries... but blue punch? It just shows some random blue blob that could
very well be hell-bent on wrecking your world. Ah the mystery of blue...
just can't go wrong with a pack o' Sweet Tarts, can you? Well, I'm happy
to report that they're all pretty good. I'm even happier to report that
Blue Punch is the best of the flavors, and I'm not just saying that
because it has the best name, it's really just the best. Plus, it stains
the hell of out your tongue so it deserves all of the awe and respect that
you can muster.
Spreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Spreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Other than
Zagnut, Spree might be the most entertaining candy name to pronounce. And
now they come in the form of Spree Candy Canes, complete with a "flavor
kick" in the center. Perhaps this "flavor kick" should take on the "blue
punch" in an all out brawl for candy cane supremacy. My money's still on
the blue punch.
variety of flavors in this pack, it's all the flavors mixed together on
each candy cane. And just like regular spree candies, the outside is a
mild flavor, while the center is more tart, but it's a bit of a let down.
Not nearly as tart or sweet as the real Spree candies, and considering the
label claims that the center is "a kick in the mouth!" that's
pretty sad. Damnit, I want to like these a lot because I love Spree, but
it's just not happening. Blue Punch... do your worst.
Everlasting Gobstoppers are among my favorite Wonka brand candies and
now they come in candy cane form. What's more, they stand out from the
rest of the candy cane packs because these canes are all solid colors.
Right on, Gobstoppers, show those striped candy cane bastards who's boss
with your solid Xmas colors! And just like real Gobstoppers, they change
colors and flavors as you continue to eat 'em. But the big question is
whether or not they live up to the deliciousness of the original candies?
damned right they do. I would've driven to the factory where they made
these things and set all the employees on fire if they didn't. You do
NOT screw around with my Gobstoppers, got it? Good. Sure, they're not
as "everlasting" as regular Gobstoppers since they're much thinner, but
the same basic flavors are there, so all is still right with the world.
that's all the new flavors I've come across in the stores so far this
year, but if you spot any other Candy Canes flavors that I haven't
covered, be sure to drop me an email and let me know! And no, just because
a box has Mickey Mouse on it, that doesn't mean it's a new flavor. That
just means they're trying to make the typical peppermint flavored candy
canes seem more exciting than they really are and there's no need for me
to review those because you already know what peppermint tastes like. And
if you don't, please stay the hell away from me... freak.
questions or comments about this piece?
help support I-Mockery by supporting our sponsors:
SUGGEST THIS TO A FRIEND!
Running a big site like I-Mockery takes a lot o' time and costs moola
Want to help show
DONATE TO OUR ZOMBIE MOVIE!
Come talk about this piece & more on our Message Forums!
click here for more minimocks!