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Things That Must Be Destroyed
Part 1
by: -RoG-

Everyday I see more and more things that have no reason being on this planet. I'm sure many of you think that I have no reason being on this planet, but that's besides the point. I've decided to start a list of things that I believe should be destroyed. So I am proud to present to you... Things That Must Be Destroyed: Part 1

Anne Murray: 
Every time I turn on the TV I see a commercial for her "Inspirational Classics" CD where she starts singing "Amazing Grace". Please tell me that I'm not the only one who wants to see her DEAD.

Neutrogena Products:
How much SHIT do we have to use until we are clean enough, moisturized enough, herbal enough, acne-free enough, and stupid enough? A complete waste of money. It's called "a shower and a bar of soap", people.

Tom Hanks:
Nobody ever really says bad things about this guy. They're always talking about what a great guy he is, saying stuff like, "Tom Hanks, the nicest guy in Hollywood." Which leads me to believe that he must be hiding something that is REALLY bad. I don't trust him.
Pens/Pencils/Writing Utensils:
I'm sorry. I have HORRIBLE handwriting. And furthermore, I can't stand writing. It's annoying as hell. Everything should be typed. I hate paying bills because I have to write so much each time I pay them. Luckily, more and more things are now letting you pay over the web or by phone or whatever. If we could destroy all pens and pencils (except for when they are being used by artists) I would be all for it.
Girls Gone Wild Videos: 
If I see one more advertisement for these stupid whorish videos, I'm going to murder someone. Then they can release "Webmasters Gone Wild... On Murderous Rampages!" videos instead.
"Real Life" TV Shows:
If they want to have a TRUE "Real Life" show, then they should at least make it interesting. Leave a guy completely naked in a back alley in New York City with the words "Go Home Yankee" written on his chest. Let's see him "survive" that.
The "Ab Slide":
I'm am so sick of this product (and the knock-offs of it). There's a million ads and infomercials for it and it's got to be the stupidest thing I've seen since "the stairmaster". After you buy it, you'll realize it was a complete waste of money, you won't be able to return it, and then you'll be fucked. As you can see in the photo, the Ab Slide at least puts you in the proper position.
Howard Stern:
I'm sure many of you disagree with me on this one. But that's ok... you're wrong. He's not funny. He's not smart. He's just a stupid, dirty, perverted old man who talks to a lot of stupid, dirty, perverted people. Wow, impressive.
"Fishing" Video Games:
Is there some kind of national joke going on that I wasn't told about? Are we trying to keep ourselves busy by creating the most boring products in history? Who the hell plays these games? Isn't fishing in REAL LIFE boring enough? Now we need a virtual fishing game to play while at home too? I mean look at the title of this one, "ACTION BASS". Isn't that a contradiction? Somebody shoot me, I can't take it anymore...
State Quarter Collecting:
I can't imagine someone would waste their time trying to collect all of the state quarters, or even worse, buying that stupid map that you can put them in. If you one of these maps... get off of my site right now, you sad individual.
Thomas & Friends:
Wasn't "The Little Engine That Could" enough? Are children's book authors so uncreative and mind-numbing that they now have to use the ideas of previous authors? If this is what kids are reading, our future is doomed.
Look, I used to love Netscape too, back in the 3.0 days. But the fact is IT SUCKS NOW. AOL bought them and the browser has gone to complete shit. They even skipped version 5.0 and released version 6.0 just so they could say they were ahead of Microsoft, when in fact, they're far behind them. It's no wonder about 90% of the people out there are using Internet Explorer. I hate a lot of things about Microsoft, believe me, but their browser supports all the good stuff and works real well. Netscape should be destroyed and all of us should just agree on one browser to use, that way we can ensure that everybody sees the web sites the way the designers intended them to be seen.
Cars With Too Much Bass:
I'm sorry, any stereo system that has so much bass that it actually makes your car shake to the point where nuts and bolts start coming apart is just too much. Are we supposed to be impressed that you are able to drive a car that has so much bass that you need to wear adult diapers while operating it? Some of these losers have so many speakers in their car that they no longer have any trunk/seat space. Turn it down kid, tear out the giant bass speakers, put on some REAL music, and change your diapers.
Beanie Babies:
For crissakes, how the fuck can anybody buy these things when they're are toys out there like "Spawn" that come complete with "removable guts"! Did you hear me? REMOVABLE GUTS!! Who the hell wants to play with a bean bag that has a face when you can play with REMOVABLE GUTS!?!? Now, if they put guts inside of these innocent little beanie babies, that'd be a different story. I'd buy them all if they had organs inside of them that I could rip out. "Hello Mr. Happy Pink Elephant! (RRRRRIP!) Well lookee here! I've got your spleen!"
Coffee Shops:
Shut up. I hate all coffee shops. Overpriced as hell.
The Lottery:
You know you're not going to win. You've never been lucky in your entire life, so why do you think it's all of a sudden going to change now? I tell you what, the next time you get an urge to buy a lottery ticket, put that cash in an envelope and mail it to me. I'll save all the money you send me until I have enough to buy a gun, and then I will come over and help you solve all of your spendthrift problems.
Kid Movie Stars:
They're not cute. They're not funny. All the movies they're in are horrible. And what is their reward? Millions of dollars to spend their entire life, while the rest of us work our asses off. Life is grand.
There is NO REASON to own a hummer vehicle. I've seen old guys driving their hummer to the grocery store. As if there's a ton of rough terrain on the way to the grocery store in happyville suburbia, U.S.A. ... Why not just buy a steam roller and drive that around town instead? It makes about the same amount of sense as driving a hummer if you ask me. 
I'm sorry, I've never understood the point of ties. They don't keep you warm or anything like most other articles of clothing, they're right up there with "socks" as being the worst gifts you can receive, and they look stupid if you ask me. Thus, they serve no purpose and should be abolished. The only person to make a tie (a bow-tie at that) look good is Pee Wee Herman. So unless you're him, forget it. 
Grape Nuts Cereal:
The cereal that is neither a grape nor a nut, but is instead made from natural wheat and barley. I have hated this since childhood. When I first heard of it, I was like "Grape-flavored cereal!? Wow! I gotta try that!". You can imagine how quickly I spit it out when I actually got to taste it. Damn you grape nuts for your lies! DAMN YOU!

Didn't read parts 2 and 3 yet? Check them out!
[Things That Must Be Destroyed - Part 2]
[Things That Must Be Destroyed - Part 3]

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