Anakin Skytater: "What a strange planet.
Actually, it's more like a dump and I... *GASP* WHAT WAS THAT
NOISE!? WHO... WHO'S OUT THERE?? SHOW YOURSELF!"
"Call me you did, yesss."
Anakin Skytater: "Who... who are you?"
"Yoda I am. I am Yoda. I do enjoy the works of Abe Vigoda. I am Yoda."
Anakin Skytater: "Ok... I uh, I don't
know what I'm really doing here. I just felt drawn to this planet.
It's as though I..."
"Summoned here you were. Learn you will. Train you will."
Anakin Skytater: "But how? How did you
will me to come here?"
"The Force, yesss."
Anakin Skytater: "Ok, so what could a
tiny wasteland-dwelling goblin like yourself possibly have to tell
"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm.
And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally
Anakin Skytater: "I really gotta find my
way out of this stinkhole..."
"Coming from a potato with a obvious drooling problem, in a position
to complain you are not."
Anakin Skytater: "Hey!"
"Anakin, a choice you will soon have to make. The dark side I sense in
you, but too late it is not."
Anakin Skytater: "What exactly do you
mean when you say 'the dark side' is in me? Am I sick? It's cancer
isn't it. I knew it! All those days hanging out in microwaves... it
had to catch up with me."
"No, no, no... show you I will. Relax your mind and concentrate."
Anakin Skytater: "OH MY GOD! WHAT IS
THAT!? IS THAT... IS THAT ME!?!?"
"Without proper Jedi training, your future it will be. And the worst
of it, that is not."
Anakin Skytater: "OH. MY. GOD."
"Yes. Your posterior will be hollowed out by the dark side. Within it,
the severed appendages of your fellow potatoes will be stored. Yesss."
Anakin Skytater: "NOOOOOOO!!!!"
"This is why train you must."
Anakin Skytater: "So if I train to be a
Jedi I won't become some twisted S&M freak? Ok, sign me up! I'm ready
to begin my Jedi training!"
"Very well... you must remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the
Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they.
Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your
destiny. Now, training you will begin. Yesss."
Anakin Skytater: "Can't you just give me
the short version of this training? I want to go on adventures and
score a date with a hot potato princess!"
"Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these
things. You are reckless."
Anakin Skytater: "Agh! This is too hard!"
"Believe in The Force, guide you it will."
Anakin Skytater: "I can't believe it!"
"That is why you fail."
"A hot potato princess you shall not have. But my kisses, have you can, yesss."
Anakin Skytater: "Ack! Ok, ok! I believe
in the force, I BELIEVE! Let's continue with the training!"
***SEVERAL DAYS LATER***
"Ready for your final training you are."
Anakin Skytater: "Alright! Bring it on!
I'm ready to become a Jedi!"
"In your ship you will go now. Fly until you meet your challenge.
Defeat it you must, or forever the dark side will flow within you."
Anakin Skytater: "Woooo hoooo! I'm gonna
be a Jedi! Yeah! Gonna get me a hot potato princess and together we'll
make little tater tots! This is gonna be great! Ok, bring on this
so-called challenge, I can take it!"
Anakin Skytater: "NOOOOOOO!!! ANYTHING
BUT THAT!!! THAT'S TORTURE!!! NOT THE
STAR WARS CHRISTMAS ALBUM!!! HOW
CAN I POSSIBLY DEFEAT AN EVIL THAT IS SO PURE!?!? THERE'S NO WAY!
THERE'S JUST NO..."
"Feel the force."
Anakin Skytater: "Yoda! How can I win?"
"Remember your training. Use the force you will."
Anakin Skytater: "Argh, I'll try!"
"Do or do not... there is no try."
Anakin Skytater: "Ok... here goes
Anakin Skytater: "YEAH! I DID IT! WOOO!"
"A Jedi you are. Now return back home we will."
Anakin Skytater: "Back to that stinky
planet? Ah what the heck, I'm in a good mood, sure I'll go back with
Anakin Skytater: "Master Yoda, now that I
am a Jedi and no longer need to worry about the dark side, can you
tell me what my future will be?"
"Continue the path of the Jedi you will. Use the force you will."
Anakin Skytater: "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I
get all that. But what else! I wanna know about the exciting stuff!
What rewards can I expect for leading such a noble life?"
"The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is."
Anakin Skytater: "Come on! You must be
able to see something!"
"Yes, yes... see I can. Want to know the future, you are sure of this,
Anakin Skytater: "YES!"
"Your future this is. Willing to sacrifice everything for the greater
good is the Jedi way."
Anakin Skytater: "WHAT!? I'M A PILE OF
MUSH! I'M GONNA BE A MEAL!?!?"
"Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force, and down into the
stomach of a man."
Anakin Skytater: "THE HELL IT DOES! SCREW
BEING A JEDI! I'M GOING OVER TO THE DARK SIDE!"
Darth Tater: "NOW I AM THE MASTER! BETTER
TO REIGN IN HELL, THAN TO BE SERVED AS A SIDE DISH IN HEAVEN!
"Blind I am, if his reaction to this news I could not foresee. Stopped
he must be; on this all depends. Only a fully-trained Jedi Knight,
with the Force as his ally, will conquer Vader. Only one hope there
"Consume the potatoes you will RoG, then use the force. Use the
force... or lost all will be."