You open the Robin Hood lunchbox and...

..."What ho, yon poorly dressed fool?"

You turn at the sudden outburst, and find yourself deep within the beautiful green bowels of Sherwood Forest. Before you stands Robin Hood and his merry men. He’s just like you imagined him, except that he doesn’t look like that guy from Waterworld.

"Uh, would you happen to know anything about Popeye’s Chicken?"

At first, you expect to exchange some trite dialog with the legendary outlaw about your strange clothes, or how people in the future ride around in mechanical beasts with four rubber feet, but as it turns out, Robin Hood is much more intense in real life. He angrily shouts something at you, but hearing his medieval dialect is like listening to a Shakespearean play, only with much greater use of the f-word. You almost finish sorting through the first thing he said to you when a very testy Robin Hood sends an arrow streaking through the "I" in your "I’m with stupid" t-shirt. Well, at least the five bucks in your pocket will go to the poor.

START OVER, AND TAKE OFF THOSE TIGHTS!