You open the Bonanza lunchbox and...

...find yourself sitting in a restaurant booth. After a few moments of initial disorientation, you realize that you're sitting in a Bonanza Steak House with a wonderful piping hot steak dinner sitting before you. Suddenly you hear a voice from beside you. "How is the food? Are you enjoying everything?"

You look up to see who's talking and exclaim "Why, it's Dan 'Hoss' Blocker from the hit Western television series Bonanza, and founder of the Bonanza Steak House chain of restaurants!" Dan flashes you a winning smile, and his teeth gleam with perfection. "That's right. After my success in the TV series Bonanza, I decided to--" Suddenly, the door to the restaurant is kicked open, and Clint Eastwood walks in looking meaner than than King Mean of Meanville during the annual Mean Day Parade. "Who's the fella that owns this shithole?" he snarls. You immediately point at Hoss, your eyes wide and pants stained with the foul smelling by-product of fear.

Without hesitation Clint takes his shotgun and blows him away. "You just shot an unarmed man!" you gulp. "Well, he should have armed himself if he was going to name his saloon after a trademark of NBC. And YOU... what's that on your shirt?" Clint swivels around and levels the barrel in front of your face. Before you even have a chance to answer, your brains are smeared all across the back wall.

START OVER, YOU TWO-BIT REDNECK PECKERWOOD!