Panicked by the sight of the phantom eyeball, you check if both of your own eyes are in place by running your fingers across them like a hyperactive blind person reading Braille porn. You could of course have figured everything out by closing one of your eyes and see if your eyesight was halved by this, but this is no moment for rational thought. If it had been, you would of course also realize that you'd been touching your smelly teenage penis half a second ago and that you're generally a filthy person who doesn't really touch soap or even water nearly often enough. To make matters worse, the only food you ate in the car before nodding off was a bag of nacho chips with imitated cheese and real chili. And chili fucking burns, man.

You rush over to a sink to wash your eyeballs, but a memory from a few years back materializes in your mind. You remember trying to show off in a Mexican restaurant by ordering the 'Palate ravisher fajita', and the results were less than stellar. Before you could pour a pitcher of water down your desecrated esophagus, an employee had rushed to your rescue and told you that water only makes things worse and that the only cure for chili burns is a glass of milk.

Next thing you know, you're running out of the building with tears gushing down your face and your pants around your ankles yelling "Oh sweet Jesus, somebody throw milk in my face! Milk in my face!" before tripping over your own undies and breaking your nose on a rock. Everything is a blur, but you know all too well what's going on: a myriad of kids and counselors are looking at you wondering if they should help you, laugh at you or get you to an emergency psychologist. Or, of course, run over to the other kids to make friends by telling them about the wacky thing they just saw. One thing is certain: you won't be the coolest cat in the alley after that miniature circus show you just performed. You silently wish the ground beneath you would open up and eat you whole, and since this is a Halloween story taking place at a spooky camp, that's exactly what happens.

DIG YOUR WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING.
AND WASH THOSE DAMN HANDS AFTERWARDS, YOU FILTHY VERMIN!